Longhorn looks realy good
, I found this pre-press release on some of the features they will be including as soon as they finish buying the souls of all the staff at the D.O.J
Windows "Longhorn" Basic Home editon : MINIMUM system requirements 8x64bit 4ghz cpu`s, eight monitor display card with realtime raytraceing (1000fps minimum), 1 terrabyte gigadatarate system ram 500thz fsb (3 terrabytes recomended), 1 googolbyte of EEEEEide hard drive (1000,000rpm only), full sensory virtual reality suite, Dilby surround and destroy sound 185.8, 6 Microsoft input devices, gigabyte internet connection for continous monitoring of users actions and automatic upgradeing/downgradeing/charging of users account.
Longhorn basic Home edition has the following new and exciting features.
Microsoft bert: a helpfull cartoon pen that will constantly ask you what you want to do next and select inapropriate programs for you to do it with.
Microsoft pebble: a rock shaped object that will attempt to constantly place icons/menu options/mouse pointers in the optimum position for your workspace
Microsoft Himmler: a very usefull utility that tells you where you want to go today (disobedience results in a painfull 4000volt shock to the genitals)
Microsoft loanshark: an animated fish that will advise you on where to spend your money and automaticaly makes purchases and debits your account according to your surfing habits, if you don`t have the money then loanshark will automaticaly apply for/accept and spend loans from Microsoft personal debt enhancement services, a Microsoft financial debt agency service.
Microsoft security system: constantly monitors your surroundings and possesions within 1 mile, at the first sign of possible bootleg software, worn tyres on your car, non Microsoft logo`d clothes or independent thought you will be immobilised by Microsoft Himmler until Microsoft security can reach your premises and pass you over to the authoritys for processing by Microsoft penal services (your whole property will be forfeit to cover legal expenses incurred through compulsery use of Microsoft legal advice software).
Microsoft scandisk: this new feature will constantly scan for original software, ideas, artwork, music or other valuable media created by the user even when they are not aware that they have had a good idea, scandisk will then attach a full Microsoft EULA that takes possesion of the media, forward a copy to Microsoft original ideas.com dated two weeks previously, and then automaticaly activate the Microsoft security system to prosecute those users that steal ideas only made possible by Microsoft software from Microsoft.
Microsoft update wizard: now you no longer need to constantly check for updates, the update wizard will automaticaly install the latest updates and charge your account, if the account contains insuffiecient money then the Microsoft security system will be activated.
other utilities are available for a small* charge and will be installed automaticaly with no warning whenever you select a usefull looking menu option, please be aware that in order to enhance you user experience non of these options can be disabled without activating the Microsoft security system.
*(small compared to Mr Gates total wealth)
Mentor.
PC1: P4 3ghz, 1gig mem, 2x160gig hd`s, Radeon 9800pro w cooler (3rd gfx card), 6 way speakers.
PC2: AMD 2ghz, 512mb ram, FX5200 ultra, 16 bit SB.
Mini ATX cases suck.
