Stolen from my blog
What month is this— January? I can already predict the worst movie of the year. Epic Movie. Absolute, bloody drivel. No redeeming value in any way, shape or form.
Compared to other stupid movies, Epic Movie is by far the stupidest. If you thought Date Movie was lame, be prepared to fall asleep during Epic Movie. Some people were amused by the Scary Move series, but I have issues with anyone who enjoys Epic Movie. Nobody in the theatre laughed except one loud obnoxious teenager in the front. Immediately after the movie ended a bunch of men in white jackets had to carry her out in a straight-jacket.
Just a bit of an explanation here: I didn’t *want* to see this movie. Now that that is out of the way, I had to sit through what seemed like the movie that would never end. Have you ever been to a packed theatre where the movie was so incredibly embarrassing that you wanted to hide your face as you walked out at the end? I literally felt disgusting, looking down at the ground as the crowd disassembled, and had that deep, shameful feeling as if I had just been brutally sodomized by a gorilla.
The movie’s humour consists of little more than slapstick shtick— bottles breaking over heads, women kicking guys in their nether regions, and, get this, fart jokes. What makes it worse is every single “joke” was shown in one TV commercial or another, and some of them seemed to end before the punchline. Why start a joke just to leave it hanging? And the hanging lasts excruciatingly longer than necessary. Joke starts off, pauses for 25 seconds to let the joke waft in the air, then the next scene starts without the last one finishing.
Save your money and watch
Children of Men or
Pan’s Labyrinth instead. Both are excellent contenders for movie of the year. In fact, it would be great if everyone boycotted the arrogant suits who ink their names to let these ‘Movie’ movies even be made.
0/10
Looks like Metacritic agrees with me too.
