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Geek Culture / Free book!

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SH4773R
15
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Joined: 18th Jan 2010
Location: AMERICA!!!
Posted: 1st Jun 2011 04:49 Edited at: 1st Jun 2011 08:10
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My friend and I wrote a small 14 Si-Fi page book for the English class we are in, I have attached it in RTF format. I know its not the best 14 page book out there but please leave some comments regarding its quality.

Enjoy

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flashing snall
19
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Joined: 8th Oct 2005
Location: Boston
Posted: 3rd Jun 2011 08:19
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Im at the part where the old man dies. I think it would be more personal to say "The next day, Earl died". You gave him a name, but you never used it.
There was a lot of word repetition, so my advice is to right click on a word in Word and go to the synonyms tab and find some better word choice.
Make sure you always proofread your work, I found some double words in there as well as improper grammar and such.

Other than that, so far so good.

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Phaelax
DBPro Master
22
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Joined: 16th Apr 2003
Location: Metropia
Posted: 3rd Jun 2011 08:40
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Quote: "There was a lot of word repetition, so my advice is to right click on a word in Word and go to the synonyms tab and find some better word choice"

But you just used 'word' 4 times in the same sentence

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Quik
16
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Joined: 3rd Jul 2008
Location: Equestria!
Posted: 3rd Jun 2011 11:00 Edited at: 3rd Jun 2011 11:00
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Quote: "There was a lot of word repetition, so my advice is to right click on a word in Word and go to the synonyms tab and find some better word choice"


do you have any idea how much I LOVE this sentence? xD

and for the record, I am a man.

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Fatal Berserker
14
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Joined: 2nd Jul 2010
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Posted: 3rd Jun 2011 13:24
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come on now. A book. I hate books. book is stupid.

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Seppuku Arts
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20
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Joined: 18th Aug 2004
Location: Cambridgeshire, England
Posted: 3rd Jun 2011 13:29 Edited at: 3rd Jun 2011 13:35
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Quote: "come on now. A book. I hate books. book is stupid."


And I was going to make that reference myself...


I'll take a look when I'm a lil less drowsy. But on the note of repetition, there are way around it, if something is already the subject of a sentence, usually it's imply that it is being discussed, so it can be referred to as 'he/she/it'. Plus there's a wealth of vocabulary, e.g. I've got a character in my novel who chuckles quite frequently so I have to avoid saying, "he chuckles" all the time, so I can go for, "he lets out a lighthearted laugh" or "he laughs softly" or say nothing at all if the reader has got this image of him chuckling, it could be complete with just 'ha ha' at the end of his speech but even that might not be necessary, they know it's not a mocking laughter or an evil laughter but just a chuckle.

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flashing snall
19
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Joined: 8th Oct 2005
Location: Boston
Posted: 3rd Jun 2011 17:56
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I dont feel any need to defend my wordy statement. Maybe it makes my point because its so obvious. Maybe I did it on purpose. Who knows?

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