Sorry your browser is not supported!

Been trying my hand at some youtube video game role play, any feedback would be great!

Nice. I also checked out your LPs, cool to see another LPer. I've been doing some, quite fun. I like the idea though, of a role-play LP makes it different then just the normal Minecraft LP - which usually involves let's get some wood *insert immature joke*.

~ I like the premise... and I think I understand what you are going for. However, I feel that the script/dialogue needs a little tweaking.

~ The action took too long to get going, and when it seemed like it would... it tapered off .

~ There was some realness to the situation leading up to 00:54 sec mark, but you didn't grab the viewer early on enough (many will tune out). And right when it seemed you had found a stride.... it went flat.

~ A lot of repetitiveness in both action and description. Even using the same words like "dense", for example,, without emotion or any sense of impending danger or fright.

~ I became disinterested by the 06:00 mark, but continued on because being apart of the TGC community... we all know the effort that goes into any project.

~ I think you have a good idea,, but I also think you need to put a little more effort into making the situation believable. Reallym put yourself more into the situation.

~ At points I think you spend too much time on trivial things, "The Cat/Wild animals". Perhaps,, it's not so much the amount of time, but more about it not being believable.

~This genre is tough to do,, even something like "The Blair Witch Project" had a large amount of lackluster moments,, but something... something, kept me watching till the end. Even if it was disappointing it kept me thinking that anything could happen next. And at times I believed these people were lost and scared. They just had the redundancy issue as well.

~ I do think it was a mistake to step out of character by acknowledging this was a blog,, I think you should stay in character.

~ Develop the character a little more. Add some depth, get a little more emotional... perhaps talk about things that people really would... thoughts of friends loved ones. You need to sound more like a person who is scared, that perhaps they are filming what will be their final hours.

Pretty good start. Just an addition: When he's being attacked and the camera "goes off" it picks up where you left off, meaning the camera somehow stopped time? I think the camera going off should actually skip about 2 minutes or more of time. So like, the spider was following you, attacked you, then skip forward to where you wind up in a cave or safe spot, with less health.

Other than that, I kinda liked it =]

Thanks guys.

@zenassem thanks for taking the time in your feedback, some really helpful pointers.

@Destrugter 1 nice little tip

Think i will stick with the role play jungle thing, sort out a better script and editting software

BTW,, re-reading my post I think that I emphasized "scared" too much. I'm still not sure what the right word is. Your character seems like one who, although being in a traumatic experience, is skillful and resourceful enough to pull himself together... and get on with figuring what needs to be done to survive. He knows he must explore his surroundings, and obtain resources.

I like the way you've done that and I believe it should be kept that way,, just with a little more adventure or excitement (being mindful not to OVER-DO it). There's a fine balance that you'll need to find.

I also enjoyed some of the humor... like the first time the sheep makes an appearance. Just be careful not to stay with one gag a too long.