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Geek Culture / So SAD

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Ermes
21
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Joined: 27th May 2003
Location: ITALIA
Posted: 19th Apr 2011 09:54
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eh, i'm so sad my girlfriend Loretta left me after 10 years.
she will stay in a suite at 800 mt from my house.
we'll be friends after all, but i'm so sad anyway.

all my hobbies, including coding with dbpro, will be freezed for a while, as you can understand for sure.

just for sharing my sadness.


Ciao facce da sedere!
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Phaelax
DBPro Master
22
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Joined: 16th Apr 2003
Location: Metropia
Posted: 19th Apr 2011 12:48
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This isn't facebook.

The Internet: Where men are men, women are men, and children are federal agents
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PrimalBeans
14
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Joined: 14th Oct 2010
Location: The sewer.... hunting alligatiors.
Posted: 19th Apr 2011 13:25
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Quote: "This isn't facebook."
Well cant say that i disagree... but thats kind of a dick way to put it. But yeah... it is off topic but... well that should be in an email to your mom... not everyone on the site. If you need personal help with it... well feel free to email me. (Ive been seperated with my wife for ~ 2 years now... I know whats up...) But whatever you do dont go crazy... just post that you emailed me.. and ill check my alt account. This isnt the way you want to get it off you chest... i know its hard hang in there..

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Quik
16
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Joined: 3rd Jul 2008
Location: Equestria!
Posted: 19th Apr 2011 13:28
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why not post thisin the posting competition?

and yes, that was kinnda a crappy way to put it phaelax..


[Q]uik, Quiker than most
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TheComet
17
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Joined: 18th Oct 2007
Location: I`m under ur bridge eating ur goatz.
Posted: 19th Apr 2011 14:17
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I'd agree with Phaelax if this were some n00b joining the forum just to post this crap, but Ermes is a well known user (at least to me), everyone knows ESF, and knows about his cool UFO game he is currently making. I think it's OK that he let's us know what's up

I'm not the guy for long speeches, but I'm sorry it turned out this way, hang in there mate

TheComet

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Ermes
21
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Joined: 27th May 2003
Location: ITALIA
Posted: 19th Apr 2011 15:26
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i understand i'm offtopic in a offtopic section, but it was just to say i'm stopping all DB projects until i'll feel better. just this.

thanks PrimalBeans, thanks TheComet.


Ciao facce da sedere!
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bergice
17
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Joined: 5th Jun 2007
Location: Oslo,Norway
Posted: 19th Apr 2011 15:28
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Understand it must suck because it lasted 10 years and the fact that she left you and not vice versa. But look on the bright side, now you can meet other women

Lucy in the

Sky with

Diamonds
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Quik
16
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Joined: 3rd Jul 2008
Location: Equestria!
Posted: 19th Apr 2011 15:52 Edited at: 19th Apr 2011 15:53
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Hope you feel better soon, but its not the whole world but yes, it does suck when these kind of things happen..

Hope you feel better soon, and i apologise for my not-so-helpfull-post earlier.


[Q]uik, Quiker than most
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Ermes
21
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Location: ITALIA
Posted: 19th Apr 2011 15:54
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Thanks.


Ciao facce da sedere!
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Ron Erickson
Moderator
22
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Joined: 6th Dec 2002
Location: Pittsburgh, PA, USA
Posted: 19th Apr 2011 17:45
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That really sucks Ermes. Best of luck to you. If anything, this would be a GREAT time to increase your development time. I hope all works out for you!

Ron

a.k.a WOLF!
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Ermes
21
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Joined: 27th May 2003
Location: ITALIA
Posted: 19th Apr 2011 18:04
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Quote: " this would be a GREAT time to increase your development time"


ah! that's right!!!!!


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Zotoaster
20
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Joined: 20th Dec 2004
Location: Scotland
Posted: 19th Apr 2011 18:50
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This is Geek Culture. Geeks complain about girls, so this discussion to me is fine.

With that said, here comes my /rant.

Women have a power than most human beings don't have. They can find chinks in your armour, dig deep in and snip off your inner b***s. Then you have to trust them not to squeeze them too hard because that's what turns a man into a little boy that can't control his own thoughts or actions. Also it hurts, much like squeezing physical b***s but in a more emotional way, of course.

Don't get me wrong, I love women. I don't even think they know they're doing it. But they do, and they have to. Men are naturally polygamous, and women need a way for us to stay monogamous until they get bored of us.

You have experienced a natural cycle in life. And I feel bad for you, nobody could go through it without being hurt. But when you have time to think clearly, consider asking yourself why you should keep any more contact with her at all, when you know it will only hold you back from moving on in your life.

/rant

"everyone forgets a semi-colon sometimes." - Phaelax
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Matty H
16
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Location: England
Posted: 19th Apr 2011 19:20
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Sorry to hear that Ermes.

My advice is to be strong, even if you don't feel it, make it look like you are fine and handling things well, and even moving on.

It's my opinion that your ex will respect that more and maybe make her think twice, I have seen friends of mine handle it too badly only to lose any respect the girl might have had for them.

Oh yeah, and continue making great games

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Dazzag
22
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Joined: 26th Aug 2002
Location: Cyprus
Posted: 19th Apr 2011 19:23 Edited at: 19th Apr 2011 19:24
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Quote: "If anything, this would be a GREAT time to increase your development time"
Exactly. Head down and plough on with some decent coding! You can knock one out in no time!... Hmm, I mean a game.. nothing else can be read into that...

Anyway, sorry she left. Hope wasn't really bad!

Cheers

I am 99% probably lying in bed right now... so don't blame me for crappy typing
Current fave quote : "She was like a candle in the wind.... unreliable...."
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bitJericho
22
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Joined: 9th Oct 2002
Location: United States
Posted: 19th Apr 2011 23:44
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Sorry to hear the bad news!

[center]
Join the TGC Group!
http://tehcodez.groups.live.com
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RedneckRambo
18
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Joined: 19th Oct 2006
Location: Worst state in USA... California
Posted: 20th Apr 2011 00:38
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Damn women

AKA Jenkins
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sprite
19
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Joined: 22nd Apr 2006
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Posted: 20th Apr 2011 00:54
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My advice forget her. If its not meant to be its not meant to be. Stay way from her for a few months otherwise your just set yourself up to be hurt more when she finds a new man.

It hurts like hell but don't stay in the past. Get out there and find new people to date. Remember there are plenty of fish out there.

I say wait until the weekend. Get the lads together, go out to the pub/club and just meet new people. In no time your find someone else. You never know she maybe the one you live you life with or one of many 5min talks. Just have fun be yourself and it will full in to place.

if your not ready to start the quest of love again by the weekend go for a piss up. I mean the level of thank good I don't have to work until Tuesday level. Just do not stay at home feeling sorry for yourself.

Also please don't give this I'm too old rubbish if my 89 old Grandad can find a new girl and have a bit on the side. I'm fairly sure any one can.

I'll add something later on.
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crispex
17
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Joined: 22nd Jun 2007
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Posted: 20th Apr 2011 05:43
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Quote: "This isn't facebook."


God, I hold a higher level of respect for you beyond what it already is for saying that.

I just now realized I've had a typo in my signature for the past 3 years.
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Phaelax
DBPro Master
22
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Joined: 16th Apr 2003
Location: Metropia
Posted: 20th Apr 2011 06:09
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I figured I'd catch some flak for saying that.

The Internet: Where men are men, women are men, and children are federal agents
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PrimalBeans
14
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Joined: 14th Oct 2010
Location: The sewer.... hunting alligatiors.
Posted: 20th Apr 2011 06:55
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Not a big deal.. Some ppl just need and outlet though. While there is absolutely nothing we can do physically at least we can help him out as a community with moral support. I understand were your coming from too, but then again i have support from other sources then here if i need. Some may not.

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Neuro Fuzzy
17
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Joined: 11th Jun 2007
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Posted: 20th Apr 2011 09:11 Edited at: 20th Apr 2011 09:13
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Hey, everyone needs to vent a bit. Especially since a lot of computer ppls aren't as social as some others.

I say not as social as other because... well...
There were two, separate, big groups of people I recently met (groups of ~15 people, each of whom are very social with each other person). They constantly talk, and because everyone is talking, they end up talking really really loudly.

I've never thought of myself as not social, but after listening to people constantly almost-shouting for what probably totals 7 or 8 hours, I realize that I will never be as social as how social the bulk of the poopulation is.


Sooo... if your major hobby isn't talking loud at other people, there are significantly fewer people to vent to, and since a major hobby of people on these forums is helping w/ programming (a hobby that isn't screaming, but still is a form of communication), there's a similar social circle thing. (waaay waay looser, but still there)


[edit]
Oh right, my post also was supposed to console ermes a bit... oh well.


Tell me if there's a broken link to images in a thread I post, and I'll fix 'em.
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Fallout
22
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Location: Basingstoke, England
Posted: 20th Apr 2011 10:46
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@Ermes - Bad luck mate. Time to move on.

My only words of advice would be, figure out why it ended and if you were at fault, look to improve yourself and fix any mild defects in your character. A lot of people say "You shouldn't have to change yourself" or "Just be yourself, someone will love you for who you are" but that is an absolute crock of garbage. Everyone has bad habits and weaknesses of character they can improve.

Don't reinvent yourself into someone you're not, but everyone has flaws they can work on, be it picking your nose at the dinner table, making nazi comments in front of her jewish parents, or trying or stealing her mum's underwear (ok, obviously not serious examples, but you get the point).

So take stock, understand why she left you, and if it's partially down to a fault of yours, see if you can improve yourself without denying who you are.

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Ermes
21
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Location: ITALIA
Posted: 20th Apr 2011 11:36
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all good advice, thanks a lot.

my big problem is to let it go and don't see my ex for weeks/months, or to be close to see how things move.

she doesn't know nobody in the city where we are, she doesn't have a car, and it is from 4 years we are under the same roof.

i really don't know what i've to do, and this make me feel bad.


Ciao facce da sedere!
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Van B
Moderator
22
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Joined: 8th Oct 2002
Location: Sunnyvale
Posted: 20th Apr 2011 12:53
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She should have thought of that before dumping you Ermes. Frankly, I'm sick of co-dependant ex's - if it's over, it's over, there is no way for 2 people to go from a relationship into a friendship. IMO there isn't even a way for a man to be friends with a woman he's attracted to, that's not friendship, real friends are honest with each other and trust each other.

Sorry if it sounds clinical, or insensitive, but she ended it, and will spend the next few months still relying on you. What if either of you meet someone?, how do you think new partners will take to this reliance friendship. Cut your ties, and when she struggles and starts to think about getting back with you, tell her a straight NO and send her on her way.
It can be brutal, but it's the only healthy way to move on, think about yourself from now on - she just gutted you and now your worried about her transportation and loneliness and god knows what else. Of course she wants to be friends, that's more benefits for her, and no benefits for you - it's your next girlfriend who should be looked after, concentrate on that.

Health, Ammo, and bacon and eggs!
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Fallout
22
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Location: Basingstoke, England
Posted: 20th Apr 2011 13:27
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I tend to agree with Van. I think the situations can be complicated, and obviously they can take a few days/weeks to resolve, but if she has decided to break up with you, she had to appreciate that also means leaving your support behind. She can't break off the romance but keep everything else the same.

You've got to be reasonable and assist her in getting sorted with you separated, but don't be a doormat, no matter how bad you feel. There's nothing more pathetic than a guy crawling after a girl who's ended it, and a lot of women (not all, but a lot!) will take advantage of that, no matter how good natured they're supposed to be. People often turn the blinkers on when the situation suits them.

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Ermes
21
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Location: ITALIA
Posted: 20th Apr 2011 15:04
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you're all right. but it's hard to break in one day a 10 years of romance.

I see one common line in all your posts, she chose to break, she is leaving me, she will be on herself.

i hope i will not feeling so bad to forget these things.

thanks.


Ciao facce da sedere!
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Zotoaster
20
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Location: Scotland
Posted: 20th Apr 2011 16:01
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Truth is Ermes, the more you can show her that you can move on and that you're not thinking about her, the better response you'll get from her. She might even miss you again. The one thing you absolutely should not do is go back to her and act nice. Do not act nice. It'll make you seem like a clingy wuss and that's the most unattractive type of guy on the planet.


Always be polite though, lol.

"everyone forgets a semi-colon sometimes." - Phaelax
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Ermes
21
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Location: ITALIA
Posted: 20th Apr 2011 16:48
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Quote: " Do not act nice. It'll make you seem like a clingy wuss and that's the most unattractive type of guy on the planet."


oh yeah, i understand this. let's hope to be strong enough.


Ciao facce da sedere!
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TechLord
22
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Joined: 19th Dec 2002
Location: TheGameDevStore.com
Posted: 21st Apr 2011 00:36 Edited at: 21st Apr 2011 00:38
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Quote: "If anything, this would be a GREAT time to increase your development time. I hope all works out for you!"
I concur 1000%. That's what I did. I learned C++ in the process, found a new job coding C++, met my new girlfriend on the new Job (she worked in the same office building). Never been happier. True Story.

Super 3D Game Platform [Online]
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Ermes
21
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Posted: 21st Apr 2011 10:20
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woa i'm happy for you TechLord. i hope to have the same luck!


Ciao facce da sedere!
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Fallout
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Posted: 21st Apr 2011 10:22
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Quote: "i hope to have the same luck!"


I would reread what he said. Sounds like hard work to me, not luck.

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Ermes
21
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Posted: 21st Apr 2011 10:41
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Yes true hard work for sure, "luck" about find a new girlfiend and never been happier!


Ciao facce da sedere!
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Grog Grueslayer
Valued Member
19
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Playing: Green Hell
Posted: 21st Apr 2011 18:08
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I agree with Van and Fallout. If she happens to see you be friendly to her but act like you don't need her at all and are perfectly happy without her. Never, ever spend anymore money on her and stop worrying about her and focus only on your future.

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C0wbox
18
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Location: 0,50,-150
Posted: 21st Apr 2011 19:15
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I sadded when I read this:
Quote: "all my hobbies, including coding with dbpro, will be freezed for a while, as you can understand for sure."

I like your work Ermes. D:

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Phaelax
DBPro Master
22
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Location: Metropia
Posted: 21st Apr 2011 19:18
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Quote: "making nazi comments in front of her jewish parents"

especially if her dad is a crazy vodka-drinking russian. Scary dude. (don't ask)

The Internet: Where men are men, women are men, and children are federal agents
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Ermes
21
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Posted: 21st Apr 2011 23:22
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well, just a month or two. coding is an hobby i can't stop it.
the matter is my mind isn't clear, so i have to freeze for a moment.

thanks guys for your support, it was very useful to understand where the boat is going, and don't sink with it.


Ciao facce da sedere!
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Ermes
21
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Posted: 22nd Apr 2011 18:18
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i get the point to not see my ex anymore, only for her removal from my home.

this night i will go to disco with a couple of friends,

thanks for supporting me in these sad days!

SYS 64738
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That Guy John
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Posted: 29th Apr 2011 09:00
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Hey Ermes,
I'll give you a secret that always gets me over a break-up:
I call it the the 4F(s)... not too sure i should explain what the 4 "F"s stand for on this forum , it ain't very nice, but it works great for me.

FPSC OneSource [DeskTop App] - Bringing everything together into one.
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Thraxas
Retired Moderator
19
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Location: The Avenging Axe, Turai
Posted: 29th Apr 2011 09:08
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Quote: "I call it the the 4F(s)"


fruit, fungi, flowers and foliage.

A man will one day wear a tophat in glasgow on a sunny day juggeling grapes while humming the jurrasic park theme tune.
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That Guy John
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Posted: 29th Apr 2011 09:15
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Quote: "fruit, fungi, flowers and foliage"

Ha! Wow how did you guess that?

Actually...

Find'em, Feel'em, F(not getting banned)'em , Forget'em

Rinse and repeat process as many times as needed.

FPSC OneSource [DeskTop App] - Bringing everything together into one.
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OutdoorGamer
15
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Location: everywhere...
Posted: 29th Apr 2011 13:40
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Quote: "Find'em, Feel'em, F(not getting banned)'em , Forget'em"


I've heard that before, and ermes don't worry many my girlfriend of two years left me but after a little bit it got better. Just don't talk for awhile and go out and do things. If you do the opposite you will never get over it.

Best Luck,
OutdoorGamer

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DevilLiger
21
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Location: Fresno,CA,USA
Posted: 10th May 2011 11:54
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the best way to forget about her from what i've been taught. to get her back is at least twice the effort compared to when you first got with her from what girls tell me. if you make yourself to available you'll end up being used and you'll get hurt even more. just date other women and you'll become well again. one thing i've learned about making depression go away is through increasing your totesterone level. one best way is through exercise. not sure but works for curtain guys. so go out there have fun and exercise plenty.

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Van B
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Posted: 10th May 2011 12:08
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Yup, I find that mountainbiking is the best way to unwind, find something to do that gets your blood flowing.

Health, Ammo, and bacon and eggs!
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Michael P
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Posted: 10th May 2011 15:06
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Quote: "Actually...

Find'em, Feel'em, F(not getting banned)'em , Forget'em

Rinse and repeat process as many times as needed."

Hahaha yeah I think it'll reduce your pain if you try to look at it from that perspective.

The best advice I've ever been given is just to go with the flow. Your girlfriend leaving you is an opportunity to do things that you never thought you could do before. Try something new, do something exciting, open doors instead of closing them. I would say if she left you then she wasn't happy, and if she wasn't happy then you probably weren't either.

Lastly, I don't know about your specific situation (obviously) but I've seen people make this mistake over and over so this advice may apply to you. If she's left you then she probably wants space, so the last thing you should do is go over to her begging for her to take you back. You should play hard to get and make her feel like she's lost something valuable, rather than you've lost something valuable. Make yourself seem like the prize and not the other way around.

Also I see lots of people saying don't take her back and I disagree with that. I would take her back quite freely, you might find the breaking up is just a cry for space, so if you get back together give her her space, and make sure you have your own.

Good luck man!

DarkNet - multiplayer plugin
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Wolf
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Posted: 11th May 2011 03:33
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When this happened to me, I've changed completely and wanted to kill myself in some awesome explosion. Therefore I almost joined the french foreign legion.

I'm insanely breakable when it comes to these matters, so all I have left inside me was emptyness and rage.

I came back on my feed, but it changed me forever. I've never felt so close to anyone than her...

Yeah, thats a long story....

So, what helped me:

I started to draw and paint.
Coffee
My good old nerdy internet friends


Okay, If you kept reading, here goes the less useless part of the post:

I believe that loosing someone you love is, like dying, loosing ones parents, getting disappointed one of the awful, but inevitable events in life. Its inavoidable, but even though it hurts, it will bring you forward, to new events in your life, helps you meet new people IF you are not letting the suffering pull you under like I did. Otherwise you'll simply loose all your old friends and 2 years of your life and your job...(like I did).

Aww man! This post is getting worse every word I type >.<

Yeah, get on your feed, keep fighting, don't loose faith and get yourself a beer..

Whatever I should go to bed



-Wolf

I make serious coffee - so strong it wakes up the neighbors.
http://serygalacaffeine.deviantart.com/
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Ermes
21
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Posted: 17th May 2011 10:42
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thanks, and i'm also like this:

Quote: "I'm insanely breakable when it comes to these matters, so all I have left inside me was emptyness and rage."


but i'm recovering.

i think the 4f rule is really ok!!

BTW, start working to something in DBPRO, it's a good sign.

SYS 64738
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