1) Start with a 2 to 5
word summary, followed by: "Join Now" with a link (or directions, but a link would be best), followed by "for your free trial!"
2) Improve the discription text. Put spaces in after the periods. Also, reduce the intial description to about 2 sentences that really "hook" your reader. You can put in more text later once you have the reader hooked.
3) I'm aweful at spelling and grammer, so I didn't check yours. But you might want to spell check your description. Spelling errors quickly make anything look unprofessional - and not worth my time.
4) Consider extending the free trial period; unless a leader can really start to make headway in your game in 1 to 2 weeks, it's won't be enough to get player's hooked. Make the free trial sound exciting; like it's costing you money to give away something for free.
5) Repeat the "Join Now" part (item 1).
6) Add in a link that includes details about what benefits one gets from just signing up. Maybe indicate that people can join your group for free and get the free trial just for signing up. Also mention that there is no obligation.
7) Include comments from your play testers and/or participants.
8) Repeat the "Join Now" part (item 1).
That's my 2 cents.
"Droids don't rip your arms off when they lose." -H. Solo
REALITY II
