Let us begin with a simple analysis.
1) Buttered bread must fall butter side down.
2) A cat always lands on its feet.
So what happens when a piece of buttered bread is attached to the back of the cat?
Acording to Newtons third law, a force acting upon an object will
exert an equal but opposite force on the adjacent object. The cat exerts a force C on the toast, which in mathematical notation is Ft = -C =( Mass of cat ) * g.
Acording to Murphys law of probability, any event in a constant time frame is said to happen to the inverse of the most preferable. In this case, we have only two possible cases, P(T = toast) lands buttered side up, or Ti=1-P(T) (Inverse probability of toast) landing downwward.
But From our previous mention of Murphy's Law, we can clealy see that P(T)= 0( or 0% of it happening ) and P(T) = 1 ( or 100% of it happening ).
Thus this is an equilibrium problem as there are two forces acting in two different directions, namely T and C. If The Air resistance is taken into consideration, and we have that C = T then if the toast is placed only slightly to the side of the center of gravity of the cat then we have a non-equilibral condition. So this then implies a rotational tourqe ( call it t for short ). t can be calculated by applying the tangental force aplied multiplied by the cross product of the radius r of the cat to the toast. So
t = Cos(theta) * r * ( Aplied force )
This applied force is quite weak as it's only reliant on air
resistance. But this then presents us with another problem. We have a conflict of laws of physics and philosophy ( ie. Murphy vs Newton )
Einstein in his thesis on general relativity however shows that
Newton's third law does not always apply to objects nearing the speed of light. So the only conclusion we can draw is that the cat with toast strapped to its back will rotate at near light speed. However, the closer one gets to the center of the cat the faster the cat will have to spin. So the cat will not only spin, but be completely mangled in the process by the fact that it's insides spin faster than it's skin and outer flesh.
The law that cat's land on their feet is also going to play a part
in this discussion. We realised the two forces C and T will
simultaniously act apon one another, causing the cat and the toast to either shoot upwards indefinitely, increasing in speed as gravity decreases the further one is away from earth, hover above the ground, or plummet downwards. The latter seems the most feesable, with a difference however that it will not stop. The immence rotations of the cat and toast will generate enormous amounts of heat as it comes into contact with the ground through friction and tunnel downwards, eventually reaching the
center of the earth. By that time the cat's legs will have been eroded away, the butter will be off the toast and thus the laws which we first used do not apply any more. So the cat will stop spinning somewhere in the earth's crust.
Can we use this as a source of energy?
Scientists all over the world have tried their best to contain the unstable reaction of cat and buttered toast, but were unable to design anything usable.
A group of scientists from the CABT lab (cat and buttered toast) were able to create a genetically enhanced toast with cat legs. However, as soon as the butter reached critical mass, it spun out of control and destroyed the lab.
Experiments show that suspending the cat and buttered toast in a chamber full of water causes the cat to catch on fire, fueled by the hydrogen and oxygen from the split water molecules, and then explode.
We have yet to find a solution to this problem.
TheComet
