Okay, first off, i need to tell you that you need to listen to the disclaimer. its nothing horrible u just need to respect it.
___________________________________________________________
DISCLAIMER
------------------------------------------------------------
This story was made by the nerd clique. it cannot be passed off as one's own. this cannot be sold. this CAN be redistributed, un-modified, as long as you copy the disclaimer above the story. this is free to post anywhere; myspace, profiles, forums, etc. anywhere you wish, as long as the disclaimer is copyed and credit is given to the nerd clique. you will not recieve any credit or sum if you pass along the story.
-------------------------------------------------------------
okay, on to the book!!! feel free to leave comments.
DA FAMOUS PEOPLE LANDFILL
by: THE NERD CLIQUE
Hey everybody, it's me, Bob Nansmith. You know, as a kid, i planned to be rich and famous with a cool job. And my daddy told me, if you believe in yourself, you can do anything. Well screw that, because i became a telemarketer, using my persuasive ability to sell toothpaste. Colgate is kinda hardcore, i guess.
*So, one day on my Call-and-Annoy list, I saw the name bill gates. Oh boy, I thought, some excitement in my job. So i call the Chap, but his retarded security systems got in my way. since i'm cool and telemarketers never give up, I hacked it all! Bo-Ya! So when he answered, I started my magic. We had a 6 and a half hour conversation and i eventually got him to buy so much FREAKING TOOTHPASTE he was BROKE, and couldn't pay his morgage. He got kicked out of his house! Sweet!
*I wanted that house. I wanted that ten acre mansion. I wanted it. I wanted it bad.So, i Quit my job. Once i got home, i took a can of asprin and wrote BYE BYE AIDS on it. I sold them as an aids cure, and i said that in ten years you wouldn't have aids anymore. IT WORKED! I was so rich i bought Gate's House. or Mansion, whatever. In my case, a military base haahhahaa... we willl get to that later.
*I knew in ten years i'd get my butt sued off, so i spent all my leftover money to put up defenses like anti aircraft guns and i bought a ton of terminators, too. Oh yeah, and a STAY OUT OF MY HOOD sign. another one somewhere else says STAY OUT OF MY CRIB. and another one, for the illiterate peeps, says STAY OUT OF MY YARD. Anyway, after seven years, Gates came back, with 12 billion dollars. He walks up on the grass and stops like an acre away from my house and pulls out a megaphone and starts rambling about how he wants to buy his house back. "Get off my lawn!" i yell at him through my military alarm system. He kept rambling.He said at least 50 times about how he had 12 bil in his truck. so for once i llooked, and on the edge of my yard was his beat up truck (i stole all his cool cars) With all these suitcases piled up in the back.and under it was the mangled shape of my Crib sign. That was it. I changed the speaker to my security guard on the roof. "guard a, see if you can get a clear shot to bill."
"yes sir." These werent normal sniper rifles. They were these huge things that were mounted on my roof and were so heavy they had electronics to turn and aim and shoot it, hooked up to a computer. "mr nansmith, we have a clear shot to bills forehead, right above that mole there." Bill was still trying to telemarket me.
"take it" Then, in mid word, A huge blast shook the house and bill's head was instantly severed. The body slumped to the ground as blood sprayed out everywhere. I laughed. i couldn't help it. i did. those bullets are 4 inches wide and two feet long.you could call them tank shells. except they didn't explode. MUAHAHAHA."we can't just leave the body on the lawn. it would be mean, and besides, I dont want blood on my grass. Go fetch him here." Yeah, so i sent out two terminators. Once they brought his corpse to me, i decided he was too important to just throw away so i tossed him in the basement. I used the money i took from his truck to extend my yard 50 more acres. there was this house that was in my new yard. i told the house, "get out of my yard!" but the house didn't budge. i burned it down to the ground. when the family got back they were a little p.o.ed. But i still told them "get out of my yard!" the dad was really mad and he was storming up to my house. I kept yelling, but he came faster. So i desposed of him. Then the kids started crying and ran away.
*well three years later HUGE mobs of angry people with aids were kinda angry cause they figured out that taking asprin still means that they're gonna die.I did warn them. I really did. but they still stepped on my lawn. you know, grass is a plant just like flowers, but people respect flowers. &*#%@.
*My terminators got them all. Keith Herring was too important. I Threw him in the basement after he was mauled. I bought these giant robots with huge brooms that swept all the dead bodies off my lawn.
*The FBI started tickin me off with their agents now and then and all these swat teams. If they ever watched terminator, they would know they couldn't die. Why did they still bring in swat teams? who knows. once i saw a black hawk. good thing i brought those anti aircraft stuff.
*Later on presedent bush came. in this big limo. he got out, CAME IN MY LAWN, and took out a megaphone and started talking to me in that texas accent of his. very agrivating. "get out of my lawn!" he wouldn't budge."son, you are at the top of national security. i am sorry to say, but..." blah, blah, blah blah blah. how dare he call me son! i'm 30! how dare he venture into my hood! wait... where's my hood sign?
*Under the limo.
that was it. &*$%@!!! i changed my megaphone. "All snipers, get a target on ol' george here. the reply was "george washington's dead, sir."
"not if we killed him, you &#@$! get a &%#%*%# target on %&#*&%@ bush &#%&@!" so then i got like 20 replies, "we have a target, sir"
deja vu. to make a long story short, after he and his guards were gone, we threw bush in da basement. we sold the limo and used the money on terminators. Then the army was after me. it was annoying, nuke after nuke they send, and i still shoot it down before it gets in my lawn.
*so like a year later, Donald Gump or whatever is driving downThis road in this new expaned yard of mine, conveniant for me, he had his credit card with him. wohoo! and since it wasn't a citi card, i had one of my terminators identidy theft all over his corpse (which we threw in the basement). Man, did he have money. With that money we expaned my yard till it covered half the Usa! and I had to build so many watchtowers to make sure nobody got in my yard.
*there were so many famous people in half the usa, the basement got crowded and some we had to store in the kitchen, and then the chefs were all like 'oh no it smells' and my scientists like were all like 'it's unsanitary' and like everybody quit so i had to like, buy terminators to sweep, and cook, and snipe people in my yard, and massage me, and rub my feet, and get people to throw in my kitchen, and all other kinds of crap, so @*#$@ humans, okay! (i think that was the longest sentance in this book!!!) Eventually i was getting sick of the smell so i ordered my terminators to bury them ina one-acre plot of land (because i didn't want to dig up much on my lawn) to bury them all. it only fit like half. &*$#@. So now we like, order the terminators to dig em all up and bury them standing up so they all fit. Anyway, we barely fit them all.
Since i officially took up half the united states, i was a country. so i decided to make my flag. Green for my grass, right?
PICTURE HERE)
(flag, green w/ skull and stay out of my crib sign)
(will post later)
SWEET! the country of SOOMC was now officially recocnized as the biggest threat to the world! sweet!*This was so cool. I even got russia to team up with the us and fire all their missiles at me. By now, there were so many missile defense systems in my yard, we had them blown up before they reached the missisippi (by the way i live in maryland. i don't know if gate's house was there, but it is now). I wanted to take over the world. I decided it would be cool. But how! they made it illegal to expand my yard! gasp! So i called bush, i meant whoever is the presedint now, and told him that I'm claiming that the world is now my yard. Now i can attack! yay!
*We took over the us so fast. 30 nukes can do alot. after that i sent the terminators searching for dead bodies of famous people, who we buried their remains in my graveyard. it was getting really full. to the point where we were stuffing 5 bodies into a casket. but i'm trying to ignore that for now.
Canada and mexico. they didnt even stand a chance. one terminator took out mexico, one nuke made canada surrender. wimps. I gave them the rules i would any household under my control. if they werent a Stay Out Of MY CRIBbian, they got shot. every household was required to have my flag up, and everybody was forced to take good care of my lawn. if a family found any famous dead bodies, they were to report to me.
*What did we do to all the dead bodies who werent famous, you ask? we dumped em in the ocean. feeding the sharks will hopefully make them hungry enough to eat russia, but thats just my theroy.
*North america Conquered! WHAT NOW!?!?! I rock. heck yeah. but with all the famous people, i eventually just had to dig a big hole (still in that acre) and dump them all in and cover it, with a little door on top in case i wanted to throw any more people in. i called it, Da famous people landfill. And from that we get famous people gas co. which is the stuff that heats our homes!*Taking south america was easy. I told them they were on my yard, and for some reason, they respected that. They asked me where they should go, and i said the whole world was my yard. so they all committed suicide for me. such nice people.
*Wow, almost half the world already and a 1/289th filled landfill. (it was deep, not wide) we have work to do. since i took over microsoft, i had plenty of money to build a time machine, which i used to send my terminators back, kill anybody famous, then do stuff so it doesn't ruin the time continuim, bring them back, and throw them in the landfill. i sent an assasin terminator to do the following. A: light a fire in one of the oil mines in Iraq and Afganistan and all other countries where the guys wear towels around their head and wave assualt weapons. They had so much oil, that fire desroyed that half the contenent! I took it over.
*We had a big problem. Russia. I told them "get off my lawn!"And they replied yelling something in german, i guess, and i had no idea what the russians yelling german ment, so i assumed they said they spat on my lawn. So i was mad. How dare those german speaking russians that dont have towels wrapped around their heads with big mustaches spit on my lawn? that wont make the grass grow! russian spit is known to cause CANCER!!! i cant afford to have grass with cancer! we don't have that many hospitals!
*So i sent all of my terminators. every one. And you know what really got this all *&%*#$# up? the german speaking russians that dont have towels wrapped around their heads with big mustaches that spit on my lawn which wont make the grass grow because russian spit is known to cause cancer and i cant afford to have grass with cancer because we don't have that many hospitals repelled my terminators! %#&$#(!!! how the %$* did they do that??? GRR! I feel like some moron invented a cancer treatment for my grass and said that in ten years it will be cured but he lied and it was an asprin bottle! and me and my grass were so ticked off we formed a large green angry mob and marched to his yard and then he shot us! and he only threw the famous pieces of grass in his basement! the res he threw in the ocean in some desperate attempt to kill russia! oh yeah, IM MAD AT RUSSIA!!!! So i bought another army of terminators for defense.
*Now, how heck am i gonna take over russia? since theyre all about communism, and communism is all about a government ruling, i bombed the building called El' governmente' and then i wondered, what now, they speak german and spanish? maybe their spit was spanish spit! spanish spit makes you want to eat lots and lots of spanish food!. we dont have that much spanish food! how dare them! now i'm happy south america died.
*Okay, so their economy collapses and my new terminatorsMove in and take over those german and spanish speaking russians that dont have towels wrapped around their heads waving assualt rifles with big mustaches that spit on my lawn which don't make grass grow because russian spit is known to cause cancer and i cant afford to have grass with cancer because we don't have that many hospitalls and made me feel like some moron invented a cancer treatment for my grass and said that in ten years it will be cured but he lied and it was an asprin bottle and me and my grass were so ticked off we formed a large green angry mob and marched to his yard and then he shot us and he only threw the famous pieces of grass in his basement and the rest he threw in the ocean in some desperate attempt to kill russia, which i remembered i was mad at for spitting their spanish spit on my grass which made them eat lots and lots of spanish food but we don't have that much spanish food, yeah, those russians (i think THAT was the longest sentance in the book). Whew. now thatis all over. ahh finnaly the only country to take over is china! wohoo! it was easy, since china makes all the toys and clothing and everything in the world cause it all says made by china on it, so i stood on top a skyscraper and took out one of their toys and stomped on it, portraying that we didn't need china anymore for our stuff and they were all so freaked out they choked on their rice and all died! fools!
*Now I rule the world. the famous people landfill is full, and famous people gas is warming our houses like heck. There is one problem, though. Sometimes the hitler gas was too strong for some of the houses and they all grew hitler mustaches and rebelled! Honest! no foolin'! Even though i rule the world now, i'm still a telemarketer. and you think i'm not that good at telemarketing! how dare you! i made you read this book, didn't i! it was the dumbest book you ever read and you read it! talk about persuasive, hahaha. Peace out.
THE END
IM NEVER ONLINE TILL SOMETIME AT NIGHT!!! god dont expect me to be sitting at my computer all the time
