My clipboard:
Taoism: If you understand sh*t, it isn\'t sh*t.
Hinduism: This sh*t happened before.
Confucianism: Confucious say \'sh*t happens\'.
Buddism: sh*t will happen to you again.
Zen: What is the sound of sh*t happening?
Islam: If sh*t happens it is the will of Allah.
Sikhism: Leave our sh*t alone.
Jehovah\'s Witness: Knock knock, sh*t happens.
Atheism: I don\'t believe this sh*t.
Agnosticism: Can you prove that sh*t happens?
Catholicism: If sh*t happens, you deserve it.
Protestantism: sh*t happens, Amen to that!
Judaism: Why does sh*t always happen to us?
Orthodox Judaism: So sh*t happens, already.
Televangelism: Send money or sh*t will happen to you.
Rastafarianism: Let\'s smoke this sh*t.
Hare Krisha: sh*t happens, rama rama.
Nation of Islam: Don\'t take no sh*t.
New Age: Visualise sh*t happening.
Shintoism: You inherit the sh*t of your ancestors.
Hedonism: I love it when sh*t happens.
Satanism: sneppah tihs.
Capitalism: This is MY sh*t.
Feminism: Men are sh*t.
Existentalism: What is sh*t, anyway?
Scientology: If sh*t happens, see Dianetics p.137.
Mormonism: Excrement happens (don\'t say sh*t!)
Baptism: We\'ll wash the sh*t right off you
Mysticism: Thjis is really weird sh*t
Disneyism: Bad sh*t doesn\'t happen here
Communism: Let\'s share this sh*t
Marxism: You have nothing to lose but your sh*t
Conspiracy Theorism: THEY sh*t on us!
Psycho-Analysis: Tell me about your sh*t
Darwinism: Survival of the Shi*test
Amish: Modern sh*t is useless
Suicidal: I\'ve had enough of this sh*t
Optimism: sh*t won\'t happen to me
Trekism: To boldly sh*t where no-one has sh*t before
Shakespearean: To sh*t or not to sh*t, that is the question
Descartes: I sh*t, therefore I am
Freud: sh*t is a phallic symbol
Lawyers: For enough money, I can get you out of sh*t
Acupuncturist: Hold still or this will hurt like sh*t
Dog: I just sh*t on your shoe
Cat: Dogs are sh*t
Mouse: Oh sh*t! A cat!
Politcally Correct: internally processed, nutritionally-drained biologically output happens
Einstein: sh*t is relative
Family Gathering: Relatives are sh*t
Materialism: Whoever dies with the most sh*t wins
Vegetarianism: If it happens to sh*t, don\'t eat it
Fatalism: Oh sh*t, it\'s going to happen
Environmentalism: sh*t is biodegradeable
Americanism: Who gives a sh*t?
Statistician: sh*t is 84.7% likely to happen
Hip-Hop: m/f this shiznit, beeatch!
Tantrism: f**k this sh*t
Cynicism: We are all full of sh*t
Surrealism: Fish happens
Wicca: You can make sh*t happen, but sh*t will happen to you three times.
I am but mad north north-west; when the wind is southerly I know a hawk from a handsaw - Hamlet, Hamlet