Hi, welcome to "Taking over the world for dummies".
Here, we will have a look at how the top candidates for world leader are trying to stick their family's flag on this lump of rock we call Earth. Let us have a look at the leading contestants and an explanation as to why they're on the list.
1) Micro$oft
2) PacMan (yes, really!)
3) EA
4) McDonald's
5) Pokemon
Explanation:
1) Micro$oft, for those who don't know, is the company that's closest to reaching its goal. Nevertheless it still has a long way to go. Most people think that it is a new company and that it hasn't actually done any harm to our society, but my research (based on trustworthy sources such as GOOGLE, CNN, and THEONION) proves that this corporation is much, much older than popular belief. It was in fact (no, not really, but for the sake of the article...) founded by Hitler and used tactic #0x0E36 for global domination: Blowing stuff up. After that didn't work, he changed the name to Micro$oft.
The main tactics in use here are #0x0A59 and #0x0021.
#0x0A59 consists of gaining extremly large amounts of money and later on switching to:
Tactic #0x0E36 (Blow Stuff Up)
Tactic #0x0F01 (Buy the whole planet)
#0x0021 consists in creating software that will give humans headaches powerfull enough to blow a fuse, therefore turning its customers into an army of mindless-demented-zombies.
For the incredulous, here's some hard evidence:
2) PacMan
Some of you won't believe this little guy is so nefarious. So wanton. So full of pure, condensed evil. I couldn't believe it myself, but after staring for 8 hours non-stop at a monitor that just wouldn't turn itself on, his dark secret dawned unto me by one of his own products:
PacMan owns LG.
Yes, that's right. LG, that company that makes CD-Burners, Monitors, and other PC parts is owned by PacMan. Our dear child-hood friend is trying to take over the world through tactic #0x0A59, the same as Micro$oft. At first he was trying to take over the world through tactic #0x0022 (more on this later on), but that didn't work. So he followed the path of M$ and founded LG.
Every one knows the LG logo, right?
3)EA. From Jeku's threads you can tell what it's trying to do. Tactic #0x0A59, the most popular of all. But it is also trying a variation of tactic #0x0022, which shall be better explained with:
4)McDonald's. It is pretty obvious that it is using tactic #0x0A59 (get really really rich) because it was the largest fast-food chain on earth. You could be in either China, Brazil, or the US and get the same hi-quality, delicious, nutricious, "McDoorNail" at the speed of a speedy thing that's speeding. What you might not have noticed, is that it is also using the following tactics:
#0x0022: Consists in using Perverse Psycology (TM) to lure the countries' future leaders (read: kids) and destroying them mentally, transforming them into an army of mindless-demented-zombies. This is very similar to #0x0021, but is aimed at human larvae between the ages of 0 to 14 years of age.
#0x0666: Consists of selling a "Food product", (note the "") that is so undigestible so as to raise the percentage of anual deaths. This makes it easier for a smaller army (either the army from tactic #0x0E56 or #0x0022) to take over.
5) Pokemon. Ok, their plan has failed, but they were pretty close a year ago. There was perkymon merchandise everywhere, and human larvae who changed each other's names for that of little cartoon monsters. I do no need to point out tactics #0x0022 (larvae zombies, perverse psycology) and #0x0A59.
If you see anyone else taking a shot at global domination, or if you are trying so yourself, post here!
