I hate to nit-pick, but Im a bit of a perfectionist...
Quote: "On March 19th, a fatal shooting between a SWAT team member, Vincent Clarke (the player) and the Waterfront Gang occured."
Sounds good...but SWAT members aren't dispatched alone...especially not to deal with a big gang.
Quote: "14 gangsters died; Clarke substained wounds to the chest and head area."
One hell of a shot...
Quote: "Resigning from the SWAT and becoming a mormal civillian, Clarke vowed that he would get his revenge."
What's he wanting revenge for? A head injury? I'd say it was more than a good deal to still be alive after killing off 14 gangsters single-handedly...
Unless he wants revenge because he got
kicked out of the SWAT...but why would that happen if he was doing his job and dealing with some armed gangsters?
Quote: "But would his revenge cost him the lives of his former squadmates, the army, and even his own?"
Now I'm really confused...who does he want revenge on?
Quote: "Someday, death will occur. Please not be today; today, death will descend upon others. Preferably the Waterfront gangsters. I am Vincent Robert Clarke. This...is my life."
The first bit of that doesn't seem to make sense to me. How about changing that little bit to:
"Death will descend upon others. The Waterfront gangsters will pay. I am Vincent Robert Clarke. This...is my revenge."
It's sounding alright if you can fix those flaws.
Best,
Paul