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Geek Culture / Chuck Norris > You

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Oddmind
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Posted: 11th Jan 2006 00:57
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Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.

Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.

Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris once challenged Lance Armstrong in a \"Who has more test!cles?\" contest. Chuck Norris won by 5.

A blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris\' shoe. Chuck replied, \"Don\'t you know who I am? I\'m Chuck Norris!\" The mere mention of his name cured this man blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this man ever saw, was a fatal roundhouse delivered by Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.

Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris

As a teen Chuck Norris impregnated every nun in a convent tucked away in the hills of Tuscany. Nine months later the nuns gave birth to the 1972 Miami Dolphins, the only undefeated and untied team in professional football history.

A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.

Chuck Norris likes to knit sweaters in his free time. And by \"knit\", I mean \"kick\", and by \"sweaters\", I mean \"babies\".

Chuck Norris always has sex on the first date. Always.

If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow the f*ck down.

Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man ate a f*cking Indian.

Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren\'t the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made.

Chuck Norris once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell them there was a stripper in it.

Chuck Norris died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can\'t get up the courage to tell him.

formerly KrazyJimmy
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Wiggett
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Posted: 11th Jan 2006 01:11
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i can see where you are coming from, but texas ranger is a pussy, i remember when bruce lee broke his arm.

http://www.angelfire.com/wizard2/spacerecon/index.html
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Oddmind
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Posted: 11th Jan 2006 01:13
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then solid snake came in and pwn3d them both

formerly KrazyJimmy
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Pincho Paxton
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Posted: 11th Jan 2006 01:16
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Before Jackie Chan all movies looked like they were made in Bullet time. (ie slow motion.)

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Undercover Steve
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Posted: 11th Jan 2006 01:33
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Chuck Norris Kicks jackie chan's ass. Proof:
http://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view/285267

And then
Gandalf the Gray, Gandalf the White, Monty Python and the Holy Grail's Black night,
Bunnito Mussolini, Blue Meanie,
Cowboy Curtis, Jimbi the Jinnie,
Robocop, Terminator, Captain Kurk,
Darth Vader, Lo Pan,
Super Man, Every single Power Ranger,
Bill S preston, Theodore logan,
spock, the rock, doc halk, and hulk hogan,
came out of nowhere lighting fast, and kicked chuck norris and his cowboy ass. It was the bloodiest Battle that the world ever saw, with civilians looking out in total awe. (more, but seriously, I typed to much)

We have fallen Into an abyss! Dear God captian! There all Bars.
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Xenocythe
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Posted: 11th Jan 2006 01:42
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You guys dont know who Bruce Lee is. You think he sucks? He was almost paralyzed and every doctor said he wouldn't be able to fight again nonetheless even walk again. But guess what? He did. He made his own almost flawless martial arts. He could kick a person across your living room. He was strong.
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Undercover Steve
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Posted: 11th Jan 2006 01:47
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Bruce Lee, from original 1950 movies. I do. Do you think I care? Chuck norris pwns.

We have fallen Into an abyss! Dear God captian! There all Bars.
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Mnemonix
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Posted: 11th Jan 2006 01:50
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Yes but Chuck Norris got absolutely pwnt by Bruce Lee in The Way Of The Dragon, back when Chuck Norris looked human.

WE SHALL BECOME ALL POWERFUL! CRUSH THE LESSER RACES! CONQUER THE GALAXY! UNIMAGINABLE POWER! UNLIMITED RICE PUDDING ! ! ! ETC. ! ! ! ETC.! ! !
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Oddmind
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Posted: 11th Jan 2006 01:54
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that was an act set up to make people think chuck norris WASNT taking over the world...you guys really are dense arent ya?

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Blazer
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Posted: 11th Jan 2006 02:10
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Quote: " Chuck Norris Kicks jackie chan's ass. Proof:
http://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view/285267"


I like it when lincolin kills batman........lincolin rules

I discriminate against discriminating people....
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Undercover Steve
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Posted: 11th Jan 2006 02:30
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chuck norris kills batman:S

We have fallen Into an abyss! Dear God captian! There all Bars.
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SirFire
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Posted: 11th Jan 2006 05:57
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chuck norris sucks.

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Undercover Steve
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Posted: 11th Jan 2006 06:59
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And yet it took Gandalf the Gray and Gandalf the white, and Monty Python and the Holy Grails's Black Knight to kill him:p

We have fallen Into an abyss! Dear God captian! There all Bars.
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soapyfish
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Posted: 11th Jan 2006 07:31
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"I'll bite ya legs off"

*Attempts to think of witty and original signature*
*Fails*
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Jeku
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Posted: 11th Jan 2006 08:40
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Mr. Miyagi could kick Chuch Norris' and Bruce Lee's butt, simultaneously.


Automaton Games website has been revamped! Check it out!
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Phaelax
DBPro Master
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Posted: 11th Jan 2006 08:50 Edited at: 11th Jan 2006 08:50
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Quote: "Bruce Lee, from original 1950 movies. I do. Do you think I care? Chuck norris pwns."


Lee was born in 1940 first of all, and though he did do movies as early as the 40's, he was a baby. Most of his popular films were in the 60's and 70's.

chuck norris sucks. I watched bruce lee rip the back hair off of norris, then he killed him. good movie.

i've seen more kung fu movies than blockbuster. even jackie chan would beat norris. Chan was trained by shoulin monks since he was a kid. Lee, well, its Bruce friggin Lee! He could just flinch his arm and knock you across a room. (i saw it on my dvd collection, real interviews, not movie stunts)

BRUCE LEE OWNS ALL!


p.s. steven segal could beat chuck norris!


Deadly Night Assassins
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Jeku
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Posted: 11th Jan 2006 09:39
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Even Jean Claude could beat Chuck Norris.


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tpfkat
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Posted: 11th Jan 2006 09:44
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chuck norris is a pussy,won a couple of comps which are limited by rules...........send him to our club for no rules action then watch his tash turn grey.
jean claude van damme is a fake,cheated his way into a main role ( though it was quite cunning).

the programmer formarly known as thicko.
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Ian T
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Posted: 11th Jan 2006 09:45
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I beg to differ. I could beat Jean Claude


Arr
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Chilled Programmer 420
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Posted: 11th Jan 2006 12:47
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chuck norris is an extreamly good fighter, and i think he would beat most, including jackie chan, but bruce lee is legendary, and evan chuck norris has said that he could learn from him
read bruce lee's tao of jeet kune do, great book, great tips, great philosaphy

Your signature has been erased by a mod
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Pincho Paxton
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Posted: 11th Jan 2006 13:01
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I haven't seen any of his films.......


Chuck Norris Filmography

The Wrecking Crew - 1969 (appeared in)
Return Of The Dragon - 1973 (feature film debut)
Breaker! Breaker! - 1976
Good Guys Wear Black - 1977
A Force Of One - 1978
The Octagon - 1979
An Eye For An Eye - 1980
Silent Rage - 1981
Forced Vengeance - 1981
Lone Wolf McQuade - 1982
Missing In Action - 1984
Missing In Action II: The Beginning - 1985
Code Of Silence - 1985
Invasion USA - 1985
Delta Force - 1986
Firewalker - 1986
Braddock: Missing In Action III - 1987
Hero And The Terror - 1988
Delta Force 2: Operation Stranglehold - 1990
The Hitman - 1991
Sidekicks - 1993
Hellbound - 1994
Top Dog - 1995
Forrest Warrior - 1995 (released on video only)

Television Series

Walker, Texas Ranger - 1993 to 2001
*****************************************************************

Which is unusual being as I have about 500 videos here.

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Richard Davey
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Posted: 11th Jan 2006 19:16
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Quote: "I haven't seen any of his films......."


Lucky you, they're mostly crap.

Exit Planet Dust
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PowerSoft
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Posted: 11th Jan 2006 19:43
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Who is Chuck Norris...

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soapyfish
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Posted: 11th Jan 2006 19:55
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Yoda pwns all.

*Attempts to think of witty and original signature*
*Fails*
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Jeku
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Posted: 11th Jan 2006 21:55
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Quote: "Lucky you, they're mostly crap."


Especially Sidekicks. *shudder*


Automaton Games website has been revamped! Check it out!
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Darkbasic MADPSP
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Posted: 11th Jan 2006 22:28
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Quote: "Quote: "I haven't seen any of his films......."

Lucky you, they're mostly crap.

Especially Sidekicks. *shudder*
"

Um should i watch them? lol

http://www.users.zetnet.co.uk/csimon/spain03/days2_3.htm << where i went for my holiday or www.portaventura.es
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Oddmind
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Posted: 11th Jan 2006 22:28 Edited at: 11th Jan 2006 22:33
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Quote: "i've seen more kung fu movies than blockbuster. even jackie chan would beat norris. Chan was trained by shoulin monks since he was a kid. Lee, well, its Bruce friggin Lee! He could just flinch his arm and knock you across a room. (i saw it on my dvd collection, real interviews, not movie stunts)
"


: Jackie Chan wasnt trained by shaolin monks, he was trained in shaolin kung fu tho... not by monks. If ou are trained by shaolin monks you would ever become and stay a monk. You would not make movies or do the things that Mr.Chan does. Hes an excellent martial artist and actor, but only has about as much training as a person whos the rank of 3rd dan. Hes barely a sifu i guess you could say.

In 1949 when the communists took over china the shaolin tmples were burned to the ground, by the next morning only 5 masters were alive. They spread to different parts of the world, and finally in the early 70's Grandmaster Sin Kwang The' (who i train under), came to america and started a shaolin do training program. Since then the temple have re emerged in china only for competition fighting.... Theres monks but not really like there were before 1949...

Quote: "Lee, well, its Bruce friggin Lee! He could just flinch his arm and knock you across a room."


about that, an excellent move wouldnt you say? But do you know why they demonstrate things like that? Do you know what it means? Its also a shaolin tactic, i think bruce and jet have more shaolin experience than jackie chan. That "one inch punch" uses really just the same mechanics as any punch within the shaolin system. What happens when one trains over time is that they dont need to generate enough kenetic energy and body motion to have the same effect. Although in contrast if they WERE to generate all of that motion that it would take an untrained person to achieve the same thing, the persons head would be on the other side of the room with the body still standing

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adr
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Posted: 12th Jan 2006 00:10
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You forgot a rather crucial Chuck Norris fact:

When you ask Chuck Norris the time, he replies "Two seconds till." Just as you're asking "Two seconds till what?" he roundhouses you in the face.

[center]
iv tryed everything!!!!!!!!!! could u please just add The gun and shooting Code thats All!!!!!!!!!
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Deep Thought 42
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Posted: 12th Jan 2006 00:17
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Its kinda funny watching those old kung-fu movies. You notice only one bad guy attakcs at a time. And while he gets his ass kicked his buddies are dancing around the room.

"There are no stupid questions, just a lot of inquisitive idiots."
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Cian Rice
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Posted: 12th Jan 2006 00:31 Edited at: 12th Jan 2006 00:37
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* Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.

* Crop circles are Chuck Norris’ way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the f**k down.

* Chuck Norris is ten feet tall, weighs two-tons, breathes fire, and could eat a hammer and take a shotgun blast standing.

* The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed misserably.

* Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse-kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn’t stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

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Oddmind
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Posted: 12th Jan 2006 01:41
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OMFG thats great anime!! XD gotta love that guy

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Fallout
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Posted: 12th Jan 2006 01:46
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Btw, good chucky jokes. I will be using some of those to represent me and intimidate co-workers in the near future. I can't wait for someone to tell me I'm going to be late, so I can reply "Well time better slow the f*ck down then!". That will make me better than Norris, Chang and Lee combined, and I'll be more unstoppable that a full bladder when you're being tickled by Mr Fingers.

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Undercover Steve
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Posted: 12th Jan 2006 01:58
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America has a cult following of Canada

We have fallen Into an abyss! Dear God captian! There all Bars.
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Manticore Night
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Posted: 12th Jan 2006 04:46
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Quote: "America has a cult following of Canada"
Well that was random.

[center]It's amazing how much TV has raised us. (Bart Simpson)

He's back! With 20% less intelligence!
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Undercover Steve
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Posted: 12th Jan 2006 05:00
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The truth must be told.

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Dodic
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Posted: 12th Jan 2006 05:25
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Quote: "Walker, Texas Ranger - 1993 to 2001"


hm ... how the ___ did i watch that show in 1991 , is it possible that in Serbia they warp time ?

no , but really how is it possible , i KNOW for SURE i watched it in 1991 , that is like a texas rendzer , he often fight with some criminals and stuff.i actally only watched it back then so i don`t remember that too well.

p.s. it IS possible that i`m wrong becouse 1991 is a long time ago.


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Oddmind
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Posted: 12th Jan 2006 05:27
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Dodic texas ranger was in the 80's... he was famous even before that. But now you earned yourself a roundhouse kick to the FACE!

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Dave J
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Posted: 12th Jan 2006 06:10
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No, it wasn't, it started in 93. Also, has anyone seen McCloud? It's like a 70's version of Texas Ranger.


"Computers are useless, they can only give you answers."
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Mr Snuggles
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Posted: 12th Jan 2006 10:47
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Chuck Norris is frequently on commercials late at night and on the Trinity Broadcasting Network with Christie Brinkley trying to get prayer in public schools here in the US. I don't like him.

Plus Bruce Lee friggin' broke his neck in Return of The Dragon in a sweet battle in the Colosseum in Rome.

ooo isn't that precious
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Torrey
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Posted: 12th Jan 2006 11:16
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This thread is really funny! I started a search for Chuck Norris on yahoo to find an interesting image, instead I found this:



Chuck Heston kissing an ape...

Bring your game to a whole new moddable level, click here for DarkScript!
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Hawkeye
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Posted: 12th Jan 2006 20:17 Edited at: 12th Jan 2006 20:17
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Chuck Norris has nothin' on my hawk.

It is not the hawk's eye you should beware, but the hawk's arse...


I am but mad north north-west; when the wind is southerly I know a hawk from a handsaw - Hamlet, Hamlet
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Oddmind
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Posted: 12th Jan 2006 23:22
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I must have texas ranger confused with the lone ranger? :\

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Cian Rice
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Posted: 12th Jan 2006 23:48
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I'm surpised I haven't seen a Chuck Norris commerical like this:

"The round-house kick is the fastest and most effective way I've ever seen to kick and inadvertly kill someone"

If you don't understand why I say this then you haven't seen the total gym commericals where Chuck Norris says that it's the fastest and most effective way he's ever seen to excercise.

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