I have been watching some steven wright(funny comedian) and was wondering if anyone had a bit of random comedy to share with me to make me laugh for about 3 seconds...
I'll share some for your 3 seconds of laughter too...(most is steven wright stuff)
1. my doctor said I got to get in shape before I can start working out
2. yea.. decided I'm goign to start trying to be healthier so I started taking vitamins.... thing about vitamins are they take a lot to fill you up... makes your urine turn all sorts of colors though.. I like to turn off the lights and have a little laser light show
3. I bought some batteries the other day but they weren't included so I had to buy them again.... what do batteries run on anyway?
4. I like to look up into the sky and smile every few minutes for the satellite photos
5. yea... I have a cd-burner....in my chimney
6. why do people buy hot water heaters.. if you have hot water then why would you need to heat it! you would need a hot water cooler and a cold water heater..
7. I got a humidifier and a dehumidifier for christmas.. so I put 'em both in the same room and let them fight it out
8. (this is long..)So I was just watching tv.. and decided I needed some pee's(the vegetable) so now I could either walk to the store or I could remove the keys from under the table, but the table is precisely balanced so that the soup won't spill.... so after 30 minutes of trying to decide I carefully removed the keys from under the table and THE SOUP DIDN'T SPILL..it p*ssed me off so bad I just threw the soup against the wall then got a squirt gun and started shooting it at the soup on the wall.. to discover that the squirt gun was filled with soup but it made a cool color so I stared at it a bit.. then I went to the store and was looking for the pees... and then I saw that the cashier was looking at me so I tryed to distract myself by counting the number of pees on the label of the can.. trying to figure out if theirs a meaning in the number of pees on the label... 47 too many.. 45 too few.. 46 the perfect number.... so then I took the pees to the counter and asked the cashier "how are you?" and she said "is that all" and then I said "no I'd also like to buy these pees"... then I was thinking of how cool it would be to get a job there and then when someone asks me something I can say "what does it look like, I work here!?"
9.(and another) so I went to this video store and I was trying to find this one video so I went to the cashier and asked him "hey do you know what the name of that one new video... it has nicholas cage and it's black and white on color film.." and then I thought a bit and relized I was thinking of a dream I had so then I was like "oh I'm sorry I was thinking of a video" and then he said "oh.. yea I know" and then I asked him "how do you know that!?" and he said "well your in a dream now" and I thought how ironic that I'm trying to order a dream video in a dream so then I said "ok then... tell me when it comes in" and then I left
10. yea I was waiting in this room... just waiting and then I asked the person at the desk "what kind of doctor is this guy" and then she said "he's a foot doctor" and this guy came out and he was only 12 inches tall and then I left
11. sometimes you won't be able to hear me when I talk... I like to talk in parenthese's
12. people sometimes get annoyed at me because I talk to myself with a megaphone
meh.. more later
