Cheers rami;
Quote: " He took the bottle of vodka and just drank straight from the bottle. "
Sounds like my flatmate...
Swigging Vodka exasperates your problematic emotions, this is something you could put to some useful degree.
One thing I normally pick up when reading people's stories or analysing them is evident in this piece a lot - that you 'tell' rather than 'show'. In written stories you will find to create the image, emotion, atmosphere and reader-character/narrator relationship is through the ability to show. Of course that's not saying you have to show everything or anything, but to use whatever techniques you can to the best degree you can to deliver your plot.
I'll take your opener, because it's the most important line in your story. (the one that determines whether or not people will read on)
And I'll criticise it and any criticisms I give, apply to yours.
This probably won't be my best work, we're kind of doing a 4 player on Wii bowling and I have to keep getting up for my go.
Quote: "It was Christmas eve around town and everyone was busy buying gifts and other crap to give to their loved ones to show them they cared. All through the town, Christmas trees were lit up, snowmen stood out side houses, their rock filled smile warming the hearts of children walking by."
It seems you're trying to create the setting and atmosphere.
First of all, I'll rewrite it as I would rewrite - now I don't suggest you use it, I'll point out what I did afterwards - just use the criticisms to the way you think they'll work.
--
The town was busy with people buying gifts on a Christmas Eve's morning, curses could be heard at any distance as the shops weren't very diverse in their stock. The excitement of Christmas coming could not be found and nor was there the generous spirit that television often preaches with the reruns of Christmas specials - it was quite the opposite, people pushed and shoved each other as they fought for the gift they wanted to give the most.
In the center, away from the chaos of late Christmas shoppers stood a tall pine tree, most of its needles were white with snow and an array of colours lights spiraled up from its base; a bright star illuminated its spire. Snow concealed all things that would normally be found on that ground - it was difficult even to see where the roads ended and where the gardens of homes started. The sound of crunching could be heard, but not just a single sound, but continuous little crunches that follow each other. Children, coated in their warm winter jackets ran after each other throwing snowballs. Some shivered as the snow caught the back of their neck and others wore a cheek grin when they managed to sneak up on their unsuspecting friends. Not all of the Children were so eager to participate in the skirmish, instead they joined each other in building the largest snowman they could, without it falling apart. The largest snowmen received the most glory from their peers.
--
-That's how I'd set the scene personally. I'll be back to offer input on as to why did what I did. If I were writing this for myself, I'd probably go through it a few more times before getting it crticised - no doubt mine at its current state it needs a lot of work as well.
You'd probably notice, it's a hell of a lot longer - because the info you gave me, it probably enough to go off and set the scene of Christmas - by doing so the reader will feel closer to the environment in the story - in my style of writing I tend to use more senses, but in this instance - I'd be over describing it a bit.
mjoðr er lekker
