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Geek Culture / Jokes - Post em here

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Asheron
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Joined: 26th Aug 2002
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Posted: 5th Oct 2003 17:49
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A man walks into a bar.
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BatVink
Moderator
21
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Joined: 4th Apr 2003
Location: Gods own County, UK
Posted: 5th Oct 2003 23:51
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Quote: "a bear walks into a bar and says:
A glass of beer ...................................................
...................................................................
...................................................................
............................................and a packet of peanuts


Bartender says "Why the long pause?" "


What's with the BIG pause...jeez, you killed that one!
See, bears have big paws, not long paws. Ok?

BatVink (formerly StevieVee)
http://facepaint.me.uk/catalog/default.php
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Plystire
21
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Joined: 18th Feb 2003
Location: Staring into the digital ether
Posted: 6th Oct 2003 00:38
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Okay, I got a longer joke.

This guy walks into a bar at the top of a building and notices a man drinking some beer. He walks up to the man and asks "What is it you are drinking?" The man looks at him and says "Why it's magic beer! Are you stupid?" The guy thinks for a moment and says "Well, if it's so magical! THen do some magic!"

The man says "OK!", gets up, jumps in the air, flies out the window does 3 laps around the building, flies back in the window, and sits back down saying "How was that?"

"That was amazing! Do it again!" So the man gets up, jumps in the air, flie sout the window, does 3 laps around the building, flies back in, and sits down saying "Ya happy?"

The guy then says to the bartender "Hey, 'tender. I'll have some magic beer!" And after the bartender pours up the beer, he downs it real quick and walks over to window, looking down the 57 stories. With a deep breath he jumps.......SPLAT!!!

The bartender speaks up and says "You can be a real a**hole, when you're drunk Superman."



~PlystirE~
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Kendor
21
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Joined: 31st Jan 2003
Location: Malta
Posted: 6th Oct 2003 20:34
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@Divide By Zero

1 + 1 is not 2, is 10
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Mentor
22
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Joined: 27th Aug 2002
Location: United Kingdom
Posted: 6th Oct 2003 23:56
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This is Microsoft of borg
prepare to be assimilated
resistance is futile..[&][]&f0c0
System Error
Program "assimilate.exe" has caused a fatal exception in module BORGCORE.DLL
press any key to reformat drive C:\


Mentor.
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ifman1
21
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Posted: 8th Oct 2003 21:38
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Why do women wear make-up and perfume???

Because they're ugly and smell bad!
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Pricey
21
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Joined: 22nd Feb 2003
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Posted: 9th Oct 2003 23:00
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did u hear about the constipated mathamatiian?

he worked it out with a pencil

lol

Nice Gun... AHH! He's Gotta Gun!

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Northern Fist
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Posted: 11th Oct 2003 05:50
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@ mentor

That's got to be the funniest thing I've [SYSTEM CRASH - NORTHERN_FIST FORCABLY LOGGED OFF...]

"Power, precision, and don't forget about speed. If you practice everyday with these things in mind... you begin to develope A FIGHTING MODE." - Fist of Legend (Jet Li)
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Kharnor
21
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Joined: 5th Jul 2003
Location: Australia
Posted: 11th Oct 2003 10:43
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Why did the kid fall of the swing?
Someone threw a fridge at him!

Current project:
Adventure game for alienware comp (-5% complete: Yep, still going backwards)
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Drakportalen
21
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Joined: 9th Oct 2002
Location: Sweden
Posted: 12th Oct 2003 13:24
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Some musicans jokes:

Question: "What do you call a person who hangs out with musicans?"
Answer: "A drummer."

Question: "How many bass players does it takes to change a light bulb?"
Answer: "None, the pianist will do it with his free hand."

Jaco Pastorius painting the Portrait of Tracy...
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Arrow
21
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Joined: 1st Jan 2003
Location: United States
Posted: 12th Oct 2003 18:30
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What did the fish say when it hit a wall?

Damn!


DDR is the best form of exercise money can buy.
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ifman1
21
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Posted: 13th Oct 2003 06:54
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Oh, so many dirty jokes.... I wanna tell dirty JOKES!!!! I got no clean ones!!!!
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PoHa!84
20
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Joined: 2nd Oct 2003
Location: To your left.
Posted: 13th Oct 2003 07:21
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heh... the best one I got is two long to post. I'd be typing all night, and then no one would read it...

Destroy you with my mind, I could!
. Cool, he is. Play his games, I do.
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Ebon
21
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Joined: 13th Apr 2003
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Posted: 13th Oct 2003 09:50
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Two friends where drinking in abar one day when one asks the other

"Hey man, I love to drink so much I got to ask you a favor. Will you pour this bottle of whiskey over my grave when I die?"

"Sure thing, I understand, I love to drink too."

So, many years pass until the man who asked the favor finally dies, and there he stands over his friend's grave with a bottle of whiskey about to pour it on his grave - but he falters and looks longingly at the bottle.

"Hey old buddie...You wouldn't mind if I syphoned it through my kidneys would you?"

@ifman1
I feel ya! I'm getting the urges too... - Must Resist!!!!

That which does not kill us makes us stronger.
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Arrow
21
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Joined: 1st Jan 2003
Location: United States
Posted: 13th Oct 2003 17:19
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Two fish are in a tank, one turns to the other and sayes," You man the guns and I'll drive."


DDR is the best form of exercise money can buy.
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Mattman
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Joined: 5th Jun 2003
Location: East Lansing
Posted: 13th Oct 2003 17:58
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3 Guys are out late at night, drunk as usual.
2 guy walk into a bar.






The other guy ducks.

Got a knack for finding secrets??? Jingot Racing --- A new brand of Racing --- Only from Nightwatch Studios
"hey, it's tomorrow" --- Hamish
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TKF15H
21
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Joined: 20th Jul 2003
Location: Rio de Janeiro
Posted: 13th Oct 2003 18:47
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A duck walks in a bar and asks, "Do you have any duck food?"
bartender: "no, we only serve food for humans."
the duck goes home.

the next day the duck returns and asks, "Do you have any duck food?"
bartender: "no, we only serve food for humans. If you come back here asking for duck food, I'll nail your wings to the door."
the duck goes home.

the next day the duck returns and asks, "Do you have any nails?"
Bartender: "no, we only serve food here."
Duck:"ok, good. Do you have any duck food?"

Morfy's Law - Enythink thet ken go rong willll.
Cole's Law - Thinly sliced cabbage.
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PoHa!84
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Location: To your left.
Posted: 13th Oct 2003 19:32
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You know you've spent to much time posting when...

...someone tells you a joke and instead of laughing, you say "lol."

...instead of making facial expressions you look around, puzzled, for smileys.

...every time you say anything your fingers move involuntarily as if typing.

Destroy you with my mind, I could!
. Cool, he is. Play his games, I do.
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MiR
21
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Joined: 13th Jul 2003
Location: Spain
Posted: 13th Oct 2003 21:05
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I´ve got a great joke, right here goes.
Two hedgehogs want to cross a road.
Father hedgehog says to his son "the best thing to do when crossing
the road and you see a car coming is to go to the middle of the road and curl up in a ball and wait for the car to pass"
So the father hedgehog goes in the middle of the road and sees a car coming and curls up in a ball, when it passes he gets up and
goes to the other side. "OK son, your turn"
The little hedgehog goes in the middle of the road seeing how easy it is, sees a car coming and curls up in a ball. SPLAT!
Father hedgehog says."Damm, not a Robin Reliant".
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D I G I T A L
21
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Joined: 22nd Jun 2003
Location: Dubai, UAE
Posted: 14th Oct 2003 03:34
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three chinese, Chu, Lu, and Fu went to the US and desided to change their names into american names, Chu became Chuck, Lu became Luck, Fu desided to return home! HEHE! GET IT?

‘Those who ignore the lessons of the past are doomed to repeat them’ (Napoleon)
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WarHunterX
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Joined: 25th Mar 2003
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Posted: 14th Oct 2003 04:02
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Why does this forum have so many newbies?

How good do you expect a 9 year old to be??
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PoHa!84
20
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Joined: 2nd Oct 2003
Location: To your left.
Posted: 14th Oct 2003 05:54
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This is a great idea! This should be a sticky so everyone who just wants a good laugh can look here...

Destroy you with my mind, I could!
. Cool, he is. Play his games, I do.
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Plystire
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Joined: 18th Feb 2003
Location: Staring into the digital ether
Posted: 14th Oct 2003 07:00
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Ok so this guy goes up to the bartender (What is it with these bar jokes anyway?) and orders a drink. The bartender pours it up and gives it to him. The guy then taps the bartender on the shoulder and when the bartender looks around the guy says "See that glass about 10 feet down the counter?"

The bartender says "Yea?"

"I bet you $300 that I could pee into that glass from here without spilling a drop."

The bartender looks at him for a moment before saying "Ok, sure." So the guy whips it out, and begins peeing EVERYwhere. I mean just all over the place. All over the floor, the counter, the bartender. He was just soaking the place, and the bartender is laughing, because you know, he just won $300!!!

So after the guys done. He puts it away and the bartender says to him "You owe me $300"

"Right, hold on." And the guy runs over to the other side of the room and comes back and pays the bartender (still soaking) with a huge smile on his face. The bartender asks, "What are you smiling about?"

"You see those guys in the back corner? I bet THEM $1000 that I could pee all over the floor, all over te counter, and all over you, and not only will you not be mad, you would be happy about it!"



~PlystirE~
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ifman1
21
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Joined: 3rd Jul 2003
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Posted: 15th Oct 2003 05:29
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ok, it's a bit long, so bear with me...

So a man goes on vacation and asks his brother to watch his house while he's gone. On the first day of vacation the man calls home and asks how things are going. His brother replies "your cat died".
The man is obviously distrought and explains to his brother you can't just break news like that. He says "On the first day you elude to it and say the cat is on the roof and we can't get her down. On the second day you say the cat's still up there and looks really hungry. On the third day you say the fire department came and tried to get the cat, but the things stubborn and they couldn't save it. On the fourth day you just explain that the cat died."
The brother agrees that this would be a much better way to deal with the situation and apologizes for being so insensitive.
So then the man asks "How's mom?"
The brother replies "Mom's on the roof and we can't get her down."
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Northern Fist
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Posted: 15th Oct 2003 05:51 Edited at: 15th Oct 2003 05:51
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This is an oldie but a goodie:

There are three brothers: Shut-up, poop, and manners.
One day, poop decides to go skateboarding. He falls and breaks his elbow. Manners runs over to help him.
Meanwhile, shut-up is loitering at the mall enterance. The police man asks: "Hey kid, what's your name?"
"Shut-up." the kid replies honestly.
"This isn't brain surgery, boy. What's your name?"
"Shut-up, mister." shut-up announces with confidence.
"Sheesh, where's your manners?"
"Over on first street picking up poop."

"Power, precision, and don't forget about speed. If you practice everyday with these things in mind... you begin to develope A FIGHTING MODE." - Fist of Legend (Jet Li)
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Wik
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Joined: 21st May 2003
Location: CT, United States
Posted: 19th Oct 2003 05:42
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NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!
This is on the second page!
Post more jokes, they're funny!

The rock has rolled!
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flibX0r
21
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Joined: 14th Feb 2003
Location: Western Australia
Posted: 19th Oct 2003 15:46 Edited at: 19th Oct 2003 15:48
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I am FULL of bad jokes.

What did Tarzan say when he saw the elephants coming?
"The elephants are coming"

Why are elephants big, grey and wrinkly?
Because if they where small, red and juicy they would be strawberries.

Whats green and looks like a bucket?
A green bucket

Whats the difference between Blitz basic and a bucket of vomit?
The bucket

What red and looks like a green bucket?
A green bucket in disguise.

Look. MiniMe -->
Current Project: "Jelly Wars : Episode 2" entry for alienware compo
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elVee
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Posted: 25th Oct 2003 09:16
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LOL stupid jokes always get a laugh

Quote: "Whats green and looks like a bucket?
A green bucket"

lol....
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Surreal Studio IanG
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Joined: 21st Sep 2003
Location: Cyberspace...I think
Posted: 25th Oct 2003 17:21 Edited at: 26th Oct 2003 22:20
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@mr fibble:
great jokes - im laughing my ass off here
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