Quote: "WTF kinda family is that??? Culture my f***ing foot! Nobody should act like that towards their own kid over BS matters!
Culture is an illusion to me. If you're doing something that is obviously stupid and wrong, culture has nothing to do with it, and I hate it when my friend or anyone claims that it's "culture" that makes them act that way! BULL!!! I bet they weren't treated that way as kids! If they were, they'd know how it feels to be put down that way! No body ends up like their parents, it's as simple as that!"
I have a strict policy to disagree at most three times a day, but for you I'll make an exception. You're being extremely short-sighted, if you ask me.
Culture does also includde one's thoughts about right and wrong, justice and injustice. About what is stupid and not. What is normal and not. That in your culture such a thing is wrong doesn't mean it's stupid.
So, even though her parents were most likely treated the same way, they find it normal, exactly bécause they were most likely treated the same way. Your claim that nobody ends up like their parents is untrue - you keep some of the values, some of the customs and some of the feelings they had.
There are cultures in which people walk around naked with nothing but a few leaves to cover their private parts, where people beat each other up, where they pull fishhooks through each others back, where they find inequality normal. That is culture. We may agree or disagree, but no one will care. Just as we don't adjust to them, they won't adjust to us. Not very much, very fast, anyway.
I find it amazing how most of the Western world seems to think their vision of a good world is the only correct vision. My Dutch mum had one of those runs last week.
My Egyptian niece just delivered a baby which immediately turned out to be near-dead. The baby required 3 extremely difficult operations to have any chance of survival. The first operation was succesful, a few days ago. My niece still doesn't know about anything, only that the baby is in the hospital.
My mum found it inhuman to not tell my niece what is wrong. My Egyptian father finds is very normal - they didn't told him his father died neither, until he found out himself. In that culture, they feel they should protect people from pain as much as possible, and it is normal to hide stuff.
Is that wrong? Keeping information from the mother of a new-born child? I feel not. Why not? It's culture. She'll understand, because it is normal. And she'd do exactly the same if it happened to someone else.
However unethical we may find it. Our view is not applicable.
I do find you're correct about the matching thing. Culture is no barrier in true love. You love her. She loves you. Don't forget, however, that when things get serious there will be some sharp edges to discuss. For example, try the subject of children if you're from two totally opposite cultures. Fun. Can recommend the discussion.
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