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Geek Culture / First ever community multi-author novella

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Philip
21
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Joined: 15th Jun 2003
Location: United Kingdom
Posted: 21st Dec 2005 00:27
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As many have guessed, my brain is always fizzling with ideas. Heres one that I've been thinking about now for 30 minutes.

Lets see if we can together create a humourous, self-contained and reasonably sensible novella. The idea is as follows: I'll begin a story below. Anyone who is passing and wants to add to the story can post up to three paragraphs (each of no more than 10 lines each).

The posts need to comply with Rich Davey's forum rules (i.e. no swearing, etc.) and need to be at least reasonably funny. Also, they need to fit reasonably well within the arc of the story as defined by preceding posts. Finally, each story needs to end with a "hook" which the next poster has to incorporate somehow into his post.

The first 10 contributors can create at least one major character. After that no further major characters can be created.

If done right, this should be pretty damn funny.


---------------------------------------------------------



It was a cold, wet and miserable day. Rain sleeted down from the heavens in unending shards of grey. Colonel Arthur "Walrus" Winkins sighed loudly, turned up his collar, adjusted his multi-purpose wig and trudged back to the comforting warmth of the Incident Room. He was looking forward to his steaming cup of cocoa, his half-read Daily Telegraph crossword and to planning how to integrate the LUA plugin into his new game "Giant Hedgehogs Mercilessly Attack St. Albans".

Unknown to the Colonel, lurking in the shadows, just behind the barracks, was Piddle McNarf, the local handbag snatcher and occasional mime artist. He'd spotted the Colonel and was eagerly waiting his chance to leap out and surprise the base's most eligible bachelor. Piddle was down on his luck recently, given the recent decline in the mime artistry industry. Still, he'd recently been approached to star in the BBC's latest hit series: "Monkfish - the Series" and a psychic had told him things were looking up.

Meanwhile, in the farm across the street, something very surprising and quite unexpected occurred to Barry the prize chicken.

Cheer if you like bears! Cheer if you like jam sandwiches!
RiiDii: "I highly recommend Philip's vector tutorials"
P3.2ghz / 1 gig / GeForce FX 5900 128meg / WinXP home
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Mnemonix
21
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Joined: 2nd Dec 2002
Location: Skaro
Posted: 21st Dec 2005 00:45
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The chicken was struck at that moment by an invisible arrow fired from an (equally invisible) bow held by Piddle across the street. The chicken however did not notice it since most mime objects are generally non-existant and therefore undamaging to the chicken. At the same time as this however, the chicken did lay an egg. "unusual..." thought the chicken. "I thought that chickens could not think" it thunk to itself.
Piddle was trying to walk across a cunningly non existant rope bridge and tripped over and his handbag loot came crashing to the ground along with him. He often wandered why he stole handbags. He sometimes thought it may be more profitable to steal things such as gold from the local refinery, or diamonds from the local mines. He never came up with answers for these thoughts.
"Oi!" shouted the Colonel from inside the barracks "Can you please not mime whilst im trying to be clever and make a game please?".
The colonel was obviously angry. The DarkBASIC Professional compiler had suddenly become self aware and had started arguing with him.

Meanwhile, the mime artist saw the egg and wanted to steal it...

WE SHALL BECOME ALL POWERFUL! CRUSH THE LESSER RACES! CONQUER THE GALAXY! UNIMAGINABLE POWER! UNLIMITED RICE PUDDING ! ! ! ETC. ! ! ! ETC.! ! !
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TravisP
20
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Joined: 30th Jun 2004
Location: Behind you, with a knife!
Posted: 21st Dec 2005 00:46 Edited at: 21st Dec 2005 00:48
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*edit* Hey you beat me by one minute, mine is better so yours will havge to go.
------
Barry ran and ran, but the man with two arms kept chasing him. "You can't escape!" yelled the two armed man. All of the sudden a giant anvil fell from the sky and hit the chicken on the head. On normal circumstances the chicken would think "The sky is falling!", but the chicken was a bloody pulp that was soon made into chicken nuggets.

Piddle could not enjoy his chicken nuggets over Arthur's infernal game, so he set out to destroy all human life. On his way out of the "Mac'o'Donalds" he met a three legged cat that had a taste for human flesh. They were friends until the cat had gotten hungry.

Later that night, a plague spread through the town that made all girls have big hooters. Days later all men became broke spending money on them just for a chance to get in bed with them, women took over. Arthur started the rebel group known as "M.E.N.", or Money Emergency Nominal.

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Undercover Steve
19
Years of Service
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Joined: 6th Jun 2005
Location: Vancouver, Little Canada(Washington)
Posted: 21st Dec 2005 05:29
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Soon a giant toy truck called bob came into town, with pirates. Bob was made at steve, the meanest, strongest pirate, so he eat him. The men were sad, but they soon realised womens weakness: caring men. They acted caring, and got in bed with them for free! Then the population grew to much and all of them died from lazerz. Then a giant tadpole came and spat out steve, and steve lived happily ever after, known as steve wright. The end. But then suddenly a giant corporate sponser killed steve, when he wouldnt make a joke about them. Then steve got mad, and shot lightning out of his fingures, remembering he was mace windu off of starwars. Then he left at the sound of a bell chiming half past eggnog, and became feveriously drunk at a local tavern...of DOOM. The doom then at me, and we all acted like the lead singer of nirvana, and killed ourselves with a shotgun, leaving our daughters to rot with our druggie wife. Then steve said bye, and ate toilet paper. Bob was pissed, and crapped a lot, making steve mad, because he wanted the toilet paper. Then world war 3 started, and the world ended. meanwhile Arthur died a horrible death when he exploded from a cheesecake in a motorcycle. Then I came in a nuclear powered tomato, and ate the souls of everyone, then decided to be nice, and give them back. Then I died, and we all lived happily ever after.

We have fallen Into an abyss! Dear God captian! There all Bars.
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Dave J
Retired Moderator
21
Years of Service
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Joined: 11th Feb 2003
Location: Secret Military Pub, Down Under
Posted: 21st Dec 2005 05:48
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Ok, well that didn't quite work. So... what's your next idea, Phil?


"Computers are useless, they can only give you answers."
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Undercover Steve
19
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Joined: 6th Jun 2005
Location: Vancouver, Little Canada(Washington)
Posted: 21st Dec 2005 06:05
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So phil thought, and in a fit of rage, killed a person. This started WW4, and pissed america off. Then we nuked Australia, for some random,mis-speled reason, and then we were all happy, and bombing europe and africa and asia, and north america, when a loft! We hit ourselves with a nuke, imploding the US. Then we all moved to russia, and lived happily ever after. Again. Then some guy shot philip, because he remembered he started the whole thing. Then philip whacked mutated Exeat with a peanut. That pissed Mutant Australia off.

We have fallen Into an abyss! Dear God captian! There all Bars.
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Dazzag
22
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Joined: 26th Aug 2002
Location: Cyprus
Posted: 21st Dec 2005 08:13
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Er this always happens with these things. Dunno about "first ever", as I can remember at least one here before with similar results.

Cheers

I am 99% probably lying in bed right now... so don't blame me for crappy typing
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David T
Retired Moderator
22
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Joined: 27th Aug 2002
Location: England
Posted: 21st Dec 2005 10:38 Edited at: 21st Dec 2005 10:38
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Quote: "He was looking forward to his steaming cup of cocoa, his half-read Daily Telegraph crossword and to planning how to integrate the LUA plugin into his new game "Giant Hedgehogs Mercilessly Attack St. Albans"."



It's not LUA! It's Lua!

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Megaton Cat
21
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Joined: 24th Aug 2003
Location: Toronto, Canada
Posted: 21st Dec 2005 15:50
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Yeah...this isn't gonna work out. People just can't keep their crap to themselves.


The cat era has begun.
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Tinkergirl
21
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Joined: 1st Jul 2003
Location: United Kingdom
Posted: 21st Dec 2005 17:02 Edited at: 21st Dec 2005 17:02
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Colonel Arthur "Walrus" Winkins suddenly awoke from the horrible nightmare, beads of cold sweat giving him a look that only Pixel Shader 2.0 or greater could handle. Peeling his face off his keyboard he blinked his bloodshot eyes and looked at the monitor:

"FGTEVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV"

It continued for several pages, and doing some quick maths in his head based on key repeat rates, he guessed he'd been out for just under an hour. He shook his head and promised himself he'd stay off the Lua-strength beverages from now on. Suddenly, a flash of black and white from the corner of his gloomy programming den caught his eye...
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Benjamin
21
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Joined: 24th Nov 2002
Location: France
Posted: 21st Dec 2005 21:20
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It was a flying letter. That flew. It read:

"This is a 3 yr old note. U dont have it. When I saw it I was shocked that you are murder"

Tempest - P2P UDP Multiplayer Plugin - 70%
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CPU
21
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Joined: 4th Jul 2003
Location: Carlsbad, CA
Posted: 23rd Dec 2005 18:40
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Realizing then the reality of tron had come true and that he had now been sucked in everlasting realms of the world wide web while he was sleeping and that his terminal was now a virtual terminal inside his computer. He let out scream that came out without audio and instead as a stream of ones and zeros that trailed off into space. Racing back to his terminal the colonel began banging his head upon the escapekey, which unfortunatly only caused him a headache and succeded only in disolving his terminal into a pile of numbers. Looking around he decided his best bet was to find a website to rewrite and somehow remateralize himself with the help of his ever trusty unity plugin that he carried around in his pocket.

He set off in the most likely direction, wondering if there were spiders about...

[center]K-OS Battlefields
IS
///---///---///---UNDER CONSTRUCTION---\\\---\\\---\\\[center]
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Flindiana Jones
20
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Joined: 3rd Nov 2004
Location: Bosnian Power
Posted: 23rd Dec 2005 20:07
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there were, and several of them leaped at his head. Colonel Arthur whipped out his sabre to slice them, and was doing quite well untill one of them suddenly started growing enormous! "What in the cyber world is your problem?" Arthur tried to ask, but of course only 0s and 1s came out. The 0s and 1s hit the spider that was expanding, and caused to to spit out it's own stream of 0s and 1s that looked vaguely like obscenities. the giant spider ran off and started a used ballpoint pen store, while Colonel Arthur continued on his way towards the IO tower.

He forgot to take his sabre along with him though, a choice he would come to regret...

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