Hello Everyone.
For the past few months I have been working on writing a short story titled “Change for a Time” (Name subject to change). As of now I have only written four short chapters. Despite my best efforts it is coming along very slowly and I can find almost no one to give me their opinions. If any of you have time I would greatly appreciate it if you read through and tell me what you think.
For now I will just post the first chapter. This chapter mainly just introduces some of the characters and establishes the setting. It tries to get the reader asking questions about the plot. This is not in any way a final draft, as it seems that every time I sit down to write I change it. Please feel free to post any comments, questions, suggestions, or constructive criticism. Thank you in advance.
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Ch# 1: The Package
It was slightly past dusk when a tall thin boy with untidy black hair emerged from the shadows. Placed under his arm was a small brown paper bag, dampened from the pouring rain. A flash of lightning illuminated the teenager and the dark ally more clearly. The boy’s torn T-shirt and jeans were soaking wet and his cheap tennis shoes falling apart. He was loudly panting for more of the cool clean air his lungs longed for. The boy spotted a ten-foot chain link fence at the end of the trash filled ally.
Voices echoed down the empty street. “Here, over here, he went this way”
The boy suddenly sprinted for the fence, leaped onto it, and climbed clutching the moistened paper bag to his chest. He was almost over when an old man emerged from the shadows of the corner.
“There he is! Catch him!” Cackled the man.
The hunched over storekeeper pointed his cane at the boy. Two other men dressed in soaking wet navy-blue uniforms chased after the boy yelling for him to give up.
The boy ignored the requests and leapt down to the other side of the fence. He landed and grabbed his right ankle as though he had broken it. Yet, despite the sharp pain running throughout his leg, he got to his feet and ran quickly out of the dark ally. He reached a well-paved road illuminated by street lamps and ran quickly along the street clutching the bag tightly to in his hand.
He began to run passed another dark ally when two arms reached out of a doorway and grabbed the boy firmly around the chest. The boy was pulled from the street and forced to the hard tiled floor of a deserted pawnshop. He stayed silent.
Moments later two chubby policemen ran past the large shop windows followed by a limping old bald man. The boy and the dark figure behind him waited until the two men’s footsteps and the click-clack of the cane had drowned away leaving only the sound of rain pounding against the glass.
There was another flash of lightning followed by the earsplitting sound of thunder outside the small pawnshop. The dark figure behind the boy slowly stood up and helped the boy to his feet. He led the boy to a small, yet well lit, bathroom.
The boy, still clutching the paper bag in his hand, stared into the brown eyes of a larger seventeen-year-old boy with a slightly better build than he.
“Isaac!” The older boy exclaimed, “Are you all right?”
“I'm Fine.” Isaac said through gritted teeth. He knew it was a lie. His ankle had been bothering him since the time, five days ago, when he had twisted it running along the railroad tracks.
“Did you get anything?” The older boy asked glancing down at the package Isaac was holding.
“Yeah” said Isaac said still panting for air, “But not much”.
He set the paper bag down and began unrolling it. Inside was a bag of carrots, a few apples, and three cans of soda.
The older boy seemed disappointed. He took out a very small pouch of money and began counting the pennies, nickels, dimes, and quarters.
After about a minute he had counted out nine dollars and seventy-eight cents. Isaac looked as though he had been punched very hard in the stomach.
“How are we going to buy the tickets with that, Tyler?” Isaac said weakly.
“I mowed four lawns and recycled over thirty cans” Tyler remarked. “Isaac, You know I would never pickpocket” He continued.
This didn’t seem to convince Isaac. He didn’t believe he could survive in a town where every cop on the street was searching for him.
He suddenly took his mind off getting a train ticket to Kansas.
“Where’s Kyle?” Isaac remarked.
“He’s… scanning the pawnshop for something useful.” Tyler replied hesitantly.
“Oh.” Isaac remarked flatly. He could never tell what Kyle might be up to. The boy seemed to always have something on his mind and rarely said much. He had always been like that. Kyle seemed to always get good marks, behave well, and never talked unless he had something important to say. Until they ran for it.
It had been nearly six days since Isaac had seen the small wooden orphanage where he, Kyle, and Tyler had grown up miserably together. Where they had eaten canned soup, played in a small sandlot, and slept in a crowded cold room where the roof leaked, most of their entire lives.
Suddenly the bathroom door burst open. A boy of about sixteen with blonde hair and glistening glasses stood at the doorway, a look of deep concern on his face.
“Kyle?” Isaac asked, “What is it?”
“We’ve been spotted.” Kyle said flatly. He took a seat next to Tyler, tracking mud in with him. “They were staring through the air vent at you two. I caught a glimpse of one.”
“Why didn’t you chase them down? ”, Tyler questioned.
“They must have been riding bikes. Besides, what was I going to do, beat them with a stick?” Kyle Remarked.
Tyler rolled his eyes.
“Well, what should we do now?” Isaac said flatly.
There was another flash of lightning.
“Wait,” Kyle exclaimed, “It’s muddy outside, they must of left tracks.”
“Thank you for pointing out the obvious.” Tyler remarked. He stood up and walked out the door. Thunder shook the pawnshop as Kyle and Isaac got to their feet and followed.
They walked out the pawnshop’s back door and into the junk-filled storage lot. The rain continued poring down unmercifully. Isaac looked around the lot for a few moments before Kyle indicated the low sitting air vent where lay two sets of tire tracks that ran alongside each other.
Isaac ran his fingers through his matted hair. “Let’s hope they don’t inform the police.”
“We could relocate, just incase.” Kyle suggested.
Tyler scoffed at Kyle, “No, we need to follow them.”
Kyle removed his glasses and began cleaning them on his damp shirt. “The tracks will be washed away in the morning.”
“Then we go now.” Tyler insisted.
“The police are still combing the streets for the shoplifter.” Isaac pointed out.
Tyler opened his mouth in objection, hesitated, then asked rhetorically, “Don’t they have anything better to do?”
“This town is too small. ”, Kyle replied with what seemed like a small chuckle. He placed his glasses back onto the bridge of his nose.
Somewhere down the street a loud car engine could be heard starting.
Isaac began walking along the tracks until they reached fence at the edge of the lot. He scanned the empty sidewalk for any movement then shaded his eyes peering down the street. Isaac motioned and the other two boys jogged to his side, staring where he was pointing. The two sets of muddy tracks continued down the sidewalk about sixty feet, turned sharply, ran along a small pathway, and entered the wide doorway of a two-story house. Tyler turned towards Kyle and raised an eyebrow. Kyle stared back in the same annoyed expression.
The road was suddenly illuminated by a set of car lights. The three boys stepped back behind the wooden fence as the vehicle slowly passed. Isaac waited until the car turned at an intersection before stepping back onto the sidewalk. He resumed his examination of the muddy tracks, “At least we know where they went.” Isaac paused for a moment. “I vote we wait until morning before trying anything. Perhaps think of a plan.”
“I second that notion.”, Kyle added.
Tyler starred intently at the two of them. After a long pause he gave in. “Let’s go inside.”, Tyler jerked his head in the direction of the pawn shop.
The three boys walked back towards the open doorway. Tyler placed his hands in his pockets and turned his head towards the other two. “Now we’re a democracy?”
Isaac nodded his head.
Kyle replied simply, “Two-thirds majority.”
A tall man watched as the three boys re-entered the pawn shop, closing the door behind themselves. He smiled slightly and casually looked at his wristwatch. His footsteps echoed down the empty street as he began to walk back down the sidewalk. When he reached the corner the young man looked back towards the pawn shop. He ran his fingers through his black hair and looked at his watch again. There was another flash of lightning and the man was gone.
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I decided to post this here because you guys/gals are the best critics I know. And I'm sure to get at least some feedback.
