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Geek Culture / I'm bored.....Anyone know any good jokes?

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bitJericho
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Posted: 18th Apr 2003 13:05
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I guy walks into a bar...





































































He said "ouch"..

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Blazer
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Posted: 19th Apr 2003 03:26 Edited at: 19th Apr 2003 03:26
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blond jokes:

3 blonds and a redhead are hanging on a rope for thir lives. the rope begins to break. the redhead relizes this and says "I guess one of us will have to drop, I'll do it" and all the blonds start clapping.

how to kill a blond: put a scrach and sniff at the bottom of the pool

how to occupy a blond: put in a round room and tell them to "sit in the corner"

a blond, redhead, and burnett are stranded in the middle of the desert. They stumble across a magic lamp. The genie pops out and each grants them one wish. The Burnett and redhead wish to go home. The Blond says "I'm lonely I wish they were back here with me."

plese continue...

As I walk through the vally of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil.
- Psalms 23:4
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Arrow
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Posted: 19th Apr 2003 21:42
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What do you call an up-side-down blond?
A burnett with bad breath.

The Legend of Zelda IS NOT an RPG! It's an Adventure, just like Ico or Dark Cloud.
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Chaos
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Posted: 19th Apr 2003 23:58
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Why do blondes crawl on the streets of new york?

The signs say dont walk.

Darkworlds are all around us
most of us are still half asleep
Current project : Creature tournament
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xtom
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Posted: 20th Apr 2003 04:16
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I think the the sad smilies look cool
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xtom
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Posted: 20th Apr 2003 04:21
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What has a tortise and a blonde got in common?

Once on there back there both f***ed!
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xtom
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Posted: 20th Apr 2003 04:24
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What has margarine and a blonde got in common?

They both spread very easily
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Arrow
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Posted: 20th Apr 2003 08:27
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Why are blond's coffens shaped like a 'Y'?
Because the the second they lie down, their legs spread.

The Legend of Zelda IS NOT an RPG! It's an Adventure, just like Ico or Dark Cloud.
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Shadow Robert
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Posted: 20th Apr 2003 10:03
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How many blondes does it take to change a lightbulb?

... whats a lightbulb?

Tsu'va Oni Ni Jyuuko Fiori Sei Tau!
One block follows the suit ... the whole suit of blocks is the path ... what have you found?
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Flashing Blade
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Posted: 20th Apr 2003 21:44
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Words that women use & what they realy mean:


FINE

This is the word women use to end an argument when they feel they are right and you need to shut up. Never use "fine" to describe how a woman looks this will cause you to have one of those arguments.

FIVE MINUTES

This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so it's an even trade.

NOTHING

This means "something", and you should be on your toes. "Nothing" is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards. 'Nothing" usually signifies an
argument that will last "Five Minutes" and end with 'Fine'.

GO AHEAD (With Raised Eyebrows)

This is a dare. One that will result in a woman getting upset over "Nothing" and will end with the word "Fine".

GO AHEAD (Normal Eyebrows)

This means "I give up" or "do what you want because I don't care" You will get a "Raised Eyebrow Go Ahead" in just a few minutes, followed by Nothing" and "Fine" and she will talk to you in about "Five Minutes" when she cools off.

LOUD SIGH

This is not actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot at that moment, and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing".

SOFT SIGH

Again, not a word, but a non-verbal statement. "Soft Sighs" mean that she is content. Your best bet is to not move or breathe, and she will stay content.

THAT'S OKAY

This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can make to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before paying you back for whatever it is that you have done. "That's Okay" is often used with the word "Fine" and in conjunction with a "Raised Eyebrow.

GO AHEAD.

At some point in the near future, you are going to be in some mighty big trouble.

PLEASE DO

This is not a statement, it is an offer. A woman is giving you the chance to come up with whatever excuse or reason you have for doing whatever it is that you have done. You have a fair chance with the truth, so be careful
and you shouldn't get a "That's Okay."

THANKS

A woman is thanking you. Do not faint. Just say you're welcome.

THANKS A LOT

This is much different from "Thanks." A woman will say, "Thanks A Lot" when she is really ticked off at you. It signifies that you have offended her in some callous way, and will be followed by the "Loud Sigh." Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the "Loud Sigh," as she will only tell you "Nothing."
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Shadow Robert
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Posted: 21st Apr 2003 03:02
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Woman Sayings Designed to Start Arugments (^_^)

DOES THIS MAKE ME LOOK FAT?

although no sure fire response my tried and tested method is to pretend my cell phone is on vibrate and its some mate on the other end or even better work

DO YOU THINK SHE IS PRETTY?

there is no right answer to this one, you're only hope is to keep swapping the subject because if you say "Sure, she's cute" you'll be on the couch the rest of the nite ... if you say "Bleck! That dog?" she'll not believe you and you'll be in for hell that nite. Whatever you answer it takes a master to avoid an argument.

WHATS YOUR DEEPEST FANTASY?

normally you'd think, wow this isn't so bad ... but really you're on trial with this comment - you pick the wrong fantasy and you can be assured that although she'll say she's oki with it, years down the line when she is loosing an argument she'll use it as her trump card.

WHAT YA THINKING?

whatever you say she won't believe, if she does believe it i'd see the list above as you will get one of those responses.

DO YOU LIKE MY NEW HAIR COLOUR AND/OR CUT?

... assuming they're asking your opinion and not actually blaming your for something that you couldn't tell the difference from how it was before, then this is one of the best times to remind her that you need to do some work on the car or making her a coffee/tea generally seems to distract her long enough.

Tsu'va Oni Ni Jyuuko Fiori Sei Tau!
One block follows the suit ... the whole suit of blocks is the path ... what have you found?
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xtom
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Posted: 21st Apr 2003 04:53
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hehe all very good wiil have to rememember those tips
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Andy Igoe
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Posted: 21st Apr 2003 12:28
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A woman walks into a bar, and blames it on the bar.

Pneumatic Dryll, Outrageous epic cleric of EQ/Xev
God made the world in 7 days, but we're still waiting for the patch.
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indi
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Posted: 21st Apr 2003 20:06
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hehe very good my gf sighs sometimes now i can validate its when im being an idiot

anyway pierre the french fighter pilot.. nah i cant

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Danmatsuma
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Posted: 21st Apr 2003 20:42
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Hehe, here's the solutions to the above problems:

DOES THIS MAKE ME LOOK FAT?

For this one to work you need to get the timing right:
(slowly and with incredulous wonder)"Oh.. my.. GOD!" *grab her and kiss her, like when you first met*, this can induce a dinner

DO YOU THINK SHE IS PRETTY?

*snicker* "I know [insert name of rival] goes for that type" *VERY convincing laugh*, that dress makes her look fat...

WHATS YOUR DEEPEST FANTASY?

Well sometimes I wish I could be you and you could be me, just for a couple' of hours...

WHAT YA THINKING?

I'm thinkin' that it'd be interesting if we could swap bodies, just for a couple'of hours...

DO YOU LIKE MY NEW HAIR COLOUR AND/OR CUT?

This one's too hard, I'm stumped, have to agree with the quick escape, actually, I'm shaking at the thought of this as I know my
gf's got a salon appointment tomorrow... Someone work it out, QUICK!

ZX Spectrum 48k Issue 3, Radio shack Tape drive, Rank arena 12" T.V. set.
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Shadow Robert
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Posted: 21st Apr 2003 21:01
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lmao Dan you have some issues mate you know that right?
my suggestion to buy some baileys or tia maria, now when she comes in like "OMG LOOK WHAT THE HELL SHE DID TO MY HAIR!!" kinda think, you can sound all apathetic by saying "Aww, honei... i think it looks cute." you'll get some abuse back and forth, but you keep the compliments up - eventually you can persuade her to a quiet evening in, and if you use that Bottle you got earlier (^_^)
someone's having a very nice dinner that nite

Tsu'va Oni Ni Jyuuko Fiori Sei Tau!
One block follows the suit ... the whole suit of blocks is the path ... what have you found?
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Danmatsuma
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Posted: 21st Apr 2003 21:21
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Hehehe, issues, yes,issues hehehe
You don't know my gf, she's like only 5"2 and gorgeous as hell but she has the worst mean streak and her vanity borders on body morphic disorder... I'm 6"1 and I quake at the thought of answering that one unanswerable question... "OMG look what tf she did to my hair" would be soooo close to what she'd say, but I know it's for my benefit only 'cos I know she saw it at the salon, those places are made of mirrors... It's not like she couldn't've taken it out on that simpering "hair sculptor"...
Nope, It's a foregone conclusion - nothing works, but maybe If I get drunk it'll take the focus off my brutal honesty, perhaps I'll get soooo sloshed that she'll blame whatever I say on the booze and have to focus on dragging my sorry ass into bed... But no dinner, no breakfast, and no lunch is my guess, at the very least...

ZX Spectrum 48k Issue 3, Radio shack Tape drive, Rank arena 12" T.V. set.
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Shadow Robert
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Posted: 21st Apr 2003 21:38
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lol.. (^_^) god knows what it is about tiny women but they dont' half have tempers eh? lol
trust me been there done that, no correct answers apart from calming her down ... some expensive ice cream helps to, make sure you keep some close so when you see he car pull up you can sit there eating some - they always take over the bowl but atleast they forget what they were pissed about

Tsu'va Oni Ni Jyuuko Fiori Sei Tau!
One block follows the suit ... the whole suit of blocks is the path ... what have you found?
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cawdarwin
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Posted: 21st Apr 2003 21:43
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haha

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cawdarwin
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Posted: 21st Apr 2003 21:45
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hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

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Danmatsuma
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Posted: 21st Apr 2003 21:47
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She's welcome to the bowl if I can keep my balls

ZX Spectrum 48k Issue 3, Radio shack Tape drive, Rank arena 12" T.V. set.
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Teh Missingz0rs
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Posted: 22nd Apr 2003 13:43
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One gopher says to another "I don't think I get enough excercise", so the other one says: "Then why don't you GOPHER A WALK!"

(Please don't kill me.)

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Teh Missingz0rs
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Posted: 22nd Apr 2003 13:52
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...and what do frogs drink..?

..Croak-a cola!

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Teh Missingz0rs
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Posted: 22nd Apr 2003 13:53
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What do you call a gun with three barrels?

A trifle!

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Terabyte
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Posted: 24th Apr 2003 01:21
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What is the mark of a programmer? the word Qwerty on his forhead

I have a word of advice...
..don't piss on an electric fence!
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Solidz Snake
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Posted: 24th Apr 2003 01:49
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What did Jesse says to Chester when they come out from their house?

Dude, Where's My Car?

Snake? What happened? Snake? Snaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaake!!! - Colonel Roy Campbell

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NickIgoe
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Posted: 25th Apr 2003 02:59
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What is the diference between a blonde and a computer?

On a computer you only have to punch the infomation in once !

Nick Igoe
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Danmatsuma
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Posted: 25th Apr 2003 04:20
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*LOL* Aint that the truth

ZX Spectrum 48k Issue 3, Radio shack Tape drive, Rank arena 12" T.V. set.
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Danmatsuma
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Posted: 25th Apr 2003 04:29
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About the man who gallantly rescued the damsel tied to the railway tracks, lifting her into his arms and carrying her back to his house, to make love to her all night long......
The next day his mates asked why he hadn't got a bad back from carrying the rescued girl all that way and he turned to them, smiling like my avatar and said:
'she wasn't as heavy without her head attached'

ZX Spectrum 48k Issue 3, Radio shack Tape drive, Rank arena 12" T.V. set.
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Teh Missingz0rs
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Posted: 25th Apr 2003 23:47
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LOL

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Teh Missingz0rs
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Posted: 25th Apr 2003 23:50
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Did you hear about the agnostic dyslexic insomniac?

He sits up all night wondering if dog exists or not

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Arrow
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Posted: 26th Apr 2003 08:09
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What's the oppsite of being paranoid?

"I think I'm following someone."

The Legend of Zelda IS NOT an RPG! It's an Adventure, just like Ico or Dark Cloud.
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Teh Missingz0rs
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Posted: 26th Apr 2003 22:14
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LOL!

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Teh Missingz0rs
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Posted: 26th Apr 2003 22:15
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When did KIng Arthur attack his enemies...?

At "Knight"

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Teh Missingz0rs
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Posted: 26th Apr 2003 22:21
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There was an Englishman, an Irishman, a welshman, and a scotsman in a blimp.

The Englishman was driving.

After a while, the irishman said to the englishman: "Where are we?"

The englishman put his hand out of the window. When it came back in, his skin was red and hot

"We must be over the Sahara desert!" he said.

After a while, the scotsman said to the englishman: "Where are we?"

The englishman put his hand out of the window. When it came back in, his skin was white and cold

"We must be over the north pole!" he said.

After a while, the welshman said to the englishman: "Where are we?"

The englishman put his hand out of the window. When it came back in, his hand looked the same as before.

The Englishman swore.

"We must be over Liverpool!" he said.

"How can you tell?" The others asked

The englishman replied: "My watch has gone!"

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Shadow Robert
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Posted: 26th Apr 2003 22:53
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hahaa liverpool

Tsu'va Oni Ni Jyuuko Fiori Sei Tau!
One block follows the suit ... the whole suit of blocks is the path ... what have you found?
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