lol, epic thread is epic...
OP, if you can get through my rant, I'll give you some decent advice if it ain't too late...
I'll admit there are some potentially offensive comments here but I think they are being taken "out of contents" context) - it's actually on somebody's sig (wish I remembered who but my crazy pills are kicking in so my memory is fuzzy - I am by no means having a go at the mentally handicapped so if all the crazies could please not post spiteful rebuttals, tks. FYI: I'm insane too)... RETURNing to the issue. I'd like to just say that Political Correctness is nothing more than a worse form of biggotism/bigotry(?spelling?). Nothing annoys me more than hearing the phrases "My
gay friend", "My
black friend", "My
Japanese friend", "My
Jewish friend"...etc. "Look at me, I'm such a liberal, I have [insert category] friends". It's such blatant advertising it makes me sick (not because of any "ims" but simply because it show the sad state of society as a whole. That is the same mentality behind "not saying things that upset people of certain genders/rces/religions... Yeah pretend there isn't an elephant in the room...
My philosophy has always been one of complete neutrality. I joke about my race and my gender (in fact I criticise men regularly) as much as I joke about others. Being too sensitive is stupid. I have a friend who's half Japanese and I call her [name abbreviation]-chan and often pass comments about a Japanese conspiracy to rule the world through addictive J-RPGs and h-games. One of my aunts is a lesbian and I refuse to walk on eggshells around her and her partner. I actually asked them to show me their wedding pics one day because I've only ever seen hetro wedding pics. Why? Because I don't care about politically correct rubbish. I have epilepsy and have had so many siezures that my right shoulder now dislocates if I fall or lift something at the wrong angle and the left one is on its way. My friends call my "[insert various names of plastic toy with detatchable limbs] Doll". They make comments implying certain things that "all boys do" as the cause when they find out I've dislocated my right shoulder again. My epilepsy is a constant joke among us. Does it bother me? Nope. I laugh and we all laugh together. If we can't lol at ourselves, then it's just sad. So what I'm getting at in a very round about way is "Groups" should stop getting offended if somebody is making a sexist/racist/religious joke and realize that a)the person usually doesn't mean it seriously and b)If they do mean it seriously, is it worth
lowering yourself to their level to start an argument with them? I agree that "some wars must be fought" but I say pick the battles. And on that note, I'm now gonna change sides and say that on a technicality, Jane Doe has a point. By the rules set forth on this site, this thread's offending comments are all technically against policy since they are discriminatory. My comment, too, is against AUP as I am expressing a political-ish viewpoint. But then we'd best request a thread-lock on the "Happy [easter/xmas/new years] etc threads because they're spouting (dum, dum duuuuuuum *drumroll*) Religion *Organ music*.... It's a silly sort of world at the end of the day.
To OP:
Most people, me too, get nervous around someone they like. For men it's a little harder because society dictated that we have to do the asking out/proposals etc (Although I was asked out by a girl once and she took the masculine roll and I the feminine roll. She decided what we did where we went, when we had our first kiss and the only masculine thing i did was pay...wait a minute, I've been had!).
Basically, you first have to decide how serious this "liking" of this girl is and how much you're willing to invest (emotionally/physically/financially/the whole thing). Next, if she's worth it, you have to try and get her to enjoy your company. So continue go out together with her friends like you've been doing and just take the opportunity to chat with her whenever you can. Making her laugh is good too. Then, when you've built up a decent image of yourself in her eyes (it doesn't have to be perfect, life is not a bishoujo game, contrary to popular belief), just call her up one day when you know she's free (you could get her number from her friends or just be direct and ask for it. I think women prefer the latter as the former is somewhat invasive). Be sure to ask her IF she is free on xyz day first (even if you know she is. Then it'll give her an out if she doesn't want to). Someone said "stay away from movies" and I have to agree - to a certain degree. Interaction is better and being
original is a big plus. Picnic in the botanical gardens, weather permitting and, of course, if she likes that sorta stuff (hey I know we all hate sunlight, but we gotta get out the basement and bit the bullet now and then). Something like an exhibition of whatever she may find interesting (art/technology/history/etc.) followed by coffee and a light lunch/dinner may also win you "points". Ultimately, choose something that suits her personality best though. As for not being "the nice guy" that's tough. You want her, but at the same time, you want her to want
you and not who you're pretending to be. That's why it's good to be yourself. As for nerves and lack of decisiveness, some women find that cute but many (sadly) don't. If you think she's the latter, you just gotta push through the nerves. Ultimately just treat her kindly, make her laugh, don't be afraid to jest a little about quirky things she does and always respect her but not to the determent of your own self-respect.
......IMHO of course.......
