Quote: "I can't recall reading one with a minotaur in it except for The Chronicles of Narnia ( gayiest series of books out there ) "
Personally I resent that comment (Narnia offers a good sense of creativity and plays with the imagination of the child reading it, for that amongst other reasons makes them great books, they're not aimed to us as an audience
)...but each to his own opinion.
HERE is my crit on that extract dude, please read and hope it helps you
I think you might need to build on imagery there, perhaps shorter sentences, pace it up a bit (if you're pacing it a bit, perhaps more descriptions (back to the imagery point) will do, what is the orc doing, what is the impact on the orc? Is there blood everywhere? How instence is the pain of the orc? Use as much of an active voice as possible, perhaps reduce the number of syllables in the words, again for the pace. (Using other words, of course) And use a quite intense tone, so as the person is reading it they feel tense within the fight, to do this perhaps give the orc more of a fighting chance, so the reader doesn't know his going to end, perhaps the fight could work like a story itself, it has a beginning (They start the fight) a middle (The fight goes on, they're fairly matched, it is quite intense between them) a climax and a solution (A problem arises, the Minotaur is losing severely, getting his butt kicked left right and center and then manages to pick up some energy and goes psycho on the Orc) And then End (The Orc is dead, Minotaur stands as the winner)
Also, the reviving thing, I'd remove that, it seems quite unecessary and perhaps unrealistic (Although a fantasy story, but I mean it's unrealistic that the minotaur would kill him then revived him to kill him/severely injured him in this situation...perhaps if it were a Jack Bauer situation and the Orc was being tortured for information and needs to live to tell them)
Look behind you a threeheaded monkey!
