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Geek Culture / Are you guys having problems making friends too?

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CocaCola
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Posted: 13th Oct 2010 07:33 Edited at: 13th Oct 2010 07:46
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I dunno if it's just me or if it's something with us (programmers, modelers, video editors, etc) but im in school and I used to live in a little town and had friends (3 or 4 or 5) but now that I moved to a partly larger town I can't make any friends.. I was wondering if you guys were like this too when you were in school. The only friends I have live away (50mins - 4 hours (I think))

I think the problem is, is that I have nothing in common with well anybody. I don't play any sports, I swim but just for fun. I'm not strong, in fact im weak, and have some fat on me, but not noticeable. Everyone knows I program now thanks to a teacher, and nobody else in my class is any good with computers.. I keep my hair neat, it's long (down to my eyes) but it's neat, which might be a problem, but I hate it when it's messy.

I'm not disliked, and people will talk to me when I talk to them first, but they don't seem to try to keep the conversation going. *sigh* I was going to a school before but transferred and I knew a few girls from that school in one of my after school clubs, and we were good, I was even starting to think that one liked me, but since I transferred to there school (which she was pushing me to do next year anyway) she will barely talk to me, and even kind of avoid me.

I am kind of feeling like I don't want friends, I don't know why. I enjoy going outside for walks and such, but I rarely get out now because I have nobody to go outside with. I am on these forums a lot, too bad there starting to get inactive, I wonder why? My best friend who lives 45mins away comes up probably every second weekend and we have fun, he has friends but just doesn't go outside very often.

I don't know, maybe it's just me.

I want coke, not Pepsi!
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Libervurto
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Posted: 13th Oct 2010 09:47
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I moved 3 years ago and I haven't made any real friends here, and I'm 22 now!
It's much easier to make friends when you're little because you just play together, there's no awkward conversations between six year olds.

Most people aren't naturally social, it's totally normal, you will have to work to being more social and make friends. Whatever you do, don't put on an act to try and win people over, you will just end up looking stupid.

What about the people you sit next to at school? Every time you talk to someone you could be making a new friend.

I don't see how you can say you don't have anything in common with the other kids when you don't seem to know them very well. I'm sure there are lots of people who would really like to be your friend if they knew you better. Smile and be friendly and you'll make friends in no time. I don't mean go around like a grinning idiot but be positive lol

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Neuro Fuzzy
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Posted: 13th Oct 2010 09:58
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Yeh... My forte is programming, math, and techie related stuff, so I can never really start a chat when someone asks "So what have you been up to?" besides saying "Good, you?" which doesn't add any interest to the conversation.

I dunno. If I'm supah bored w/ my current social life, I usually go to balboa park and busk... Thats a pretty good way to meet ppl!

generally my tip would be start a project or do something new.

If you're old enough/your parents let you/theres a bus nearby/you don't live in the ghetto, you could try to find some programming-oriented place (or something). I hafta bus down whenever I go somewhere out of the norm like that.

Generally whenever I meet new people that I end up knowing for a while and being friends with, there's a girl involved somewhere (like, girlfriend's friends or friend's girlfriend's friends).
You might try asking a random girl to lunch, on the grounds you have nothing to lose.

Heh, we should hang out some time!
>.>

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Libervurto
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Posted: 13th Oct 2010 10:08
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@Neuro
You have inspired me to go make some friends

Quote: "Generally whenever I meet new people that I end up knowing for a while and being friends with, there's a girl involved somewhere (like, girlfriend's friends or friend's girlfriend's friends).
You might try asking a random girl to lunch, on the grounds you have nothing to lose."

Are you saying you would ask a girl out on the chance she might know a geek you could be friends with? haha

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Van B
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Posted: 13th Oct 2010 10:29
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You can't expect to become friends with just anyone, people are too jaded for that by the time they go to high school. Both people need a common ground to make it worthwhile to be friends, but really once you make 1 friend, it's easy to make more. I went into high school and college without knowing anyone, starting from scratch twice. All I did was find the guy in my class with an Atari ST . Once you have someone to hang out with at school, you'll make more friends, because you won't be that creepy loner. Every single kid in high school that you see on their own, would probably love to have friends just as much as you. It's the only way, you can't just absorb into other peoples social groups right away, life is not a soap opera or a teen movie - hit the library and see who's into the same books as you, or the computer lab, see who has some skills. You need some common ground so you can hold a conversation and get to know people.

If you can get away with it, make fun of the teacher - but in a good hearted, and intelligent way. Try not to take yourself seriously at all, if you make an idiot of yourself in class, roll with it. I think your right about people being hesitant, they might think your some super-brain, you'll make friends much easier as you re-humanise yourself. Doing something stupid or funny, but harmless might well make you more approachable.

Health, Ammo, and bacon and eggs!
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Quik
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Posted: 13th Oct 2010 12:50
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Quote: "
If you can get away with it, make fun of the teacher - but in a good hearted, and intelligent way. Try not to take yourself seriously at all, if you make an idiot of yourself in class, roll with it. I think your right about people being hesitant, they might think your some super-brain, you'll make friends much easier as you re-humanise yourself. Doing something stupid or funny, but harmless might well make you more approachable."


^
this.
this is what I do, however, thats who I am xD still, I make fun of myself, most of the time. Because i think it is funny.

Personally, i dont have hard time finding "friends", and iam a modeller, however iam pretty "straight forward", if i meet a new person, I hug this new person without hesitation, for example.

I am not much of a "party guy" (especially not the parties with alchohol) however, since iam this "social guy" so i come to like "small town parties" (IE we have this festival called "trästocks festivalen" for celebration to live music, free to go to) and there is usually where i meet people^^
All my friends arent "geeks", but a lot are, thanks to me


[Q]uik, Quiker than most
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Fatal Berserker
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Posted: 13th Oct 2010 13:24 Edited at: 13th Oct 2010 13:27
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I just offer to help them in their programming assignments, and then im listed as a friend lol, but most of the time im generally not bothered to communicate socially to lesser evolved people (just kidding).

I eventually found out, being dead quiet, and almost 'not there' made it extremely easy to not need any friends, also for some reason it makes teachers like you more even though you might not do any work.

Quote: "I make fun of myself"

I do that too, only convo i can pick up lol!
I usually pretend to cry aswell when people insult me.

Smoke me a kipper, ill be back for breakfast.
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CocaCola
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Posted: 13th Oct 2010 16:49
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Well, it's not just me
@Neuro I wish we had a programming place, but as I said it's a very small town.

I will reply more after school.

I want coke, not Pepsi!
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Libervurto
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Posted: 13th Oct 2010 18:41
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Something I learned at school is some people have no sense of irony. I used to make fun of myself a lot and quite a few people actually thought I was retarded lol.

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Metal Devil123
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Posted: 13th Oct 2010 19:00
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Quote: "Doing something stupid or funny, but harmless might well make you more approachable."

Darn... after you said harmless, I had to cross out "stand laughing on a burning building" out... :/

Quote: "I make fun of myself"

Same here... well, I don't come and make fun of myself, but if someone does, I sometimes just go on and make fun of myself too, becouse I know what they wanted to do, was to make me angry or feel bad. I like people who can make fun of themselves and don't get pissed off right away.

Quote: "if i meet a new person, I hug this new person without hesitation, for example."

So you're just walking down the street and "OMG! THere's a person I never met before!" you go and hug this person...

Quote: "I usually pretend to cry aswell when people insult me."

Like for real, so they they actually DO think that you are crying or, they know that you are just kidding?

But anyhow, there was 7 people I hanged out with here and now my 2 of my 3 cousins went studying somewhere else and I hang out with them for the weekends. And the 4 people I hang out at school now are total geeks, so I fit in very well And if you found the plothole in my story, (the 1 cousin) my 3 cousins almst always hang out together, so that all the 3 or 2 of them atleast are together when we're hanging out. But they got their own friends too, but that's their story... wich will be told in a crappy sequel, made for a quick buck.

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Fatal Berserker
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Posted: 13th Oct 2010 19:17
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Quote: "Like for real, so they they actually DO think that you are crying or, they know that you are just kidding?"

Lol, over dramatic my life is going to end crying, and i try to make sure they know its fake.

Smoke me a kipper, ill be back for breakfast.
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Eminent
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Posted: 13th Oct 2010 19:23
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Try to make people laugh.


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Quik
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Posted: 13th Oct 2010 19:28
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Quote: "So you're just walking down the street and "OMG! THere's a person I never met before!" you go and hug this person...
"


AHAHAHHA no xD but if i get introduced or such, i dont "shake hands" thats for chickens! no, real men hug!


[Q]uik, Quiker than most
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BiggAdd
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Posted: 13th Oct 2010 22:01 Edited at: 13th Oct 2010 22:04
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Best way to make friends?
Read the news, journals, books or pick up your local paper once a day or two days. Not everyone wants to talk about programming, and if that's all you have to talk about it does make you quite a boring person.

I never talk about programming with my friends, unless they are programmers or they are interested in what I am up to.


"Did you hear about the story about that man with no arms and no legs who swam across the English channel?"
"No? When was this?"
"Recently, he lost his arms and legs below the joint, but had flippers attached to his legs in order to aid his effort"
"Really? Fair play to him for actually going out there and doing it"
"Yeh I know, arrantly it takes an athlete 8 hours to do, but he did it in 13 hours, which is amazing considering"

etc etc


But it really does take practice and confidence.

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Fatal Berserker
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Posted: 13th Oct 2010 22:50
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Did you see that ludicrous display last night?

What was Wenger thinking sending Walcott on so early?

Smoke me a kipper, ill be back for breakfast.
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Melancholic
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Posted: 13th Oct 2010 23:13
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Quote: "Did you see that ludicrous display last night?

What was Wenger thinking sending Walcott on so early?"


And if you saw the rest of the episode you should know thats a bad way to make friends :p

Personally i do not think what type of person you are matters. I myself would consider myself a metal head, very long, somewhat tidy hair. Though this hasn't stopped me from making friends with people really into rap, as long as we respect each others taste's who cares?

Starting this year at college for me has taught me a lot, i admit i used to keep to myself and friends. But now in breaks and stuff i can pretty much start a conversation with anyone. I have another metalhead friend, more into metal then me, he has long black hair, full length leather jack jacket ect ect though one lunch i was talking to him in our schools smoking garden(i personally do not smoke) and i had a punk type friend of mine. There was no hostilities and the two got together along well, despite having conflicting opinions. But maybe i am just lucky and go to a school where people are more intelligent

What i am trying to say is that do not just stick to your own sub culture, we are all human and others will not bite your head off(in most circumstances)


I can count to banana...
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Quik
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Posted: 13th Oct 2010 23:43
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Quote: "nd i had a punk type friend of mine. There was no hostilities and the two got together along well, despite having conflicting opinions."


however now adays, punkers and metalbangers dont argue
I personally think punk has drifted of a bit to much to the metal way
so to speak.
i personally listen a lot to metal, but rock and punk is just fine usually aswell^^


[Q]uik, Quiker than most
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data 98junkiee
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Posted: 13th Oct 2010 23:48 Edited at: 13th Oct 2010 23:49
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I always end up having a crush on a lot of the people I make friends with for some reason which just makes things awkward and complicated [sigh]

A man's reach must exceed his grasp or what's a heaven for?
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Indicium
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Posted: 14th Oct 2010 00:01
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I don't know about anyone else... but i lead a perfectly normal social life, despite the fact I'm a programmer.

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Yodaman Jer
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Posted: 14th Oct 2010 01:15
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I'd probably lead a fairly normal social life if I didn't live in practically the middle of nowhere without a driver's a license...



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Fatal Berserker
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Posted: 14th Oct 2010 01:49
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Quote: "And if you saw the rest of the episode you should know thats a bad way to make friends :p"

BAD?
Moss got a free load of cash!

Also, i had a pony on liverpool.

Smoke me a kipper, ill be back for breakfast.
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thenerd
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Posted: 14th Oct 2010 03:53
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My social life is pretty normal, I got a lot of friends and although most of them they don't really understand "that computer stuff" they still think it's awesome. All my best friends are somewhat crazy, so I don't really stick out...My girlfriend is an animator, so she probably understands technology the most out of all my friends.

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CocaCola
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Posted: 14th Oct 2010 04:10
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Quote: "although most of them they don't really understand "that computer stuff" they still think it's awesome."

My old friends used to.

We should all meet somewhere and become each others friends!

Quote: "My girlfriend is an animator"

Luuckky

im feeling sick

I want coke, not Pepsi!
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Toasty Fresh
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Posted: 14th Oct 2010 08:31 Edited at: 14th Oct 2010 08:32
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Quote: "Did you see that ludicrous display last night?

What was Wenger thinking sending Walcott on so early?
"


<3

Although it should be pronounced "Did yoo see dat loodicrus dis play lawst noight?"
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PAGAN_old
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Posted: 14th Oct 2010 10:12
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i have the same problem lol i moved from america to russia 2 years ago and i only made one friend. so my friends are like half the world away. Everyone my age (i am 21) is already married so they dont really have time to hang out. my only friend we hang out sometimes but he isnt very interesting. I do go outside a lot and just walk around and explore the city. I think its because we arent too social and people generally dont like trying to make new friends, they perfer to stay in their comfort zone. people in moscow are generally mot very friendly

dont hate people who rip you off,cheat and get away with it, learn from them
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Teh Stone
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Posted: 14th Oct 2010 19:40
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Lets be honest now the best way to make new friends at a new school is to just throw a big partyyyyy, since I started the new year (year 12) we got loads of new people and most of them are pretty much ignored or just stick with the 1 or 2 they new from their old schools except for the person that tried to make friends who now gets on with pretty much everyone and seems like "one of us" so to speak rather than a bit of an outsider

then again this worked for him but it could easily go wrong and the party be a complete failure you end up less popular and have some very angry parents if anythings broken

don't nno of this is helpful or not

everyone has friends eventually it just takes time or a stroke of luck but it happens eventually
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Fatal Berserker
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Posted: 15th Oct 2010 00:50
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WE call all learn from the master of science on how to make friends! (Sheldon Cooper)


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k0xgjUhEG3U



Smoke me a kipper, ill be back for breakfast.
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Master Man Of Justice
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Posted: 15th Oct 2010 03:36 Edited at: 15th Oct 2010 03:37
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for people too lazy to watch the hilarious clip, LOA stands for least objectionable activity.
and n=3 is how many times he can repeat the loop to escape the infinite loop

Good share. doesnt quite work all the time.

in the end, the algorithm doesnt allow for failure to make new friends.

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thenerd
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Posted: 15th Oct 2010 03:40
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Quote: "WE call all learn from the master of science on how to make friends! (Sheldon Cooper)"
I have a t-shirt of that.

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Libervurto
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Posted: 15th Oct 2010 05:35
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Is it strange that the little bridges on flowcharts always make me smile?

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Techathon
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Posted: 15th Oct 2010 05:58
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There are a few programmers at my school, but most are too nerdy for me to hang out with. I used to play football and am friends with the jocks and I also have 2 friends that program and we are smarter (not to sound conceded) than most of the people we hang out with. It's fun being always right and still liked.

In Soviet Russia, they don't make stupid jokes about Soviet Russia.
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Neuro Fuzzy
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Posted: 15th Oct 2010 07:12
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"not to sound conceited"
conceded is past tense of conceding to something.
...sry

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PAGAN_old
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Posted: 15th Oct 2010 09:52
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Quote: "There are a few programmers at my school, but most are too nerdy for me to hang out with. I used to play football and am friends with the jocks and I also have 2 friends that program and we are smarter (not to sound conceded) than most of the people we hang out with. It's fun being always right and still liked.
"


wow Jocks? those still exist? I kinda thought that the whole jocks/nerds thing was left in the 90s because i havent really noticed that divide in any schools i went to. but yet again i went to a tech school which is pretty much full of rejects who cant learn in a normal school

dont hate people who rip you off,cheat and get away with it, learn from them
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DarkJames
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Posted: 16th Oct 2010 04:48
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I have a consideribly hard time making friends... and more with my girlfriend....


we started as friends... and then moved to best friends.. and then to something else, with my friends.. (same sex) i always had it easier... it was just talking of what i liked (Surprisingly, the guys that now are my friends, when i did that, they liked my stuff)

so yea... well, some people do have problems making.. maybe therapy or something? or just freeing all the social stuff you have inside..?


in my school.. well in my grade there is 9 male students, and 18 female students.. so yea, its easier to know how to make female friends (Easier for me, my family and me, are like... woman atractor...)

sooo.... yea... well... i bet people would find friends if only they talked about the person that they are talking to, not about themselves, giving a sign of security or something like this..

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lazerus
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Posted: 16th Oct 2010 04:50
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I laughed when i read this thread title. skimmed at best. but i had a few doupts when i turned up to uni. by the next day the scoial group we've formed between 4 close and 8 or more general people has been classed as rowdy and most likly to casue trouble.

Doupts misplaced.


http://lazerus-reborn.deviantart.com/
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CocaCola
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Posted: 16th Oct 2010 18:05
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Quote: "wow Jocks? those still exist? I kinda thought that the whole jocks/nerds thing was left in the 90s because i havent really noticed that divide in any schools i went to. but yet again i went to a tech school which is pretty much full of rejects who cant learn in a normal school"

Yeah I thought that was all over.

I want coke, not Pepsi!
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Interplanetary Funk
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Posted: 17th Oct 2010 02:13
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I have problems making friends too it's simply because they'll start talking about something I find interesting, but don't understand it as much as I do and then just start giving me blank faces. Fortunately my partner understands EVERYTHING I talk about

BASIC programmers never die, they GOSUB and don't RETURN.
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CoffeeGrunt
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Posted: 17th Oct 2010 02:52
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Meh, I normally get along okay in life. Just joined an electrician course at a college a week ago - knew noone who was on that course, end of the week, I managed to find a couple of people to chat to and spend breaks with, still got all my other circles of friends to hang out with...

The annoying thing for me was the whole high-school leaving fracture. I had two groups of friends that became three, with a couple just disappearing sadly. It's near impossible now to keep up with all three of them.

7161 Forum Messages
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It's been a good three years.
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