Hey Mahoney, I've found another internet connection, and I've looked through your piece and made some comments. But to answer your question, your plot, being a regurgitation or some kind of rewrite/fan fiction will have problems with plagiarism if you do want to publish it, to use their ideas, places, people or whatever, you will need permission.
My advice would be, keep what you've got, change it and make it your own - not keep with the final fantasy thing, if you're interested in publication, it would depend entirely if you can get permission.
Anyway...critique. I'll say take comments with a pinch of salt, I realise I've written a lot and it may appear daunting, but I do trail on and I might have said some stuff you already know or understand, but my critique is there for whatever ever need you want to use it for.
Your Story:
Shivering slightly, Edward approached the castle gates. Edward, a middle-aged “peasant” (He thought that term harsh, as he made enough to get by.), was on his way to the banquet being held at Cornelia Castle. He had not been invited, but thought the meal worth the risk. The banquet was to be held in the courtyard of the castle. He hoped that the numerous guests would break the chill, as it was already dark.
The castle gates were open, a large stream of people heading into the courtyard. The sound of their
[them? Instead of ‘their’?] talking slowly filled the night air as he approached the crowd. The plan was to blend in with the others and act as if attending a royal banquet was most natural to him. He had accomplished this same feat
[feat. I’m pretty sure ‘feat’ is an abbreviation of ‘feature’, so a period should come after] two years previously, and was not worried this time around. The worst that could come of it would be walking home without an extraordinary meal. Besides, the guards were generally very peaceable
[Peaceable, I’m not familiar with that word, spell checker doesn’t hate it, so it obviously exists.], and would likely pay little attention to him in the first place.
With the help of a conveniently positioned
[I think ‘placed’ is a better word, ‘positioned’ sounds awkward to me] giant of a woman , he made it into the courtyard without trouble.
[I might arrange this part of the sentence as: A conveniently placed giant [large? or is she actually a giantess? If she’s a giantess, then just put ‘giantess’] woman who helped him make it back to the courtyard without any trouble.] The gates closing behind him, [As the gates closed?] Edward took in his surroundings.
[Took in? A bit awkward I think, but I know what you’re saying, I’ve used ‘took in’ on too many occasions myself. You’re describing the courtyard you’re in and Edward is looking at it - this is probably where I could mention the “Telling vs showing” dilemma, where you may ask: Is it better to show the reader, or to tell them, or combine the two? Now, you have the courtyard surroundings described, ditch the ‘Edward took in’, just introduce Edward into the narrative. Interestingly I have an essay where I talk about ‘showing and telling’ and have a character ‘taking in’ as part of an example, so I’ll replicate it so you got a clearer image of what I’m talking about:
“I walk at a snail’s pace with the wind brushing across my face, cooling it through the pores of my skin - I close my eyes and listen to the sounds of the creatures around; a woodpecker makes her tapping noise as newly hatched chicks sing. My foot snaps a twig, so I reopen my eyes and see swallows swimming in the sky - such moments outdoors can bring one to appreciate nature.”
The situation isn’t completely ‘showing’, nor completely ‘telling’, I go into environmental descriptions, but don’t tell the reader that the character is ‘taking everything in’, rather it’s obvious - “such moments outdoors can bring one to appreciate nature” is just an exclamation, without it I’m sure it’s still obvious that he’s appreciating nature, because he’s stopped to take note of small details that you don’t naturally come to appreciate. I’d post my essay, but probably not a good idea as I’m still studying the course (besides it’s only the last couple of pages that are relevant), it got me a ‘B’ so I’m proud of it. 
On that note I think talking about ‘showing vs telling’ is important - some writers might say “it’s good to show as it’s it can immerse the reader”, but it’s not always good, for example, pace, I’ve got 2 versions of a small bit of writing, one showing, one telling:
Telling:
Rage engulfs me as I yell, “How dare you!”
Showing:
My heart races, bloods surfaces to the epidermis of my skin - it radiates heat, “how dare you!” I yell.
The showing is quite sensual, however, does it work? I don’t think it does - I know it’s how I feel when I’m enraged - hot, red with my heart beating fast, but showing it to the reader slows the pace and draws attention from the rage itself. The exclamatory dialogue and telling the reader that I’m enraged suffices.
Taking in of course is sensual, so a sensual description from the point of view of the character would work.
Anyway, I’ve side-tracked.]
The courtyard was very well lit and, thankfully, decently warmer than outside of the castle.
[Decently warmer? Much warmer? much more warm? I don’t know about anybody else but it sounds odd to me. Adverbs can sometimes be confusing (and a pain when you’re writing), an interesting thing to do is to write a story in 15-20 minutes without using adverbs or adjectives, it’s good practice for avoiding words that don’t flow or fit together or result in irregular constructions. Adverbs can be a pain, I’d say (like with anything) only use them when they’re needed)] Torches lined every wall, and freestanding torches
[repetition of ‘torches’, try not to have some words repeated too close to each other] were spread throughout the area. Numerous tables were neatly aligned in four separate rows. The King was seated with his Queen and their advisers at a table at the far end of the courtyard that was perpendicular to the rows. Each table was decked with an assortment of delectable treats.
[Specify? What sort of treats are they?] Needless to say, Edward found a seat as quickly as possible.
[Edward managed to find a seat quite quickly?]
The night of feasting continued for an hour or more until only a few were still eating; the conversation became lively,
[Examples of the types of conversations. It’s up to you here really, I might have Edward catch a few words - just to add to the image of people in conversation - maybe there’s a rumour going round about one of the nobles or something.] the noise of it all filling the courtyard.
[the noise filled the courtyard? I don’t like ‘the noise of it all’] It was at this climax of chatter that a thunderous sound that seemed to shake the entirety of the castle resounded from the gates. They shook as if an Ogre was knocking for permission to enter.
[Perhaps rewrite these last two sentences. “It was at the climax of the chatter that a thunderous sound shook the castle from the gates (a little metaphor doesn’t hurt instead of ‘seemed to’).” The last sentence is unclear, are they shaking because they’re in fear or is it a continuation of the last statement? Perhaps “It was almost as though an Ogre were knocking.” But I’ll leave it up to you]
The King rose from his seat and cried angrily “Guards! Who is at the gate?” A quick reply came from a soldier atop the turrets. There was a hint of confusion in his voice.
[A hint of confusion in his voice...how does confusion sound? What physical attributes are there to this? I wouldn’t imagine so much of a quick reply, rather the Guard being confused stutters a bit, has a moment to think before announcing who it is. So we may not need to tell the reader that they’re confused, I think something like that might suffice - and the same for the ‘quick’ reply - so “A soldier on top of the turret replied...”]
“Your Majesty, 'tis Lukahn.”
[”’tis Lukahn” doesn’t seem to work for me. I see you’re trying to attempt an accent here, the guards aren’t nobles thus may not speak as clearly. Being Royal Guards I imagine that they would have picked up a more standard way of speaking from surrounding nobles. Saying that, it may not be always be true - though ‘tis still doesn’t sound right, because it doesn’t flow, more regional accents and dialects, though stemming away from standard English do tend to flow as well. “It’s is sufficient - you can develop how the guards speak later.] Two more knocks came in repetition.
[we don’t need ‘came in repetition’, I’m sure the readers will realise that the knocks have been repeated] The King seemed bewildered. Lukahn was at least seventy years of age, and completely incapable of creating such a sound. Almost quavering,
“Open the gates.”
There was a pause, then
[followed by instead of ‘then’?] an uneasy “Yes, Your Majesty.” The gates slowly swung open.
[’slowly’ and ‘swung’ are two words I probably wouldn’t use together, to me ‘swung’ has quite a speedy connotation, <Soon after the knocking stops, the doors swung open as a gust of wind threw Jeremy onto his back. There stood a wolf-man, “Jeremy”, it spoke, “Your time has come to an end.”> That’s the sort of image I get with ‘swung’ in a situation like this]
Standing there was Lukahn.
[I think we know Lukahn is there] He was wearing an almost disheveled blue robe, and had his walking stick. He slowly hobbled forward, putting his weight on the staff. After thirty seconds of complete silence,
[just ‘silence’, I don’t think ‘complete’ is a word that adds enough...as you then say, ‘it’s complete silence, but it isn’t really, there’s still a sound’] save the sound of Lukahn's staff, he stopped and attempting standing straight. He began to speak in a soft, yet ominous voice.
“An evil unbeknownst to our world looms on the horizon. It shall cast a shadow of darkness on our peaceful planet. The human hand of this evil will bring chaos to the very foundation of this world. The winds shall cease, the seas shall be tormented, and the earth shall be barren.
“But hope is not lost. Four men, warriors, will come. They shall permeate the veil of darkness with a ray of hope. They will bring an end to the envoy of our doom, and restore the light of peace for this world.”
Lukahn fell to the ground, unconscious.
[A bit quick on the unconscious thing, you don’t always know if someone is unconscious just like ‘that’, for all the crowd could know he may be dead, perhaps the King could rush to him as he falls the ground and check if he’s okay and then have the guards take him to some resting chambers. Maybe leaving his state implied as well might make people more curious about his condition and the set up might have a better effect.]
Anyway dude, so far so good - I can get the feeling of the classic Final Fantasy games (assuming this is a fan fiction or something like that) Kings, Old men, prophecies, 4 warriors, a veil of darkness, the end of the elements, definitely classic Final Fantasy stuff. With my comments, they’re not necessarily things that are ‘wrong’, I’m suggesting/criticising things from my own point of view and experience/knowledge, what I think works, why it works and what doesn’t work and why. If you disagree with something I’ve said, that’s fine - enquire about it if you want. As it’s advice, you can take it or leave it. I hope to see more from you.
You sir have the moral ambivalence of a mutated shrimp!
