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Geek Culture / Jokes - Post em here

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John H
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Location: Burlington, VT
Posted: 27th Sep 2003 06:56
Post up your jokes here

Keep em clean - offensive jokes will be deleted. If it gets out of hand, I'll look er up.

My joke

A man was a father to 3 daughters.

One day the first daughter came up and asked the father
"Father? Why am I named Rose?"

The Father responded
"Simply my dear, because a Rose petal dropped on your head when you were born"

Soon afterward the second daughter approached the father and inquired,
"Father? Why am I named Tulip?"

The Father responded
"Simply my dear, because a Tulip petal dropped on your head when you were born"

A few minutes later, the third daughter came up and said
"UGAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHUHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA"

The Father responded
"SHUT UP CYNDERBLOCK!!!"




RPGamer

Current Project: Eternal Destiny
We need a texture artist!
If your interested email me - Johnrocs@aol.com
UberTuba
21
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Location: Brittania
Posted: 27th Sep 2003 11:29
The health and safety man from the department of shools
come to inspect cheltnam comprehensive.

AFter inspecting the school The inspector warns the headmaster
of the fire risk in the school.

The head master replies, don't worry, the schools made of Asbestos

the artist formally known as darkfluff
Ibrahim
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Location: United Kingdom
Posted: 27th Sep 2003 12:32
a man goes in his car while he is driving a woman said to him "cow"
then the other man shouted back "pig" then he crashes into a cow not that funny is it

All i want to be is a mod
Wiggett
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Posted: 27th Sep 2003 13:19
um isnt that joke about the cop driving down teh highway when he passes a farmer yelling "PIG! PIG!", the cop gets aggitated and yells "REDNECK!" back, after turning his head back to the road he crashes into a giant pig that had collapsed into teh middle of the road, i dont think that was a joke, more of an urban myth.

so ye want a joke do ye.(robots don't say ye!)

man and a girraffe walk into a bar. They sit down and start playing drinking games with each other, after an hour or so, the sozzled girraffe falls on teh floor and the man gets up to walk out. THe bartender yells "Hey you cant leave that lyin' here." to which the man replies "Oh, it's not a lion, it's a girraffe."


you're all completely humorless.


anyone seen 28 days later?

Pricey
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Posted: 27th Sep 2003 13:58
hehe lol!

three people in a car: a programmer, a mechanic and a runner

the brakes on the car fail and it rolls down a hill and stalls at the bottom

the mechanic says: lets fix it up and carry on along our way
the runner says: lets run along the rest of the journey
the programmer says: lets push it back up to the top and if the brakes fail again, then we'll fix it



Nice Gun... AHH! He's Gotta Gun!

Wiggett
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Posted: 27th Sep 2003 14:33
Arrow
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Posted: 27th Sep 2003 17:48
Lol, I got one but's pretty border-line and I'm sure it'll offend someone, but I made it up my self, a completely original joke. Yo RPGamer mine of I post one mildly dirty joke?


DDR is the best form of exercise money can buy.
Dave J
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Posted: 27th Sep 2003 17:49 Edited at: 27th Sep 2003 17:50
I do.

Edit: That is to say, I get the Programmer, Runner, Mechanic joke not that I mind about the dirty joke (to prevent confusion)


"Computers are useless they can only give you answers."
Killswitch
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Posted: 27th Sep 2003 18:11
Theres two sausages and an egg in a frying pan

Egg: 'Cor aint it hot in here?
1st suagsage to 2nd sausgage: Look at that! A talking egg!

~I see one problem with your reasoning: The fact is that is a chicken~
Ian T
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Posted: 27th Sep 2003 18:44
Hah, that's how us programmers do it alright

Amusingly enough, I just ran my code 15 minutes ago and it crashed... I didn't even look at it becasue it was rather complex and I wasn't in the mood for bug hunting. I just said 'probably a fluke' and ran it again. Whatdayaknow? It worked!

--Mouse: Famous (Avatarless) Fighting Furball
Read It: http://www.angryflower.com/itsits.gif
Learn It: http://www.angryflower.com/bobsqu.gif
Newbie Brogo
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Posted: 27th Sep 2003 19:44
hmm.. some kids told me this joke, its again, mildy.. sick, twisted, or.. dirty.. can i post? mods?

You did what? For who?! For how many jellybeans?!?
Flashing Blade
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Posted: 28th Sep 2003 00:23
@ robx - I seen 28days later and its damn good.


What's brown and sticky?

a stick

Megaton Cat
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Posted: 28th Sep 2003 06:15
heres a dumb blonde joke i heard somewhere(forgot)

A blond walks in to a electonics store and says to the sales person
"I would like to buy that tv"
The sales person replies "I'm sorry we dont sell to blonds"
The next day she dies her hair brown and returns to the store
"I would like to buy that tv"
again the sales person replies " I'm sorry we dont sell to blonds."
The next day she dies her hair red and returns to the store and asks the same thing and gets the exact same answer.
"how did u know I'm a blond?" she asks the sales person.
The salesperson replies
"Because thats not a tv, its a microwave."

My site is delyaed for the 250th time!
If life is just one big joke...
then I must have missed the punchline.
Preston C
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Posted: 28th Sep 2003 06:18
lol, thats a good one.

I got a joke, but, I'd rather not say it.


Dark Basic Pro has arived! I can feel the power!
Megaton Cat
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Posted: 28th Sep 2003 06:31
its probably about u isnt it?

My site is delyaed for the 250th time!
If life is just one big joke...
then I must have missed the punchline.
Preston C
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Posted: 28th Sep 2003 06:55
...

maybe...


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Dave J
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Posted: 28th Sep 2003 10:11 Edited at: 28th Sep 2003 10:11
A blind man walks into a bar and goes up to the bartender and says,
"Hey, do you want to hear this great blonde joke?"
The bartender politely tells him.
"The guy sitting next to you is blonde. The guy on your other side is a huge fitness trainer and he's blonde. The guy sitting over there in the corner is heavy-weight champion and he's blonde. And finally, I'm blonde, now are you sure you want to tell the joke?"
The blind man pauses for a moment and replies, "Nah, I don't want to have to explain it four times."


"Computers are useless they can only give you answers."
Joeyjoejoe Shabadoo
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Posted: 28th Sep 2003 12:03
OH STOP THE PAIN!

Please think of the children.

This sig is poinless. Poin poin poin poin!
Wiggett
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Posted: 28th Sep 2003 12:37
i got a joke,

how many feminists does it take to screw in a light bulb???

two, one to screw in teh light bulb and one to ride my rodney!



anyone seen the movie freaked? i think it was called.

Killswitch
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Posted: 28th Sep 2003 14:35
A man walks into a bar - ouch it hurt

**

Two blondes are walking in the forest when they come accross some tracks.

1st blonde I know what these are they're elk tracks my daddy told me
2nd blonde No they're moose trackes my daddy told me so

And so they argued untill the train came and ran them over

~I see one problem with your reasoning: The fact is that is a chicken~
Dave J
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Posted: 28th Sep 2003 16:09
Heard those 2 before


"Computers are useless they can only give you answers."
Megaton Cat
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Posted: 29th Sep 2003 20:11
I don't get that

My site is delyaed for the 250th time!
If life is just one big joke...
then I must have missed the punchline.
Arrow
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Posted: 29th Sep 2003 22:35 Edited at: 30th Sep 2003 07:13
[edit] Now that I explained it I'm sure it'll be deleted.

[edit] see?


DDR is the best form of exercise money can buy.
TeePee
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Posted: 30th Sep 2003 15:21
A woman goes to her boyfriends' parents' house for dinner. This is to be her first time meeting the family, and she is very nervous.
They all sit down and begin eating a fine meal. The woman is beginning to feel a little discomfort, thanks to her nervousness and the broccoli casserole. The gas pains are about making her eyes water. Left with no other choice, she decides to relieve herself a bit and lets out a dainty fart. It wasn't loud, but everyone at the table heard the poof.
Before she even had a chance to be embarrassed, her boyfriend's father looked over at the dog which had been snoozing at the woman's feet and said in a rather stern voice, "Skippy!"
The woman thought, "This is great!" and a big smile came across her face. A few minutes later, she was beginning to feel the pain again. This time, she didn't even hesitate.
She let a much louder and longer fart rip. The father again looked at the dog and yelled, "Dammit Skippy!"
Once again the woman smiled and thought "Yes!"
A few minutes later, the woman had to let another one rip.This time, she didn't even think about it. She let rip a fart that rivaled a train whistle blowing. Once again, the father looked at the dog with disgust and yelled,
"Dammit Skippy, get away from her before she ***** on you!"
TeePee
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Posted: 30th Sep 2003 15:27
why do: 1)Supermarkets make the sick people walk all
the way to the back of the store to get their Panadol's etc while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.
2)People order double cheeseburgers, large fries... and a Diet Coke.
3)Banks leave both doors open, have no armed guards and chain the pens to the counter.
4)We leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway, and store our junk in the garage.
TeePee
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Posted: 30th Sep 2003 15:35
Once upon a time, there lived a man who had a terrible passion for baked beans. He loved them, but they always had an embarrassing and somewhat lively reaction on him. One day he met a girl and fell in love. When it was apparent that they would marry, he thought to himself “She’ll never go for me carrying on like that,� so he made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans, and shortly after that they got married.

A few months later, on the way home from work, his car broke down and since they lived in the country, he called his wife and told her he would be late because he had to walk. On is way home, he passed a small cafe and the wonderful aroma of baked beans overwhelmed him. Since he still had several miles to walk he figured he could walk off any ill affects before he got home. So he went in and ordered, and before leaving had three extra large helpings of baked beans. All the way home he ‘putt-putted’. He ‘putted’ down one hill and ‘putt-putted’ up the next. By the time he arrived home he felt reasonably safe.

His wife met him at the door and seemed somewhat excited. She exclaimed, “Darling, I have the most wonderful surprise for you for dinner tonight!� She put a blindfold on him, and led him to his chair at the head of the table and made him promise not to peek. At this point he was beginning to feel another one coming on. Just as she was about to remove the blindfold, the telephone rang. She again made him promise not to peek until she returned, and she went to answer the phone. While she was gone, he seized the opportunity. He shifted his weight to one leg and let go. It was not only loud, but *ripe* as a rotten egg. He had a hard time breathing, so he felt for his napkin and fanned the air about him.

He had just started to feel better, when another urge came on. He raised his leg and ‘rrriiiipppp!’ It sounded like a diesel engine revving, and smelled worse. To keep from gagging, he tried fanning his arms a while, hoping the smell would dissipate. Things had just about returned to normal when he felt another urge coming. He shifted his weight to his other leg and let go. This was a real blue ribbon winner; the windows rattled, the dishes on the table shook and a minute later the flowers on the table were dead. While keeping an ear tuned in on the conversation in the hallway, and keeping his promise of staying blindfolded, he carried on like this for the next
ten minutes, farting and fanning them each time with his napkin.

When he heard the ‘phone farewells’ (indicating the end of his loneliness, and freedom) he neatly laid his napkin on his lap and folded his hands on top of it. Smiling contentedly, he was the picture of innocence when his wife walked in.

Apologising for taking so long, she asked if he had peeked at the dinner. After assuring her he had not, she removed the blindfold and yelled, “Surprise!!�

To his shock & horror, there were twelve dinner guests seated around the table for his surprise birthday party.
IanM
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Posted: 30th Sep 2003 15:39
An Englishman, a Frenchman, and a Welshman were walking along the beach one day. They came across a lamp in the sand. One of them picked it up and a genie popped out.

"I will give each of you one wish," said the genie.

The Welshman said, "I am a farmer and all of my ancestors were farmers. I want all of the land in Wales to be forever fertile."

With a blink of the genie's eye, 'FOOM' -- the land in Wales was made forever fertile.

The Frenchman was amazed and he said, "I want a wall around France, so that no one can come into our beautiful country."

Again, 'POOF' -- there was a huge wall around France.

The Englishman said, "I'm curious. Please tell me more about the wall?" The genie said, "Well, it's about 150 feet high, 50 feet thick and nothing can get in or out."

The Englishman said, "Fill it with water"
Northern Fist
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Posted: 1st Oct 2003 18:34
ROTFLMBO at TeePee!!!
I heard that last joke once, but it was told live; I love the crap out of that one.

Here some jokes from your's truely that serve people well with short attention spans:

1. Yo momma's sooo fat... She fell in the Grand Canyon and got stuck.

2. Yo momma's sooo fat... I slap the thigh and I surfed the waves.

3. Yo momma's sooo fat... when she saw a school bus, she yelled: "STOP THAT TWEENKIE."

4. Yo momma's sooo ugly... when she looked out the window of the car, she got arrested by the cop for mooning.

5. What do you do if a blondie throws you a gernade?
You pull the pin off and chuck it back.

(WARNING TO A.D.D. patients - this is a longer one)
6. A blind man walks into a convenient store with his seeing eye dog. His dog navigates him to the middle of the store. The blind man proceeds to pick the dog up by the leash and spin the dog in the air over and over again. In utter shock, the manager asks: "What do you think you're doing???"
"Oh, just looking around." The blind man responds.

"Power, precision, and don't forget about speed. If you practice everyday with these things in mind... you begin to develope A FIGHTING MODE." - Fist of Legend (Jet Li)
Arrow
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Posted: 1st Oct 2003 20:41
Yo mamma's so fat she jump up and got stuck.
Yo mamma's so fat when she wears high heels she strikes oil.





DDR is the best form of exercise money can buy.
Preston C
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Posted: 1st Oct 2003 23:38
@arrow: lol


Dark Basic Pro has arived! I can feel the power!
Joeyjoejoe Shabadoo
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Posted: 2nd Oct 2003 15:24
Ya moomas so fat the she wears orians belt.

There were 2 blonds driving in a car when one of them looked out the window to see 2 other blonds trying to row a boat in a carn feild. Blond one said:
"Those 2 make blonds look bad"

Blond 2 said:
"yeah if I could swim I would go in there and get them"

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Robin
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Posted: 2nd Oct 2003 15:41
LOL
did you hear about the idiot who tried to blow up the channel ferry?
he got his mouth stuck around the funnel!

http://www.thegameszone.tk
robin@thegameszone.tk
-It's not a bug it's a 'feature'
Wiggett
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Posted: 2nd Oct 2003 17:17
how bout the cannibal that dumped his wife.

Arrow
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Posted: 2nd Oct 2003 20:07
I see we have a PVPonline fan.


DDR is the best form of exercise money can buy.
Andrew
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Posted: 2nd Oct 2003 23:44
I know a funny website, go to
http://www.uncledave.com

on the homepage click on funny stuff and then click on the links to download funny stuff.
P.S cop abuse is funnnnnnyyyyy!!!

My game will make sure Final Fantasy will never be forgotten.
Remember me because my game will be in the shops in a year or 2.
Megaton Cat
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Posted: 3rd Oct 2003 03:54
here is something i heard on RGT

Whats black, green and red?

A beatup irishman.

My site is delyaed for the 250th time!
If life is just one big joke...
then I must have missed the punchline.
UnderLord
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Posted: 3rd Oct 2003 04:21
how about this one?

how do you know that a blond has been using the computer?

THE JOY STICK IS WET

Hary har har

or theres white stuff on the screen ect...ect...ect...

HARY HAR HAR

good day folks.....
BTW my soccer team sucks!

GO BLUE DEVILS

If they named it the white devils in 1939 there'd be no black people on our soccer team....get it....

HARDY HAR HAR!

boy this was a waste =) have fun...

http://www.freewebs.com/ingamers
Dave J
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Posted: 3rd Oct 2003 05:13
Quote: "or theres white stuff on the screen ect...ect...ect... "


I believe the original jokes was: "How do you know if a blonde's been using the computer? There's white-out on the screen." - Just so no one takes it the wrong way


"Computers are useless they can only give you answers."
Easily Confused
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Posted: 3rd Oct 2003 05:25
I once knew a man, his name was Jim,
When someone threw a tomato at him,
A tomato is soft when wrapped in its skin,
But this one killed him, it came in a tin.

Programming anything is an art, and you can't rush art.
Unless your name is Bob Ross, then you can do it in thirty minutes.
QuothTheRaven
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Posted: 3rd Oct 2003 07:25
UnderLord..that's what I titled the first song I wrote. Now I'm ashamed of that title.

A priest, a rabbi, and a monk walk into a bar. The bartender says "What is this, a joke?"

Dave J
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Posted: 3rd Oct 2003 18:09
A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Why the long face?"


"Computers are useless they can only give you answers."
Benjamin
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Posted: 3rd Oct 2003 19:53
What does a dead musician do?
Decompose!

MrSevenHands
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Posted: 4th Oct 2003 00:18
A preist, a rapist and a child molester walk into a bar..



and that was just the first guy....
Flashing Blade
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Posted: 4th Oct 2003 01:41
a bear walks into a bar and says:
A glass of beer ...................................................
...................................................................
...................................................................
............................................and a packet of peanuts


Bartender says "Why the long pause?"
Wiggett
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Posted: 4th Oct 2003 03:03
@arrow: hehe yeah, thats my little stealth joke

Preston C
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Posted: 4th Oct 2003 03:51
A guy walks into a bar...

The Bartender says "What'll you have?"

The Guy says "Tomato"

The Bartender replies "Tomato?" except in a different way

The Guy then replies "Tomato, Tomato (in different way), potato, potato (in different way), barney the dinosaur, the devil, they all mean the same thing"

-------------------------------
That might sound a bit funnier (if theres any trace of funny at all) if you say it out loud and you know how to say tomato and potato in 2 different ways.


Dark Basic Pro has arived! I can feel the power!
Mattman
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Posted: 4th Oct 2003 04:09
My music teacher recently had his first child, and he has banned Barney from his house (seriously!!!)

Got a knack for finding secrets??? Jingot Racing --- A new brand of Racing --- Only from Nightwatch Studios
"hey, it's tomorrow" --- Hamish
Jmansr
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Posted: 4th Oct 2003 19:30
A sandwich walked into a bar. He asked the Batender for a drink. The bartender replies.

"Sorry, we don't serve food."

Blue Blood FX
Check it out, RIGHT NOW!
http://blueblood.bandedsoftware.com
Kendor
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Posted: 5th Oct 2003 11:32
The Creation of the world

On the first day, God created the land and saw that it was good;
Then He created water and saw it was good;
The third day He created the forest and saw it was good;
After He created the animals and saw they were good;
The fifth day He created the man and saw he was good;
The sixth day, God created the woman, and, after seeing her
He said: "Maybe I need some rest, tomorrow"

1 + 1 is not 2, is 10
Joeyjoejoe Shabadoo
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Posted: 5th Oct 2003 13:06
Two bears are in the woods looking down at a rifle that is laying on the ground. One of the bears says:

"Thunderstick, you caled it a thunderstick!!?? That my friend is a windcheaster 32.06"

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