What did the big chimney say to the little chimney?
You're too young to smoke!
When do cars have legs?
When the engine is running! << I invented that one
Why are dung beetles suicidal?
Because their lives are $h*t!
Lawyer jokes...
What do you need when you see a lawyer buried up to his neck in wet cement?
More cement...
What's the difference between a lawyer and a catfish?
One's a slimey, bottom dwelling creature, and the other is a fish...
Why are lawyers as dangerous as nuclear missiles?
1) When one side gets one, the other side has to get one
2) Once launched, they cannot be recalled
3) When they land, they screw everything up for the next 50 years
Blonde jokes...
A policeman sees a blonde knitting in her car, while driving, and yells 'Pull over!!!' The blonde replies, 'No, it's a scarf!'
A blonde is driving through the country, wearing a hat to cover her hair, when she sees a farmer herding a flock of lovely white sheep. Thinking how nice it would be to have one as a pet, she asks the farmer, 'If I can guess how many sheep you've got there, can I have one?' The farmer, thinking how unlikely it would be if she got it right, accepted. She randomly guessed '541' and surprisingly, she got it right. She picked the youngest, most energetic animal she could see. When she is about to drive off, the farmer says 'If I can guess your true hair colour, can I have my dog back?'
A philosopher, a mathmatician, and a statistician are sitting in a train, crossing the border into Scotland, when they see a cow. The philosopher says 'there is at least one cow in Scotland', the mathmatician says 'No, there is at least one thing that LOOKS like a cow in Scotland'. The statistician replies, 'No, there is at least HALF a thing that LOOKS like a cow in Scotland!'
