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Geek Culture / The greatest Motion Picture of all time

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Matt Rock
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Posted: 6th Mar 2006 05:51 Edited at: 6th Mar 2006 05:52
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After watching the Oscars tonight, I've decided I'm going to create a movie that will win in every single category for the year it's released. My film will be a heartwarming tale about a handicapped homosexual minority who is HIV positive and battling cancer, Lou Gherigs disease, and accute manic depression, all taking place in Japan during the early 1800's. It will be a a 30-minute short, filmed entirely in Germany, and will be fully animated with the best special effects money can buy. Live actors will play over the animations. I'll find a person with these disorders and name the main character after them, then write a short story about them, and then write a screenplay that's loosely based on my short story and film the entire thing as a documentary about the shifting tides in international commerce and trade relations.

This way I can win best film, best actor, best actress, best supporting people, best foreign film, best sound, best effects, best animated film, best short film, best biography, best original screenplay, and best adaptation. What am I leaving out here?

edit: Oh yeah, and best documentary


"Hell is an Irish Pub where it's St. Paddy's day all year long" ~ Christopher, The Sopranos
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Mnemonix
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Posted: 6th Mar 2006 05:54
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No.

WE SHALL BECOME ALL POWERFUL! CRUSH THE LESSER RACES! CONQUER THE GALAXY! UNIMAGINABLE POWER! UNLIMITED RICE PUDDING ! ! ! ETC. ! ! ! ETC.! ! !
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Benjamin
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Posted: 6th Mar 2006 06:03 Edited at: 6th Mar 2006 06:05
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I think you made up best biography.

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jasonhtml
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Posted: 6th Mar 2006 06:08
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wow, how long did it take to come up with that

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JoelJ
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Posted: 6th Mar 2006 06:11
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you bring stupid ideas to a whole new level...




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Baggers
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Posted: 6th Mar 2006 06:16
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*Tips hat to Matt Rock*
Your onto a winner my boy

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ionstream
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Posted: 6th Mar 2006 06:22
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Baggers, why is the rabbit in your sig doing the nazi salute? :S



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Matt Rock
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Posted: 6th Mar 2006 06:50
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Quote: "I think you made up best biography."

I don't think so... they did something with Best Biography tonight... if it wasn't an award it was a "montage," but in either case I wasn't really paying attention

Quote: "wow, how long did it take to come up with that"

About three minutes. I think that makes me a genius

Quote: "you bring stupid ideas to a whole new level..."

Sad thing is, that movie would win at least three oscars


"Hell is an Irish Pub where it's St. Paddy's day all year long" ~ Christopher, The Sopranos
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Me!
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Posted: 6th Mar 2006 11:01 Edited at: 6th Mar 2006 12:51
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sounds about right, although I think you should set it in the present day to save costs, and include one major explosion every ten minutes (done with some low end proprietry flame effect software), apart from the last ten minutes, that should be one drawn out series of major explosions followed by an uber-massive explosion that the hero just escapes (preferably done in space in zero g with the flames/smoke going up and the wreckage falling downwards, and it should look as though it killed the hero until he pushes the huge section of polystyrene wall/girders off himself and climbs from the wreckage), you also need one failed relationship or betrayal per half hour, two arguements involving profanity/violence/murder every ten minutes, four pointless scenes involving sex and every outdoor scene should include a barrel filled with burning rubbish and two vagrants minimum, oh! and don`t forget to employ someone to make sure any technical details have nothing to do with reality.



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OSX Using Happy Dude
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Posted: 6th Mar 2006 11:39 Edited at: 6th Mar 2006 11:47
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Dont forget to include slo-mo animation, time travel, a suprise ending that isn't really surprising and people talking to the camera.

And make the whole film appear to be a dream (or a hologram generated simulation, ala last episode of Enterprise).

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TDP Enterprises
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Posted: 6th Mar 2006 12:46
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and if a hott chick wakes up and hears a sound in the middle of the night, she will go outside and investigate in her most revealing nightwear

Snow Wars is making its return, check out the Game Design Theory board for more info...
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Megaton Cat
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Posted: 6th Mar 2006 13:11
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Am I the only one here that sees Matt Rock's brilliance?

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OSX Using Happy Dude
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Posted: 6th Mar 2006 13:40 Edited at: 6th Mar 2006 13:41
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Probably... Except on Wednesday, when everyone does (unless its at night, when everyone will on Tueday, unless its raining or sunny).

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Baggers
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Posted: 6th Mar 2006 16:10
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Ionstream: Helps with his rheumatism

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Matt Rock
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Posted: 6th Mar 2006 17:05
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Megaton's with me here This is pure 100% oscar material!

Quote: "sounds about right, although I think you should set it in the present day to save costs"

But if we don't make it a period piece we won't take the costume oscar.

Quote: "Dont forget to include slo-mo animation, time travel, a suprise ending that isn't really surprising and people talking to the camera"

Time travel! Of course! This way we can win the Oscar for makeup and it'll help with the special effects! Genius! Stinky, I'm hiring you as a writer

Quote: "oh! and don`t forget to employ someone to make sure any technical details have nothing to do with reality."

Of course... I'm professional I understand the importance of hiring technical advisors with absolutely no experience in the fields this movie will encompass.

Quote: "Probably... Except on Wednesday, when everyone does (unless its at night, when everyone will on Tueday, unless its raining or sunny)."


So if it's wednesday, not dark out, or nighttime and there's overcast or snow, then everyone thinks I'm brilliant? ROCK! hehe. From now on I'm only releasing games and movies on Wednesdays


"Hell is an Irish Pub where it's St. Paddy's day all year long" ~ Christopher, The Sopranos
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JoelJ
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Posted: 6th Mar 2006 17:39
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Quote: "Am I the only one here that sees Matt Rock's brilliance?"

yes


This just in: White lab coats cause cancer in mice. Details comming soon.
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Matt Rock
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Posted: 6th Mar 2006 17:53
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Joel, take your ritalin


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Me!
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Posted: 6th Mar 2006 19:14 Edited at: 6th Mar 2006 19:15
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Joels just suffering envy , he can`t hack serious competition , this is truly a great undertaking, but I still think you could use Elizabethan costume in present day settings by basing it on the lives of actors, that way you can use any class of movie that would increase your oscar opportunities, Wild West, Tudor, Roman, etc, plus it means you don`t have to worry about continuity , you can blame it on the poor continuity of the scene depicted in the story , in fact as a part documentary you can dispense with a plot...it just gets better....awesome



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Matt Rock
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Posted: 6th Mar 2006 19:52
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All great ideas, but we need to keep the plot to take the "best original screenplay" and "best adaptation" oscars

We should hire Phillip Seymore Hoffman, Tom Hanks, and... I dunno, a bunch of other super-talented actors and actresses... all oscar winners of course!


"Hell is an Irish Pub where it's St. Paddy's day all year long" ~ Christopher, The Sopranos
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Fallout
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Posted: 6th Mar 2006 21:07
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That's exactly the sort of arty shy-toe-babble that'll get you the moulded-polystyrne-with-a-coating-of-tin Oscars that you so deserve.

Go for it my son.

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Manticore Night
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Posted: 6th Mar 2006 21:10
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Can I play Tom Hanks!?

[center]It's amazing how much TV has raised us. (Bart Simpson)

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Matt Rock
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Posted: 6th Mar 2006 21:17
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@ Fallout: LOL so true... I'm totally winning in 2007

@ Manticore: I was thinking Tom would play Phillip and Phillip would play Tom... but you can play Tom Hank's Canadian identical twin cousin Eddie. But he suffers from leprosey (sp?) so you'd need to spend 5 hours every day in makeup... it's up to you

Did I mention that every character in this movie is terminally ill?


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Manticore Night
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Posted: 6th Mar 2006 21:21
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Quote: "so you'd need to spend 5 hours every day in makeup... it's up to you "
Only if I get to wear lipstick.

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Matt Rock
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Posted: 6th Mar 2006 21:28
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Of course! We're talking about Tom Hank's canadian leper identical twin cousin Eddie here

I think we should name this movie "Canadian Leper." Whatcha think?


"Hell is an Irish Pub where it's St. Paddy's day all year long" ~ Christopher, The Sopranos
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Fallout
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Posted: 6th Mar 2006 21:35 Edited at: 6th Mar 2006 21:36
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"Kingdom of Scabies"

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Megaton Cat
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Posted: 6th Mar 2006 22:37
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I guess you guys just don't appriciate good writing.

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Chris K
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Posted: 6th Mar 2006 23:13
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Quote: "Am I the only one here that sees Matt Rock's brilliance?"


No I see it too.

I am literally still laughing and I read it three years ago when some other idiot came up with this widly unoriginal joke.

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TDP Enterprises
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Posted: 6th Mar 2006 23:17
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make eddie a mountie and...

"Brokeback Mountie"

Snow Wars is making its return, check out the Game Design Theory board for more info...
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Chris K
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Posted: 6th Mar 2006 23:20
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That's not even in the same theme as the other ones.

That is just complete and utter crap.

This reminds me of a bit from Corner Gas.

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TDP Enterprises
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Posted: 6th Mar 2006 23:30 Edited at: 6th Mar 2006 23:32
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Quote: "That is just complete and utter crap"
you just made me break down in tears, thanks

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Cian Rice
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Posted: 6th Mar 2006 23:39
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Okay, Matt. I've called Uwe Bolle and he's decided to adapt your idea to a movie which he's going to start tomorrow.

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Jeku
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Posted: 7th Mar 2006 00:54
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Quote: "This reminds me of a bit from Corner Gas."


*shudders*

That show is about as funny as falling on one's own face.


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Matt Rock
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Posted: 7th Mar 2006 02:39
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Quote: "I am literally still laughing and I read it three years ago when some other idiot came up with this widly unoriginal joke."

Well, I didn't hear it three years ago, or ever for that matter, so I think it's pretty friggin' original.

Quote: "Okay, Matt. I've called Uwe Bolle and he's decided to adapt your idea to a movie which he's going to start tomorrow. "

No no no! Call him and tell him he can produce but I want to direct! That way we can win at Sundance, too


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Joe Cooning
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Posted: 7th Mar 2006 05:31
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Before anyone forgets, at least one major character must be done in cg.

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JoelJ
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Posted: 7th Mar 2006 06:06
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Quote: "Joel, take your ritalin "

the problem isn't from NOT taking it...


This just in: White lab coats cause cancer in mice. Details comming soon.
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re faze
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Posted: 7th Mar 2006 06:13
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its a bit asynchronous, but go for it.

Dont code slowly be SWIFT about it!
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Matt Rock
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Posted: 7th Mar 2006 15:26
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@ Joe: Good point. Phillip Seymour Hoffman's character will be done in CG but made to look exactly like him (but as a minority, because they all need to be minorities)

@ Joel: Cut back on the dosage then

@ re faze: what's asynchronous about it? I think it's a very deep and well-plotted.... uh... plot.


"Hell is an Irish Pub where it's St. Paddy's day all year long" ~ Christopher, The Sopranos
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OSX Using Happy Dude
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Posted: 7th Mar 2006 16:19
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Dont forget you MUST have subtitles - film it in English, and add English subtitles...

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Manticore Night
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Posted: 7th Mar 2006 17:52
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No, just get everone to talk gibberish and say it's in Swahili.

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Cian Rice
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Posted: 7th Mar 2006 18:32
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Okay, Uwe will produce, under one condition. The actual movie has to have no relation to the script.

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Matt Rock
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Posted: 7th Mar 2006 19:03
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@ stinky and Manticore - What if we compromise by having Benjamin translate the whole thing into French, but we don't use the translations at all?

@ Anime: Tell Uwe it's a deal


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Seppuku Arts
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Posted: 7th Mar 2006 19:33
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I think any one could come up with more intriging story lines than some of the hollywood crap like Matt Rock has done. Some focus on effects and action to win the audience, but that only works when everything else is crappy, and the effects have to feel realistic, unlike I robot, I just sat there thinking, is there supposed to be tension here.

Then again I haven't been watching the oscars so I don't know what movies have been nominated. But what I do know is, the advertisement is driving me insane, for christ sake on sky one I was watching the simpsons, in the break you have the advert, and when that animation thing saying 'Sky One' had the person mention them, and when the break had finished the banner took up a quarter of the screen advertising them, come on we get the idea!

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Manticore Night
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Posted: 7th Mar 2006 20:08
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Quote: "What if we compromise by having Benjamin translate the whole thing into French, but we don't use the translations at all?"
Aw come on Ben just lives in France, he doesn't even know what Maudit means. I could translate it. But I'd want to take.. um.. liberties with it.

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Jeku
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Posted: 8th Mar 2006 00:19
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Quote: "Aw come on Ben just lives in France"


But you just live in Winnipeg, so what's the difference? Winnipeg isn't exactly a centre-piece of the French language, is it?


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Matt Rock
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Posted: 8th Mar 2006 00:35
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Quote: "I think any one could come up with more intriging story lines than some of the hollywood crap like Matt Rock has done."


Seppuku missed the point


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Manticore Night
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Posted: 8th Mar 2006 01:28 Edited at: 8th Mar 2006 01:29
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Quote: "But you just live in Winnipeg, so what's the difference? Winnipeg isn't exactly a centre-piece of the French language, is it?"
Well, Vancouver isn't the center peice of the english language, now is it?

The difference is that in another thread Ben asked what Maudit means. I don't pretend to know all the words, in french. Hell! I don't even know all the words in english! But atleast I know what "damn"(maudit) is.

I don't mean to offend if Ben takes it that way.

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Cian Rice
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Posted: 8th Mar 2006 02:12
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Okay Uwe says the movies almost done. So far the main character is being played by Ben Aflec and the supporting role is being done by Arny.

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Jeku
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Posted: 8th Mar 2006 02:40
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Quote: "Well, Vancouver isn't the center peice of the english language, now is it?"


You're right. There are probably more Asian students here than white, Anglos.


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Matt Rock
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Posted: 8th Mar 2006 03:28
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Anime, this is supposed to be a multi-oscar winning film. We can't win oscars with Ben Affleck and Arnold Schwarzenegger. But tell Ah-nuld I'm flattered that he'd come out of retirement to do my latest flick


"Hell is an Irish Pub where it's St. Paddy's day all year long" ~ Christopher, The Sopranos
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Sid Sinister
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Posted: 8th Mar 2006 05:42
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The Matrix , hands down.
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