A skeleton walks into a bar...
"I'd like a pint of beer and a mop!"
A hypnotist is on a stage in front of about 50 or so people, swinging a large heavy pendulum back and forth. He's never hypnotized that many people before, and is sweating with worry. Eventually though, everybody is hypnotized, and he relaxes. The pendulum accidentally slips from his sweaty hands, and smashes into millions of pieces.
"5H1T!"
The cleaners spend 3 weeks clearing up...
A man walks into a bar, and treads in a pile of dog poop. Swearing, he starts trying to clean it off, when a huge body builder enters the bar, and also treads in the poop. The first man grins, and says sympathetically "I just did that!". That was the last time he grinned...
Very adult jokes:
What's the difference between a blonde and the titanic?
Fewer men went down on the titanic...
How are blonds and the sea the same?
They've both swallowed a lots of seamen...
What's the difference between a bird?
One of its legs are both the same...
Ten thousand blondes are holding a 'Blondes are not stupid' convention. When they've all assembled, a man walks on stage who is to test one of the blondes. Picking one who looks the least stupid, he asks her to come up on stage. He tells her she has to answer one simple maths question to prove that blondes aren't stupid.
Man: "What is ten plus ten?"
Blonde: "90?"
Ten thousand blondes: "Give her another chance!"
Man: "What is five plus five?"
Blonde: "3?"
Ten thousand blondes: "Give her another chance!"
Man: "Last chance, what is one plus one?"
Blonde: "2?"
Ten thousand blondes: "Give her another chance!"
