Quote: "
Description - As a seal member in a world of betrayal, you must collect Intel and protect oil that the United States is hogging. As you battle through the London subways, you meet a Russian Super Spy that claims that he did your work for you. But as it turns out. He did something wrong and now you have a meeting with the president... You better hope this isn't anything serious.
"
That description is a garbled mess...
What is a "seal member"?
"collect Intel" - The company? If you mean "intelligence" there should be no capitalisation and writing the full word looks better. What's the process of gathering this intel? Is it just a collectible or is it actual information that can be used to our advantage?
"Protect oil that the United States is hogging" - Are we protecting a natural oil source; a contract; oil barrels that might be stolen? "Hogging" is too informal for the genre you're trying to portray. What exactly are they "hogging": same issue as before. The US is not an entity, it can't "hog" anything, if you mean the US Government then it's best to clarify that. (It's always good to use words like "Government" that evoke thoughts of corruption, clandestine organization and empiricism.)
"as you battle through the London Subways" - It's more commonly known as the London Underground. How are we battling through a railway network? Why are we in London if we're protecting oil for the US?
"you meet a Russian Super Spy that claims that he did your work for you." - He can't be a very "super" spy if we've revealed his identity just after meeting him. Why are we meeting him? Is he on our side? How does he fit into this? Who is he? This seems like it might be an important plot point so I don't know why you have revealed it in the description.
"He did something wrong" - Did he lie to his mother? Did he have sex with a badger? What did he do wrong? How important is his mistake? It doesn't sound very important the way you describe it.
"you have a meeting with the president... You better hope this isn't anything serious." - "President" should be capitalised. Is this a secret meeting? Why does the President want to see us? Who are we!? Is this connected to the Russian Spy? Does this even have anything to do with the rest of the story or is this a new plot point? Why are we hoping it's not serious? We seem to know what the Russian is doing so why are we suddenly in the dark about what the President wants from us?
Now onto the feature list...
Feature lists are awful things at the best of times but yours manages to be particularly bad. For a start you'd do better to put this information in a table instead of having the version in brackets after every feature; or at least separate them into demo and full versions, repeating text is okay if it adds clarity and reduces mess.
Quote: "Intelligent AI (Full Version and Demo)
Good level Design (Full Version and Demo)"
These are both subjective and don't tell us anything.
Quote: "Lighting (Full Version and Demo)
Water (Full Version)"
These again tell us nothing.
Quote: "Iron Sights(Full Version and Demo)"
I don't know why people list this as a feature, I can't imagine it making a difference when deciding whether to buy a game or not. I can't really shout at you for it though seeing as everyone else does it.
Quote: "AC-130 (Full Version)"
I have no idea what that is.
Quote: "Multi-Player (Full Version)
MP=Multiplayer"
Why is this on the list twice and why do you use an acronym if it needs to be immediately explained? Don't use acronyms if you can avoid it. What game modes are available for multi-player? Can I play it online or only locally?
Quote: "Zombie Mode (Full Version)"
What is this zombie mode? Are we a zombie? Do we kill zombies? To we find a cure for their infection?
Quote: "24 Levels (Full Version)"
This is okay but it would help to know how big the levels are and/or roughly how long they take to pay through.
Quote: "Downloadable Maps (Full Version)"
Why are these extra maps not in the game on release? Do I miss out on vital parts of the game if I don't have these maps? Do I have to pay extra for them? Will you be making more maps after release?
Nowhere in the description or features do you give any explanation of the game-play. The only indication that this involves guns is the iron-sights feature. How much of the game involves gun fights? Are there puzzle elements? What do we actually do in the game?
I'll have to give this a try now that I've torn this to shreds. You might have a great game here but you are doing a terrible job of introducing it.
Shh... you're pretty.
