Izzy,
The chapter's solid and well written. Congrats. You've obviously got a solid grasp of the English language that immediatly puts your novella above 99% of the fiction you can find on the net and good deal you can find in bookstores. There are some flaws, however; sometimes sentances drag on too long with commas where there should be a semicolon or period, and some 'and's are missing here and there. If you want me to point the specific places out I will.
There isn't enough story there to tell much of the plot. You might want to work on your dialogue a bit-- it's hard to see any personality in the dialogue as everyone talks the same, in this small portion at least. This might be because of something I'll go into in the next paragraph. The narration is also rather heavy-handed; sometimes it's best to let the reader discover things for themselves... but if that's the style you're going for in this particular work, there's nothing wrong with it.
The other thing I noticed was that a good deal of modern terminology and jargon is being used. It's important to remember that not only was this not used twenty years ago, but it'll be archaic in twenty years, so if this is indeed science fiction I'd suggest trying to make the speech a bit more 'timeless'.
Despite that, it's readable and the full work would probably be rather enjoyable too. Good job
.
