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Geek Culture / Culinary Abortions and Other Travesties of the Universe

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Siolis
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Posted: 27th Nov 2006 23:49 Edited at: 28th Nov 2006 02:59
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Ok, I’m not going to beat about the bush here; I just spent two and a half hours cooking and ended up test eating raw sausage cus I tried to cook it in a pan with some BBQ sauce, peas and a shed load of mushrooms. The entire lot then went as thick as cement as I turned up the heat to try and fry it...then it caught on fire and nearly burned out the kitchen of a ninth floor university apartment block as a tea towel caught fire.

I now have less eye brows than I started with, no mushrooms, no BBQ sauce, no ten pack of sausages and no peas. Total damage, 15 quid I recon after adding the pan I destroyed.

On the upside however I do have some dinner because I was able to rescue the rice and add a pasta sauce and some salad and I didn’t get charged 50 quid for the firemen call out cus the fire alarm didn’t go off cus it depends on heat and I had the window open, luckily.



Anyone else care to try and trump me on accidents (and sheer dumb assery)?

Be advised, I have another which was entirely my own fault where I cracked my head open, twice, and needed 16 stitches. Bring it!

A Dragons Legacy...a blog by S.R.Deoden
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Raven
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Location: Hertfordshire, England
Posted: 28th Nov 2006 00:12
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I once was making duck a la orange once, and soaked the orange slices a little too long in brandy.. but without realising this I put it in my new gas oven; after about an hour i heard a loud *BANG* only to find that the duck had exploded with pressure throwing the door open and catching fire.

Was a nice chinese I had with my lass that night ^_^

Intel Core 2 Duo E6400, 512MB DDR2 667MHz, ATi Radeon X1900 XT 256MB PCI-E, Windows Vista Business / XP Professional SP2
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Siolis
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Posted: 28th Nov 2006 00:19
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Niiice.

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Fallout
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Location: Basingstoke, England
Posted: 28th Nov 2006 00:24 Edited at: 28th Nov 2006 00:26
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hehe! Gordon Ramsey would be very upset with you.

Hmmm. The best I can do is, when I was a very lil nipper, me and a mate were playing in a sandpit in my back garden with our Tonka trucks. We had this rag with us that got all dirty, so we decided to wash it in the washing machine that was located in the garage. We chucked the rag in and turned it on, but nothing seemed to happen. We resolved that we were supposed to add water ourselves, so we got the hose pipe and put it into the washing machine drum and let the water fly.

Of course, it was actually a tumble dryer, and plugged into the mains, switched on and having water spewed into it by the gallon. So of course, it sparked, smoked, blew up, electrified the whole garage floor as the water poured out, short circuited all the electrics in the garage and exploded the bulb. Luckily I was too young to really get bollocked, so I got away with it.


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CattleRustler
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Posted: 28th Nov 2006 00:30
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Quote: "hehe! Gordon Ramsey would be very upset with you"

haha I love Hell's Kitchen (2 seasons so far here in the states). I lmao when he rips into people "move ur arse!" and when he tells the "chef" contestants who go utterly wrong on the food tasting tests "you have a pallette like a cows backside". Haha
We've also caught his other show on BBC America where he goes to various resturants and tries to teach them how to turn their dying business around by actually cooking. Some do quite well, while some are pathetic. At least he tells it like it is. I like that guy.



Its 9/11 - but its FAKE 9/11 Ts=SQRT(Df/16)
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Miguel Melo
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Posted: 28th Nov 2006 22:42
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Quote: "then it caught on fire and nearly burned out the kitchen of a ninth floor university apartment block as a tea towel caught fire. "


Now I understand why the University of Ulster forbade people from cooking after a certain hour in the Halls of Residence! It's people like you what cause this sort of unrest...

Seriously, though, can't forget the time when me and a couple of mates who were doing our final project there (we were 23 and living in Halls full of crazy 18 year olds) were told off for boiling some soup after we came back from computer labs one evening...

I have vague plans for World Domination
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Agent Dink
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Posted: 28th Nov 2006 23:04
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I was at a friends house when I was 12 and we pulled out his motorized mini-bike. So he showed me how to work it, and let me give it a try. I started riding it around in a loop in his backyard, and as I was turning the 2nd time, I twisted the accelerator on the handlebars as I turned. The bike started accelerating rather fast. I ended up riding up the side of his neighbors aluminum barn... I left quite a dent *cough*hole*cough* in the barn and an even bigger dent in my ego. The worst part was his dad and my mom were watching. I also bent the posts holding the front wheel on the bike... Never went to his house again, but still had to live through about 5 baseball games on the same team.

...I never did tell the neighbor about his barn

Sometimes the only way over a wall is to pile up enough bodies to climb over - Dave W.
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BatVink
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Posted: 28th Nov 2006 23:28 Edited at: 28th Nov 2006 23:30
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Quote: "We've also caught his other show on BBC America where he goes to various resturants and tries to teach them how to turn their dying business around by actually cooking"


The very first show was at a restaurant called Bonaparte's in Silsden, West Yorkshire. It's about 3 miles down the road from me, and the week before GR came, my wife was there with her friend. The chef kept coming out and telling everybody that GR was coming and they were going to be on TV.

Anyway...the chef gave Gordon food poisoning with rancid scallops (it showed him throwing up in the back yard), and the restaurant went bankrupt within 6 months.

The owner was interviewed in the local paper, and claimed that she had no idea what the final cut would be like until she saw it on TV.

The Evening Standard then reported it was all a setup (I assure you it wasn't!), and Ramsay won £75,000 in damages for libel.



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Tinkergirl
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Posted: 28th Nov 2006 23:37
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Personally, I'm having a lot of success with the recipes on Delia's website. Made goulash only the other day, and discovered it was absolutely scrummy! Why did no-one tell me goulash was so delicious! Conspiracy, I tell you.

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El Goorf
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Location: Uni: Manchester, Home: Dunstable
Posted: 28th Nov 2006 23:45 Edited at: 29th Nov 2006 10:40
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a couple of months ago, i put the previous night's kebab in the microwave, and then put some bread in the toaster in order to make myself a kebab toastie.

this whole time the kebab was making spitting sounds, which i guessed was due to it being greasier or fattier kebab than usual. suddenly, there was a loud crack, and i saw an orange glow coming from the inside of the microwave

i looked inside, and it was on fire!

made a really bad smell, i had to open all the doors and windows, and couldn't step outside my bedroom since i coudlnt breath, the smoke was so bad, i think i melted something in the microwave, since it was the smell of burning plastic, not burning food.

mum wasnt impressed when she got home form work...
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adr
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Posted: 29th Nov 2006 00:04 Edited at: 29th Nov 2006 00:04
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Back during my university days, i got into a nasty habit of buying a pizza on the way home (from my late night studies... ) and then kinda dumping it on the floor by the side of the bed. It usually made a nice breakfast/lunch the next day...

This pattern continued until one day I was violently ill, at which point i decided it would be a better idea to put the pizzas in the fridge, rather than on my scummy floor.


I'm superfly TNT
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Seppuku Arts
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Posted: 29th Nov 2006 00:39
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Quote: "as a tea towel caught fire. "


Similar experience, turned the cooker on, wrong hob, there was an over glove on the one I did turn on, it was on the brink of catching fire, so I threw it out of the window and aired out the kitchen.

"Cut down the gods if they stand in your way" - Hakamoto Tsunetomo
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Miguel Melo
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Posted: 29th Nov 2006 10:11
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Quote: "and could step outside my bedroom since i coudlnt breath"


You have a microwave oven in your bedroom?

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El Goorf
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Posted: 29th Nov 2006 10:39
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umm... couldn't.

adr - that reminds me of the time that i once put a pizza in the oven, forgetting to remove all packaging first.

tasted good though.

i remember once i just got out of bed and went to make myself some breakfast. i like my milk warm, but wasn't concentrating, so i poured milk into a bowl, put a saucepan on the oven and filled it with coco-pops.
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Kentaree
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Posted: 29th Nov 2006 11:00
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In a place where I used to live, we had a gas oven, and the button to create a spark and light it didn't work, so it had to lighted manually. The only thing ever lying around the apartment to make fire was matches, so I had to turn on the gas, light a match, stick my hand with the match in the oven to light it.
Without fail, I'd scorch all the hair on my hand and arm, and the kitchen would smell weird for a few hours

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Siolis
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Posted: 29th Nov 2006 12:57
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You know, people always used to use matches to light gas cookers, you monkey.

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Benjamin
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Posted: 29th Nov 2006 13:05
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Quote: "forgetting to remove all packaging first."

How does one forget a thing like that?

Quote: "so I had to turn on the gas, light a match, stick my hand with the match in the oven to light it."

We always have to light our oven with a lighter/match, we never have any problems.

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Dave J
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Posted: 29th Nov 2006 14:07
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So... they don't have spark guns on your side of the world then, eh?


"Computers are useless, they can only give you answers."
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Kentaree
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Posted: 29th Nov 2006 15:39
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@DaveJ: That's what I meant Also, a lot of gas ovens have a little button that will spark for you.

@Siolis: I'm actually damn luck I'm not a monkey, my fur would've probably caught fire

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Mikey P
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Posted: 29th Nov 2006 16:46
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Quote: "adr - that reminds me of the time that i once put a pizza in the oven, forgetting to remove all packaging first"


I've always wondered why they bothered putting that on Pizza Boxes as instructions on how to cook.

I wasn't actually in the class, but a few years ago, another Food-Tech class had been cooking, and some bright person put washing up liquid in the kettle and turned it on. The kettle was ruined, and bubbles went everywhere... I was told it was a good show!

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Mr Tank
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Posted: 29th Nov 2006 19:44
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I'd heard of people eating the placenta before, but this is news to me.


You'll be able to click on this someday.
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Seppuku Arts
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Posted: 29th Nov 2006 20:15
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Quote: "I've always wondered why they bothered putting that on Pizza Boxes as instructions on how to cook."


Somehow that reminds me of the woman who but her dog in the microwave and it exploded and she sued the microwave company...Think...why is a microwave called a microwave, it doesn't have anything to do with microwave radiation does it

"Cut down the gods if they stand in your way" - Hakamoto Tsunetomo
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Siolis
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Posted: 29th Nov 2006 20:25
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The complete story was she put it in there to dry it off, when it died she then sued. Didn’t know it exploded though.

A Dragons Legacy...a blog by S.R.Deoden
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Dared1111
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Posted: 29th Nov 2006 22:10
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whoops i interpreted the title for something very sick...

Moenex is started in Dbpro!see:http://www.freewebs.com/memexthegame/index.htm
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Siolis
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Posted: 29th Nov 2006 22:27
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lol! I was waiting.

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