I like the joke but you still didn't answer another sensible answer.
Text game dude...
¬Your in a dungeon with a doofus called batVink and a newbie called niclaw. All you have at your desposal is two useless MUD actors.
End game now?Y /N
¬Player:Rennit did not leave the dungeon.
¬It is too dark to see. You have a lantern.
Light lantern.
¬With What?
Your hands
¬What do you mean my hands?
My hands
¬You do not have any hands to start the lantern.
batVink light lantern now
¬batVink is too idiotic to start the lantern.
ring for help
¬you do not have any hands.
Yes there will be coding problems.