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Geek Culture / Minecraft Comic's

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Johnski
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Posted: 22nd Jun 2011 01:52
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Soo i have been making a few minecraft comics recently as part of my blog 'Media Stakeout' and i want your opinion on them (Not to harsh mind) Just little comments and crits to make me improve.

'The Adventures of Alan and Dave' Episode 2



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Deathead
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Posted: 22nd Jun 2011 01:57
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Reminds me of RvB in terms of the first series where they have no idea how they got there.

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Indicium
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Posted: 22nd Jun 2011 01:59
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Is it a joke?

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Johnski
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Posted: 22nd Jun 2011 01:59
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I have never watched RvB to be honest so that bit is a coincedence

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Johnski
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Posted: 22nd Jun 2011 02:02
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Whats a joke? Ah no, alan (the guy asking the question) asks stupid questions every episode and dave replies with the non-regular answer

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Deathead
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Posted: 22nd Jun 2011 02:11
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Quote: "I have never watched RvB to be honest so that bit is a coincedence"

Well, RvB starts with two people wandering where they are.. Also you should go for more jokes really, perhaps add some photoshopped elements.

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Johnski
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Posted: 22nd Jun 2011 02:14
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Ah i see, Well i have main plot points plotted out and each time they appear in a different location (It is unknown how they get there) But i may add a spolier on how they traval in a future comic. Also thanks for the suggestion! I will defenantly think about it.

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Deathead
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Posted: 22nd Jun 2011 02:16
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Quote: "Ah i see, Well i have main plot points plotted out and each time they appear in a different location (It is unknown how they get there) But i may add a spolier on how they traval in a future comic. Also thanks for the suggestion! I will defenantly think about it.
"

Well, you could easily have it so they meet some creatures and stuff from minecraft like Creepers etc.

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Johnski
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Posted: 22nd Jun 2011 02:18
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I love that idea! Thanks dude. I am going to use that future comics. Like a sort of 'Random Encounter'

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BMacZero
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Posted: 22nd Jun 2011 03:10
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Then the comic ends after strip 11 when a greedy adventurer harvests them both (strip 12 is four panels of empty, green hill)

http://brianmacintosh.com
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Johnski
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Posted: 22nd Jun 2011 12:15
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Haha! Well certainly look into that plot point, thanks for the suggestion

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CoffeeGrunt
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Posted: 22nd Jun 2011 12:21
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I dunt geddit.

What is all the fuss about anyway?
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Johnski
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Posted: 22nd Jun 2011 12:33
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Alan (The guy asking the question) asks a stupid question each comic and Dave (The guy answering) takes the most unusual answer. Therefore in that case it would be: An angry old lady with a ak47

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Van B
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Posted: 22nd Jun 2011 12:54
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I don't get it. It's not that I don't understand it, I just don't get the humour in web comics, it always seems so dry and pointless to me, there's no excuse for it.

For instance, you have the same picture 4 times, an a fairly miserible one at that - look at the backdrop, is that really as pretty as Minecraft can look?. Why have them sitting in front of a hill with mangled trees, when you could find some nice vistas really easily. When one character is doing most of the talking, why not show just that character, have 'Whatever man' at the bottom of the frame with the idiots face beaming. Then when idiot asks where they are, have a really epic screenshot, maybe they are sitting on a hollowed out mountain, or some interesting cave formations are right under their nose - have the scene zoomed really far out, to show the epicness of where they are. Or have a lot of creepers surrounding them, something like that - anything but that same frame for a 4th time.

Health, Ammo, and bacon and eggs!
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C0wbox
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Posted: 22nd Jun 2011 13:42
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Yeah I agree with Van B on all of that. - I'm half tempted to redo that comic just to illustrate the effects. xD

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CoffeeGrunt
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Posted: 22nd Jun 2011 13:55
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Also you can't have the same joke for every comic, that'll get boring in ten seconds flat.

Even when, no offense, it's a pretty weak joke at that.

What is all the fuss about anyway?
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Johnski
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Posted: 22nd Jun 2011 14:41 Edited at: 22nd Jun 2011 21:52
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MOD EDIT Removed

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Deathead
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Posted: 22nd Jun 2011 14:46
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Quote: "To be honest i knew it was a bad idea posting on here because i NEVER get any good crits. i always get bashed about my work. And dont re-do it i have ways of copyrighting my work."

Eh.. Don't worry, just keep working at it.

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Quik
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Posted: 22nd Jun 2011 14:46
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Quote: " And dont re-do it i have ways of copyrighting my work."


its already copy righted to you, no need to worry about that.

and theyre not bashing, theyre citisising, since you didnt tell them not to theyre free to do so, if you cannot thake critisism in a good way i suggest next time you ask us NOT to give you that.

and for the record, I am a man.

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Johnski
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Posted: 22nd Jun 2011 14:48
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Thanks dude, This comic was only a tester of my skills so i will work on a more better storline that actualy makes sense after 5 comics of alan and dave.

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CoffeeGrunt
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Posted: 22nd Jun 2011 14:57
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Okay. There's no problems with that. Just that you said:

Quote: "Ah no, alan (the guy asking the question) asks stupid questions every episode and dave replies with the non-regular answer"


And that every comic would rapidly get old. Webomc's are a hard thing to write because they have to be both appealing to the eye in terms of art style, and also funny and different each time.

The only webcomics I read regularly is Rooster Teeth's, although Happiness and Cyanide is also good. VGCats does the video game satire pretty well now and then.

I'm a masochist, I always ask for brutal criticism on my work. It means I have a bigger list to work on, rather than "fix dis story."

What is all the fuss about anyway?
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Johnski
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Posted: 22nd Jun 2011 15:11
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Ahh i see, I plan to kill of alan and dave sooner than expected anyway and start with a more interesting plot line with sub-plots

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Van B
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Posted: 22nd Jun 2011 15:36
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Maybe you shouldn't, or don't have to kill off Alan and Dave. I mean, what if they are just 2 pumpkins sitting, telling jokes, stories etc. Use them as presenters. If you want to have a story about a guy and a creeper, then make that a story told by Alan or Dave, depending on how crazy it is. Like the idiot pumpkin might tell outlandish, impossible stories whilst the other one might tell more satirical, but more realistic stories. What else have 2 imobile pumpkins got to do all day besides talk.

I think that would work out - contrast between one pumpkin who is an idiot, tells daft jokes and stories that just couldn't happen, then have the other pumkin show interest in new things in Minecraft, tells idiot what Notch is up to, maybe idiot doesn't believe in Notch... that sort of thing. Maybe some inspiration could be gleamed from Arby and the Chief.

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Johnski
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Posted: 22nd Jun 2011 15:43
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I see where you are coming from and i will use that in the next comic. I have an idea how to end the alan and dave comic without killing them off. Thanks van b for that idea

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Libervurto
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Posted: 22nd Jun 2011 20:20 Edited at: 22nd Jun 2011 20:22
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You need to check your grammar.
"which is the strongest?", "More strong" or "stronger", never "more stronger"
"An angry old lady with an AK47" not "A angry old lady with a AK47" say that out loud and it sounds like you have no teeth!
"What's" not "Whats's" or was that a reference to creepers hissing?

Quote: "To be honest i knew it was a bad idea posting on here because i NEVER get any good crits. i always get bashed about my work. And dont re-do it i have ways of copyrighting my work."

To be honest there are several very good critiques on this thread with detailed explanations on what you are doing wrong and how to improve. If you're going to be a spoiled brat about the slightest negativity then that's probably why your comic sucks. I'm not trying to dishearten you, I'm not saying you can't write a good comic, but you failed this time. Keep trying and take criticism on board and you'll get better results each time.

I made my own version of your comic , I actually really like the block characters they have potential. Not going to steal your idea or nothing though so keep the lawyers leashed!

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Johnski
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Posted: 22nd Jun 2011 21:32
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Wow! That was awesome! May i use that in a future alan and dave strip? (Obviously a fresh start and a new location) i will credit you as co-writer

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BMacZero
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Posted: 22nd Jun 2011 21:35
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I don't know what you mean by "ridiculous answers", I would pick the old lady, too .

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Johnski
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Posted: 22nd Jun 2011 21:36
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haha lol

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Johnski
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Posted: 23rd Jun 2011 00:03
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New Comic!!

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C0wbox
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Posted: 23rd Jun 2011 05:06
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I prefered the angle in the first comic. - They were more talking to each other, rather than sitting next to each other.

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Le Shorte
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Posted: 23rd Jun 2011 05:50
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Uhm. I'm not really a fan of either... To be quite frank, I can't see how any of this could be considered funny...

Seems like something anyone can, but wouldn't come up with-- because there's simply no direction to the comic, nor reason to read a comic two pumpkins sitting around talking.

Personally, I'd just drop the same picture each time. Come up with something new for each panel, or at least most of them.

Cheesehead for life.
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Uncle Sam
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Posted: 23rd Jun 2011 06:34
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I think if someone tries Van B's ideas it will fly. No offense Johnski. I mean, if you are just doing this for fun, that's cool. But as you can see from the responses, (most) people don't find these kinds of jokes funny.

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Herakles
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Posted: 23rd Jun 2011 09:53
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I made a silly litle comic like this in Fallout 3. "Herakles In Megaton" is what I called it. You can read it here (go to page 2 in the Image section):

http://www.fallout3nexus.com/modules/members/index.php?id=1273996page=&navtag=images&page=1

I was watching a lot of Monty Python and listening to a lot of Judas Priest (and, obviously, playing Fallout 3) while I was doing this little series, so those were my inspirations. Maybe you could read some of my stuff there and get some inspiration for your own comic. They seemed to like it over on the Nexus.

Fair warning though, it does get somewhat crude at times, especially in #4. Nothing too serious, but still enough to warrant a warning. And you won't get a lot of the jokes if you haven't played Fallout 3 and used mods (it is on a Fallout 3 mod site after all).

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TheComet
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Posted: 23rd Jun 2011 11:45
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That last one was already better An altered version of obese87's, but still... Maybe do one in a cave with creepers, and they are sitting around a torch?

TheComet

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Johnski
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Posted: 23rd Jun 2011 13:10
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@herakles brilliant! Loved them

I have decided to kill off alan and dave to make way for another proper comic, It will be still done in minecraft, the new one will have main plot points and sub-stories.

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Deathead
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Posted: 23rd Jun 2011 14:14
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I think I know why it isn't that funny, I think it is because the pumpkins don't convey too much emotion as well, as it would be funny to include emotions to really show Dave's hatred.

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nackidno
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Posted: 23rd Jun 2011 17:55
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I'd recommend you to draw the images yourself, that way you have more control to do whatever you want. Using Minecraft screenshots probably prevent the comic from reaching its full potential. If you are not a good drawer, then you could Photoshop the pictures to make them more interesting. But I personally prefer hand-drawn images. Best of luck with your comic!

Check out my singing diary/showcase/blog
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Libervurto
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Posted: 23rd Jun 2011 20:06 Edited at: 23rd Jun 2011 20:13
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Here's an idea, you could use minecraft to set up the scene and then trace over the screenshots in an image editor to add in the details you want like facial expressions.
I'd like to see the pumpkins as commentators like VanB suggested. There could be manic stuff happening in the background.

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Johnski
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Posted: 23rd Jun 2011 20:42
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Hmm yes, i see. So alan and dave are good but not at current

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Libervurto
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Posted: 23rd Jun 2011 21:29 Edited at: 23rd Jun 2011 21:39
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Could I write a couple for you? Well let's start with one, I might get bored / run out of ideas after one!

Dieting
ALAN: Hey Dave, I'm thinking about going on a diet.
DAVE: Huh? Why would you need to go on a diet?
ALAN: Have you seen that skeleton roaming around? He's really slim, looks in great shape.
DAVE: ... He's a skeleton...
ALAN: Yeah. So I was thinking about Atkins or maybe that weird cabbage diet everyone's talking about, what do you think?
DAVE: I think you're trying to emulate an un-dead, fully-decomposed corpse.
ALAN: So?
DAVE: So, you're a pumpkin.
ALAN: Are you calling me fat!?

A New Pet
ALAN: Hey Dave!
DAVE: What now?
ALAN: Guess what Dave...
DAVE: What.
ALAN: I got a new pet today!
DAVE: It's not another pig is it? The last one chewed half my face off.
ALAN: No, it's not a pig. It's a dog!
DAVE: A dog? There aren't any dogs in minecraft.
ALAN: Sure there are. They're everywhere, they're super friendly, but they do make a mess which makes people mad at them but they are so cool and cute and...
DAVE: OK! Where is this dog?
ALAN: I'll call him. CHARLIEEEE! HERE BOY! THERE'S A GOOD BOY! COME ON!
*tssss*
DAVE: OMG You idiot!
(Creeper runs up and explodes)

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Johnski
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Posted: 23rd Jun 2011 22:22
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Love them! I will credit you as writer and me as creator

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Johnski
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Posted: 27th Jun 2011 12:39
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New Comic, Written by Obese 87!



Comments and crits Perleez!

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Indicium
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Posted: 27th Jun 2011 12:54
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Crit: In the last slide, it should be you're not your. Maybe it should have a picture of a skeleton coming by, or something.

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Johnski
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Posted: 27th Jun 2011 13:20
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Haha! Didnt notice that, The next comic will be the last in the alan and dave series.

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bitJericho
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Posted: 27th Jun 2011 14:13
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I don't like the punchline. I think the "So. your a pumpkin" should be completely removed and just have him looking blankly at the other pumpkin.

[center]Official TGC President elect.
Pwning newbs since 2002.
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CoffeeGrunt
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Posted: 27th Jun 2011 14:23
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If you opened up Paint, you could probably edit the pictures to give varying expression to the pumpkins.

Or better, make a custom texture pack with blocks replace by pumpkins of varying textures with different faces.

What is all the fuss about anyway?
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Johnski
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Posted: 27th Jun 2011 14:54
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@Mr. President I see, well obese87 wrote this episode, Also this is 1 of the last episodes to feature alan and dave (They get killed by a creeper in the last comic) which will also be written by obese87.

@coffeegrunt, i like that idea!

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Blobby 101
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Posted: 27th Jun 2011 16:06
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ooh, this could turn political, The President doesn't like the Vice President's writing! Quickly, to the TGC times! xD

not bad though, I still think you should use different images in each frame, it's not much of a comic if each frame has the same pic.

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Johnski
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Posted: 27th Jun 2011 16:14
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Yes, i will implement different images in the next comic i have planned (Not alan and dave)

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TheComet
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Posted: 27th Jun 2011 23:00 Edited at: 27th Jun 2011 23:01
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You should have a skeleton running around in the background (different positions in every screenshot).

Here's one I whipped up quickly:



TheComet

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