while the sketch is decent, you've (unneccessarily) removed the finer details when you added the coloring. ie, if you sent the 2nd piece to a modeller, the final product would probably be nothing like what you've imagined. same goes for what what we, the audience, is seeing in the 2nd pic.
consider maintaining a minimum of "ambient light" that would only allow the deepest, darkest crevaces in the cloak, and the shadows undernearth it, to be anywhere near total black.
furthermore, a single light source will allow you to portray the material effects of the clothing, skin, and accessories. ie, imagine a candle sitting on a table in front of him. maybe at waist height. the buckle, cloak clasp, and shell casings would reflect the light similar to what you've already displayed, telling the viewer "this is shiny metal". perhaps the leg straps, belt, boots, and ammo straps are made of grainy, weathered leather... this could also be portrayed by how the light hits them. the stitching on the shins in the sketch makes me think they're made of a slightly different material than that of the pants; show this with light. and, finally, by 'painting' the cloak nearly all 'black' you've removed the snug/tucked feeling from the top of it.
bottom line, try using light to help us/others see what you're seeing in a more obvious fashion. also, i hope i'm not sounding too negative here because there is lots of potential, so take all of this as 'my opinion', please
Virtual Nomad @ California, USA
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