GG gets a "Valued Member" tag and a trumpet too!
That's not fair!
I think I'm too late to say happy bday now so I'll just wait till next year...
Why do we celebrate the most painful day in our mothers' lives? We are a sadistic race

We should instead celebrate first words day: this involves getting very drunk to simulate how we slurred our words.
And first steps day: get drunk to re-enact first steps.
All the way up to first drunk day: we have to drink 5 times as much to simulate the increased effect alcohol had on us back then.
And then we have heart attack day where we eat a tub of salt and cross our fingers.
I don't think we're in Kansas any more.
Riddle: The more you take, the more you leave behind. What are they?
Answer