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Geek Culture / DBPro bug report: Whisky

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Philip
21
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Joined: 15th Jun 2003
Location: United Kingdom
Posted: 19th Dec 2004 19:16 Edited at: 19th Dec 2004 19:16
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My seasonal joke bug report:

"Hey, I'm like, er, new here and, er, apart from, er, not being able to write a post in good English, er, I want to, er, complain about, er, the software.

So I tried DBPro while drinking a lot of good scotch whisky. After a while I discovered my code wasn't doing what I wanted. Then it stopped compiling entirely - kept getting errors. Then after a while my hand & eye coordination broke down. Then I lost the ability to focus and then I think I must have fallen asleep.

I like looked on the box and everything but I don't see no warning about not drinking lots of whisky with this product. I'm really unhappy cos I want to write a MMORPG ... " (etc. etc. ad nauseum)

Post your joke bug reports below.

Philip

What do you mean, bears aren't supposed to wear hats and a tie? P3.2ghz / 1 gig / GeForce FX 5900 128meg / WinXP home
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OSX Using Happy Dude
21
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Joined: 21st Aug 2003
Location: At home
Posted: 19th Dec 2004 19:40
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Error:Code is badly laid out - and wouldn't work even if it was...

Beware the cat... The alien... The heretic...
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IanG
19
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Joined: 25th Sep 2004
Location: Cyberspace
Posted: 19th Dec 2004 19:57
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error:code is typed by a retard, so we believe that it would do you computer harm, therefore it will not be compiled

Used to be Phoenix_insane registered in september 2003 despite what the date says to the left <--
PC - amd athlon 2.0ghz, 512mb, GeForce FX 5200 128mb, 200gb, xp pro sp2
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Damokles
21
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Joined: 28th May 2003
Location: Belgium
Posted: 19th Dec 2004 20:39
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Yeah, I also had a problem, so I wrote a letter to Lee. Here it is :

Quote: "Dear Mr. Bamber,

I bought the online version of DarkBASIC Professionnal a few weeks ago. But I have the regret to inform you, that this product doesn't run like I expected. In fact, it doesn't work at all.

Of course I called the customer service. There were very nice people talking to me, but they are all ignorant. At first they asked me to check my email, but I have no email address, so they continued telling me what I have to do. The problem was that I could absolutely not see what they meant.
They were asking if I had a blue "E" or a green "N" in the corner of my screen. Fact was that I had a big black nothing on my whole screen. They also asked me to click on the mouse, which had no effect at all. Even when they told me to instal direct X I had a problem : the CD ROM drive didn't open.

Then they said My PC had a problem, so I brought the computer to the store, but the shop-keeper said it worked fine.
May I get my money back ? Of course I will send you this online version back as soon as possible.

M. Damokles

P.S.: I wrote a letter because I also have problems with the email company called hotmail, it also shows a big black screen.
"


- Mind the gap -
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Dave J
Retired Moderator
21
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Joined: 11th Feb 2003
Location: Secret Military Pub, Down Under
Posted: 19th Dec 2004 21:04
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One must wonder how he purchased the online version of DBP if he can't work out how to turn his computer on.


"Computers are useless - They can only give you answers."
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empty
22
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Joined: 26th Aug 2002
Location: 3 boats down from the candy
Posted: 19th Dec 2004 21:34
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Quote: "They were asking if I had a blue "E" or a green "N" in the corner of my screen. Fact was that I had a big black nothing on my whole screen."

Three Dead Trolls in a Baggie: Internet Helpdesk.

Play Nice! Play Basic!
Version 1.05 available now!
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Damokles
21
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Joined: 28th May 2003
Location: Belgium
Posted: 19th Dec 2004 21:44 Edited at: 19th Dec 2004 21:51
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Quote: "Dear Mr. Bamber,

Maybe we can find another way to solve my problem. That's why I will tell the whole story :
My neighbour is a genius with computers, he can do everything with it, he even has a homepage, so you see how good he is. He's always talking about how much money somebody could earn, if he creates a MMORPG. He also told that DarkBASIC Professionnal was the best programm do do it, so he ordered it for me.
When he got it, I directly bought the new PC with a Pentium 4 and 256 GHz or something like that. He told me he would help me with all the difficult stuff like changing the ink of the printer, changing the size of the letters in a text, ... Now you surely see how good he is.
But we have a big problem right now : his parents don't allow him to go out, because he had a bad report at school. I hope it won't last too long, because he was also helping me to get those addresses in my cellular phone.

M. Damokles"


Nice empty. At least somebody recognised it

- Mind the gap -
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Flashing Blade
21
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Joined: 19th Oct 2002
Location: United Kingdom
Posted: 19th Dec 2004 22:36
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Quote: "drinking a lot of good scotch whisky"


it's whisky but not as wisky as a bank waid


The word "Gullible" cannot be found in any English Dictionary.
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Ilya
21
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Joined: 10th Aug 2003
Location:
Posted: 19th Dec 2004 23:07 Edited at: 19th Dec 2004 23:07
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Error: No Error

(A real error in Half-life)
(That crashes it.)

Quote: "I've seen the word programming and I'm not sure what it means. Anybody please explain?"


Quote: "We shouldn't sacrifice the truth to preserve "balance"."
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IanG
19
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Joined: 25th Sep 2004
Location: Cyberspace
Posted: 19th Dec 2004 23:38
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error: newbie asking what a dll is, this computer will now fire it's rockets and escape thru your window where it will fly to the tca to help him in his quest for world domination

Used to be Phoenix_insane registered in september 2003 despite what the date says to the left <--
PC - amd athlon 2.0ghz, 512mb, GeForce FX 5200 128mb, 200gb, xp pro sp2
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Rob K
Retired Moderator
22
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Joined: 10th Sep 2002
Location: Surrey, United Kingdom
Posted: 20th Dec 2004 00:31
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I really have seen this error in DBPro (I cannot remember how I managed to get it though):

Error: Success


BlueGUI:Windows UI Plugin - All the power of the windows interface in your DBPro games.
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Zero Blitzt
20
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Joined: 18th Jan 2004
Location: Different Stages
Posted: 20th Dec 2004 00:33
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Error: Cannot understand command at line 1 "Sync on"


"And C++ has 2 version Microsoft visual C++ and Bordland C++."
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Xander
21
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Joined: 3rd Mar 2003
Location: In college...yeah!
Posted: 20th Dec 2004 01:31 Edited at: 20th Dec 2004 01:32
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Error: Unknown command at line 1 "Sync rate 60", only newbies limit the sync rate

Another...

Error: Resolution too low at line 5 "set display mode 320,240,16", this isn't the nineties anymore

Xander Moser - Bolt Software - Firewall
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Ian T
22
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Joined: 12th Sep 2002
Location: Around
Posted: 20th Dec 2004 01:42
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Quote: "only newbies limit the sync rate"





[center]
Join the fun in #darkbasic!
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Teh Go0rfmeister
21
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Posted: 20th Dec 2004 02:14
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whaaaaaaaat?

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Philip
21
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Joined: 15th Jun 2003
Location: United Kingdom
Posted: 20th Dec 2004 02:42
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Error: universe has crashed at line 10.

Error: out of beer

Philip

What do you mean, bears aren't supposed to wear hats and a tie? P3.2ghz / 1 gig / GeForce FX 5900 128meg / WinXP home
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Philip
21
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Posted: 20th Dec 2004 02:44
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(sung to the music of the song) Error: don't worry ... about a thing ... cos every little thing will be alright!

What do you mean, bears aren't supposed to wear hats and a tie? P3.2ghz / 1 gig / GeForce FX 5900 128meg / WinXP home
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Mnemonix
21
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Joined: 2nd Dec 2002
Location: Skaro
Posted: 20th Dec 2004 02:50
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Error: Cannot create compiler.exe. Access denied.

The 3d chat is coming...
Rights For Traffic Cones!
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Benjamin
21
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Joined: 24th Nov 2002
Location: France
Posted: 20th Dec 2004 03:30
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Error: Mnemonix is making up stupid errors.

CURRENT PROJECT: Chaos Hizzle Demo
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Neofish
20
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Joined: 7th Apr 2004
Location: A swimming pool of coke
Posted: 20th Dec 2004 03:35
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Error: Command makeMMORPG() not recognised.

:: Current Project - FLevels ::

:: WinXP Pro SP 1 : 2.8 GHz Celeron : 512 MB DIMM RAM : 64 MB Radeon IGP 345M : 40 GB HDD ::
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Teh Go0rfmeister
21
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Posted: 20th Dec 2004 03:54
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error: there is not enough system memory to display this error message. please close a few applications and try again.

error:

error: there was an error showing the previous error message

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Ilya
21
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Joined: 10th Aug 2003
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Posted: 20th Dec 2004 06:19
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Error: Blitz is installed on your computer.

Error: You don't have the DBP C++ SDK installed.

Error: Your computer sucks.

Error: Your codes suck.

Error: You spent more than a week on this. It'll be deleted now.

Error: Cannot format computer, access is denied.

Quote: "I've seen the word programming and I'm not sure what it means. Anybody please explain?"


Quote: "We shouldn't sacrifice the truth to preserve "balance"."
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Osiris
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Joined: 6th Aug 2004
Location: Robbinsdale, MN
Posted: 20th Dec 2004 11:04
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Error: Windows cannot find anything, please reinstall windows

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Benjamin
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Posted: 20th Dec 2004 11:26
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Error: The Windows error table has been deleted, can not display error.

CURRENT PROJECT: Chaos Hizzle Demo
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Benjamin
21
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Joined: 24th Nov 2002
Location: France
Posted: 20th Dec 2004 11:29
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Error: Error: Error: Error: Error: Error: Error: Error: Error: Error: Error: Error: Error: Error: Error: Error: Error: Error: Error: Error: Error: Error: Error: Error: Error: Error: Error: Error: Error: Error: Error: Error: Error: Error: Error: Error: Error: Error: Error: Error: Error: Error: Error: Error: Error: Error: Error: Error: Error: Error: Error: Out of RAM to display error. *dies*

CURRENT PROJECT: Chaos Hizzle Demo
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Lost in Thought
20
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Joined: 4th Feb 2004
Location: U.S.A. : Douglas, Georgia
Posted: 20th Dec 2004 11:33 Edited at: 20th Dec 2004 11:50
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[edited]
Error: Did you really expect that code to run? DBP will now be uninstalled and 3DGM will be installed.

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Osiris
20
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Joined: 6th Aug 2004
Location: Robbinsdale, MN
Posted: 20th Dec 2004 11:36 Edited at: 20th Dec 2004 11:37
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Error: windows couldnot delete explorer.exe file is in use by windows
------------------------------------------------------
Error: paperclip.exe has preformed 94,708 illegal operations and will now be shot
------------------------------------------------------

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Ilya
21
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Posted: 20th Dec 2004 11:51
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Error: You are not not using a antinonpirated noncopy of Windows.

Error: Your CPU just lit on fire and your monitor is about to explode. Windows is sorry for the loss of your CPU and yourself. Sort of. Would you like to have a siezure before you die? *Activate siezure program*

Quote: "I've seen the word programming and I'm not sure what it means. Anybody please explain?"


Quote: "We shouldn't sacrifice the truth to preserve "balance"."
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Jeku
Moderator
21
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Joined: 4th Jul 2003
Location: Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada
Posted: 20th Dec 2004 14:57
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Error displaying error message. Click OK to continue.

*click*

Error displaying error message. Click OK to continue.

*click*

Error disp.... *forever*


--[GameBasic - Coming Soon]-- ^^^ banner generously designed by TheBigBabou
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IanG
19
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Joined: 25th Sep 2004
Location: Cyberspace
Posted: 20th Dec 2004 18:54
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I am Microsoft of Borg, prepare to be ;#@(&$
error: An error has accured in borg.dll
Press any key to reformat C.
we are NOT sorry for this *ha*

Used to be Phoenix_insane registered in september 2003 despite what the date says to the left <--
PC - amd athlon 2.0ghz, 512mb, GeForce FX 5200 128mb, 200gb, xp pro sp2
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adr
21
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Joined: 21st May 2003
Location: Job Centre
Posted: 20th Dec 2004 19:11 Edited at: 20th Dec 2004 19:13
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Quote: "I really have seen this error in DBPro (I cannot remember how I managed to get it though):

Error: Success"

As sad as this may sound, that was a running joke at my last place of work. If you've ever used evolution as a mail client, then you may have experienced it's crappy errors. One of which is "Generic Error", which is pretty much non-consequential. The other, is "Warning: Success!" which we thought was pretty funny....

As for a silly error message:

Error 1415: hello! download link. dll return string! sample please helo tanks.

(sorry ... but posts from "that person" always manage to cheer me up. If I've offended anyone, then sorry. I find the desperate attempt at communication kind of amusing.)

That'd be pretty cool actually ... you can change the compiler error messages can't you?


How good is your game? - Billy Paul
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OSX Using Happy Dude
21
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Location: At home
Posted: 20th Dec 2004 19:15
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Error:This message was displayed in error... Or was it ?

Beware the cat... The alien... The heretic...
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adr
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Location: Job Centre
Posted: 20th Dec 2004 19:47
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That's kinda like

Error: j/k


How good is your game? - Billy Paul
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Preston C
21
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Joined: 16th May 2003
Location: Penn State University Park
Posted: 20th Dec 2004 20:22 Edited at: 20th Dec 2004 20:23
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Error: n00b!

Warning: Blood Caffiene Levels Too Low, Grab a Cup of Coffee

Error: Illegal Variable Type at Line...Screw It, I Can't Count

Error: Variable Name" "Yo_Mama" Not Declared at Line -2

Error: Remember that Coffee Error? Grab me a cup too...

Cheers,
Preston

[Edit]Error: I changed my mind about the coffee, grab me some hard liquor and some hookers and lets have some fun! Your code sucks anyway!

Intel Celeron 1.3 Ghrz | 512 MB Ram | NVIDIA GeForce FX 5200 128MB
MSVC++ .Net | MSVC# 2005 | Wings3D | CharacterFX | Gimp v2.0
Prayne de crabug ahm rinedere be-yogt iglo kes gron
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Van B
Moderator
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Joined: 8th Oct 2002
Location: Sunnyvale
Posted: 20th Dec 2004 20:23
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Error compiling project MMORPG.exe, please start a GTA clone to continue.


Van-B


It's c**p being the only coder in the village.
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Hamish McHaggis
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Location: Modgnik Detinu
Posted: 20th Dec 2004 20:48 Edited at: 20th Dec 2004 20:49
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I am extremely disappointed with the MAKE GAME command in DBPro , I bought DBPro after hearing about this excellent feature, only to find that it's not even in 3D. I think the make game command is very misleading, as the only type of game it can make is a Sci-Fi game. I wanted to make an MMORPG, and guess what? The make game command doesn't even support simple LAN connections!

I hope that Mr Mike and Mr Lee will be quickly and effectively responding to this complaint, it is utterly appalling that such shoddy, and un-finished features should be included in what is otherwise a fantastic product (I particularly like the make matrix command, although if you could make it so that you can also have bullet time it would be good). I hope you learn your lesson that deceiving customers is not the way to go about business.

Hamish McHaggis

Isn't it? Wasn't it? Marvellous!
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Dave J
Retired Moderator
21
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Location: Secret Military Pub, Down Under
Posted: 20th Dec 2004 21:12
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Likewise, I was expecting much more from the 'Play Game' and 'End Game' commands, I was very disappointed to find that both commands lacked customisability and depth. This is one unhappy customer that will not step down!


"Computers are useless - They can only give you answers."
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Avan Madisen
22
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Location: The Castle Anthrax
Posted: 21st Dec 2004 01:21
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Error: Just kidding!

Error: command 'Print fake money' not recognised.

Error: command 'fix all the bugs in this program' not recognised.

Error: 'politically correct' is not a valid term for computer games.

Error: cannot code an MMORPG for you, do it yourself you lazy gitt.

Error: compiler has had enough of telling you to correct your code, going on extended holiday to Malibu.

The following errors are not made up, they are genuine!

Unholy Error (error from Java)

Error: There was no error (windows error)

Stupid user error (don't remember what program this came from)

I don't suffer from insanity:

I enjoy every minute of it!
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Rob K
Retired Moderator
22
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Location: Surrey, United Kingdom
Posted: 21st Dec 2004 01:42 Edited at: 21st Dec 2004 01:42
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Error: Insufficient Coffee. Milk and two sugars please.


BlueGUI:Windows UI Plugin - All the power of the windows interface in your DBPro games.
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MiR
21
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Location: Spain
Posted: 21st Dec 2004 02:03
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Error: Run out of milk, develoment on FPSC has to be stopped.


A bargain at 640000€
Libera tu mente y te liberaras.
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OSX Using Happy Dude
21
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Location: At home
Posted: 21st Dec 2004 02:48
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Error:There is a problem with your logic - To solve this call Sherlock Holmes...

Beware the cat... The alien... The heretic...
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Jeku
Moderator
21
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Location: Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada
Posted: 21st Dec 2004 03:12
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Illegal Operation on Line 17. The authorities have been contacted.

Error on Line 18 near: 'MAKE GUN.SHOOT_BULLET->HELL DEMON();'


--[GameBasic - Coming Soon]-- ^^^ banner generously designed by TheBigBabou
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Ilya
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Posted: 21st Dec 2004 06:00
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Error: You somehow managed to cause no errors. Wouldn't want that to happen... *BSOD*

Quote: "I've seen the word programming and I'm not sure what it means. Anybody please explain?"


Quote: "We shouldn't sacrifice the truth to preserve "balance"."
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Jeku
Moderator
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Location: Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada
Posted: 21st Dec 2004 06:09
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Warning: Your computer has been running error-free for 2 days. Your system will now restart to prevent a future memory error.


--[GameBasic - Coming Soon]-- ^^^ banner generously designed by TheBigBabou
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Neofish
20
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Joined: 7th Apr 2004
Location: A swimming pool of coke
Posted: 21st Dec 2004 06:17
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Error 1224131239213.6: Please write a error-ridden program to find out what this error is meant to say, while I will randomly switch windows and visit porn sites when most inconvient...

:: Current Project - FLevels ::

:: WinXP Pro SP 1 : 2.8 GHz Celeron : 512 MB DIMM RAM : 64 MB Radeon IGP 345M : 40 GB HDD ::
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Final Epsilon
20
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Location: CA, USA
Posted: 21st Dec 2004 06:21
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Error: Pwn3d n00b!!!! BWAHAHAHAHAHHA!!#$@1111!~~!@shift~!!one.
Error: Out of Font Resources.
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Neofish
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Location: A swimming pool of coke
Posted: 21st Dec 2004 06:28
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Error: Your hard-drive is 90% filled with illegal music. 9.999% is the windows folder. You have 0.001% left yet you are trying to fit another 6 gigabytes of music into it...

(My sisters should get that)

:: Current Project - FLevels ::

:: WinXP Pro SP 1 : 2.8 GHz Celeron : 512 MB DIMM RAM : 64 MB Radeon IGP 345M : 40 GB HDD ::
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DrakeX
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Posted: 21st Dec 2004 07:12
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Error: Something error happens!

(i think that one's real..)

**winXP BSOD:

STOP

error code was: 0xF00D: USER_TOO_STUPID

"when it's done" means "we have no idea, we forgot to do that; we were hoping you would all forget we promised <insert exotic promise here>"
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Osiris
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Location: Robbinsdale, MN
Posted: 21st Dec 2004 07:53
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here is a real one i got on my friensd computer when i was just moving the mouse around

Error: Planned_error_routine.exe could not be found

then the computer wouldant shutdown after that

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Dave J
Retired Moderator
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Location: Secret Military Pub, Down Under
Posted: 21st Dec 2004 08:16 Edited at: 21st Dec 2004 08:16
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Quote: "Stupid user error (don't remember what program this came from)"


I believe that one was from a multi-desktop program when the user set the number of desktops to just one.


"Computers are useless - They can only give you answers."
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